Thinking about joining the Navy... Not sure how to tell my mom.

[alexc123]

I'm 20 and thinking about joining the Navy. I have thought about this for over a year. I am other oldest daughter and have four younger brothers. Last year, when my mom found out I was even considering she called it a cop-out and yelled at me like I was in trouble or something. My parents are divorced, and she threatened me saying she was going to call my dad and what not. Well, that plan backfired and I'm pretty sure my dad wasn't opposed to me joining. i know there are a lot of moms on here and I was wondering if it was that hard to take for everyone or if anyone can give me advice on how to approach the situation. 

[BunkerQB]

I am going to keep this short and sweet. You are over 18. You are in control of your destiny. If you have done your research and have concluded that joining the Navy is the right thing to do - go do it - stick to you decision. Unless I am way off base, you probably have been "junior" mom for the last 10 years. You need time to concentrate on YOU. You have earned it. Don't feel guilty. Good luck.

[ebigirl]

Very well said Bunker QUEEN Bee! I replied to her other post and said the same thing!

[alexc123]

Thank you! You guys are all very helpful. I think my mom calls it cop-out because she thinks I'm try to use it as an excuse to get away from any family issues we are having. As far as the junior mom situation goes, three of my brothers live in Ohio with my dad, however, I do have to run my 14 year old brother all over the planet. She's having these same spastic freak outs about me heading to school in Chicago as well. I think she's sooooo dependent on me, that it's going to be hard if I leave for any reason. She yells at me constantly about how expensive school is and how I need to get my life together and finish school and become a teacher. But most of those are her plans. This site is helping me a lot. I plan to discuss this first with my dad because he is more supportive about it.

You guys are great, thanks so much!

[Anti M]

I have two degrees and a teaching certificate and I'm not working. Having done both, I can say the Navy was better. You can teach later (if you can get hired).

Your mom has a narrow vision, as did my parents. They thought I should be a dental tech Uh. Right.

[Anna]

Alexc123,
First of all - I'm sorry you are being used by your mom so much to help raise your brother. Yes, I know being a single mom is difficult but really that is her problem not yours!! I don't say that to be mean - I depended on older children from time to time but when one son left for college and the other son left for the Navy, I figured out a new way to get things done. You need to start thinking about your OWN future and not your Mom's. If she yells at you that college is expensive then you can tell her that one of the many benefits of joining the Navy is having the GI bill to help pay for your further education. And you can take college courses while you are serving so you can get a degree even if you decide to stay in and make the Navy your first career. And the Navy will teach you your job!!! You can't find that kind of training in the civilian world!!!
So plot your course young lady and follow your dreams!!!! Many moms on this website will be more than happy to help you out if needed. Fair skies and following seas to you!!! Good luck, and thank you for your desire to serve our great country in the best Navy of the World!!!!

[navymomPSL]

I couldn't have said that any better!!  Go get your dreams, you have earned the right to be a little selfish by making your own decision about your future!!

[navytwins]

alexc123

I sounds like your mom might be scared. She's sounds dependant on you and your support. She scared of losing you. But unfortuately its not fair to you. Your an adult and deserve to live "your" life as it is best for you not anyone else. Like BunkerQueenbee said if you have done all the research and know in your heart of hearts that this is the right decision for you need to move forward with it.

I have shipped both (only) my 18 year old children off to the Navy this year. I have twins. They both made the choice to join the Navy. We couldn't more proud of them both. When they told us of their decision I was excited for them and a little sad. But I was sad for me not for them. I was going to miss them. But I didn't want to ruin this adventure for them so I kept my mouth shut on my own feelings and showed them how proud we are of them. They have learned so much and grown as adults. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Follow your heart and do what you need to do to make your "own" future. Good Luck to you

[SubmarineMom]

HI Alexc123. My son decided the Navy when he was a junior in high school. It was shortly after September 11, 2001 that he had his first thought. I was deeply opposed as most mothers probably are. Anyway, my son was only 17 and needed our consent. I always thought he'd do college first, and lord knows I tried to get him to do just that, but alas, it didn't happen. He's signed up now for college courses. He's been enlisted now since October 2003. Presently, he's a CPO 2nd class and serving as instructor in Groton, CT. This is the best part for me, we live in CT. He visits regularly. He has 2 years left on this shore duty.

Anyway, try to stay calm when you speak with your mother. She's probably going to resist, but don't pit your dad against her, it'll only make things worse. Have a game plan when you sit down with her. Show her advantages, of doing this. Remind her you need to pave your own way and that you don't need her consent, but would love to have her blessing. Good luck.

[Sam Sorce]

It's kinda like that at my house. My parents are divorced so my dad decided to raise me and my four little brothers himself. He works 12 hour shifts from 5pm to 5am at the prison. When I first told him I wanted to join he laughed at me saying that I wouldn't last a day with the sentiment.When I signed up my dad was mad because he said I was looking for a way out. Well here I am 2 years later and I'm fixing to leave in Febuary. Since I'm the only girl in a house full of males, it's my responsiblity to do the cooking, cleaning, disciplining. It wasn't at all what I wanted, I just wanted to serve. My oldest little brother is 16 and he can well take care of hisself. The youngest is 10 and can find his way from the school bus to our house only 2 houses down. My mom freaked out when I told her. Something about the government being bad.

My advice would be to prepare for the worst. You don't know for sure that she won't take it better this time. My dad surprised me by actually listening the second time around. He's gotten used to the idea that his only daughter is going to be a nuclear engineer in the military, traveling the world, not having to worry about paying off debts. Make sure you research what you want to do completely. Get all the facts. If this is what you want to do then convince her you'd be more useful in the Navy then at home. Show her all the school benefits. Mine went kinda like this, "Hey dad I'll get college for free I won't have to worry about so many bills, I'll get a signing bonus, I'll send home money all the time, I'll gain experience, the reenlistment bonus is A LOT." Give her a second chance.

[BunkerQB]

Sam Sorce, I commend you for wanting to help your dad. With 4 younger brothers and your dad being divorced, money is always tight. Encourage you 16 year old brother to start thinking about being independent too (like signing up for the Navy as well). I have some concern that your financial contribution to your family will be taken for granted and you will be stuck doing that for the rest of your life. At some point, you need to start saving for your own future (education and buying of first home and retirement).

[Sam Sorce]

I'm going to have to repectfully ignore your advice. I hope i'm not offending you. Money was the only reason I joined the Navy instead of the USMC. I'm the kind of kid who grew up eating tuna sandwiches and waiting outside of churches and the salvation army waiting for donations of food and clothes.  (People often forget that you can't make a full dinner out of nothing but canned food) I don't want for my brothers to go through that. My brother is signing up for the Army reserve and plans to be a police officer. I appreciate your concern -- it makes me feel good that a complete stranger would worry about me.

[BunkerQB]

Most parents would give an eye/teeth to have such a dutiful daughter. I didn't say it correctly. I thinking 10 years down the road - I didn't want you to be the caregiver for everyone forever - while others get going, get married, have their own family and you are left with taking care of your parents. I want YOU to have your own life - husband, children, dog and house - the whole nine yards - if that is what you want too. One thing I like about you is that you are not looking for a handout. You have pride. You are looking for information and advice. Many of us here have plenty of that. Of course, our advice is from our perspective (through our eyes and narrowed by the fears we have for our own children). Your parents must have done something right if you and your brother are both working on achieving something. It's hard to develop that in a complete vacuum.  I hope to stay connected and see your growth as a person and as a proud member of the US Navy.