What Happens Now?

[kling]

Alright, I'm not sure if you all have ever experienced this before...or how long you've been a Navy girlfriend/fiance/wife, but I'd love to hear from your personal experience what you did to resolve it!

My boyfriend JUST finished boot camp...like JUST yesterday. I should be OFF the wall happy and excited to be able to talk to him in "real time" again right? But here's the thing...I think he feels it too - for the last 2 whole months, we were both living our own lives and didn't get to talk to each other on a daily basis and now for some reason, I'm all nervous talking to him again, as if we didn't know each other...Did any of you feel that way before in the beginning? 

[kling]

THANK you, thank you so much for being someone who understands! It's been annoying, having to defend the worth and commitment in this relationship to everyone just because we've only been together for 4 months and half of which we were apart. And I agree, comparing the amount of communication he and I have to anyone else's is just  going to cause unnecessary disappointment. I was just wondering if anyone else needed an adjustment period like it seems my boyfriend and I need.

Also, good for you for snapping at that one wife. LOL. I'm not sure if it's just me being bitter, but some ladies take joy in rubbing their happiness in your face when they know you're feeling down.

I will definitely keep asking him questions though and talk his ear off until he starts jumping in! :) It's only been a day since he's back and I'm already happier with him being available to talk again even with the slight awkwardness. Thank you for your advice :)

[meagan5220]

you are welcome :) I know that some girls do jump into relationships quickly but I have seen just as many "long" relationships crumble just as badly in my short time as a Navy wife. I have no right to judge anyone else's relationship especially when I know nothing about your situation!  When I first got him after PIR he was super quiet. He is anyways but in BC its different they dont get to just sit around and chat it up if ya know what I mean. I found he was a little socially awakward when we were out in general that weekend lol.

 

At first he didnt want to call me that early or late but I told him I didnt care. Sometimes he also didnt want to call if he couldnt talk for long but I let him know how much it meant to even get a call or text that is just hey how are you doing? or what are you up to? I told him I wouldnt get mad if they came by and said he had to go do something asap. I understand thats part of the life. so that helped a lot too!

 

haha yea I mean I am super happy anytime someone gets to talk to their spouse but if you are rude about it to me I will snap back lol!! Its just rude.

 

Ask him if there is anything he wants now that he can have different things my sailor wanted some regular underwear not tighty whiteys!! lol :) how long is his a school?? where is he going?

[kling]

Yeah, it really depends on the level of commitment and effort you put into it, but I don't know - every relationship is different. He isn't much of a talker either, it's just frustrating to get one word answers to his questions when I'd love to just sit and hear him talk all about his boot camp experience and the new people he's met

He's in South Carolina for A School, and I think he'll be there for a year? He's a Nuke ET.

[meagan5220]

yup I agree! Sometimes I have found at least with emails with my husband sometimes if I go overboard with him like writing page long emails I get short repsonses. Every so often I will start writing super short emails and then all of a sudden he becomes a girl lol I get long emails and a phone call lol I hate the one word answers too! I try to always ask open ended questions lol. Technique I learned somewhere along the road. Ask questions that cant be answered as a yes or no. :) questions that start with how or what lead to more of an explanation sometimes :)

 

My husband didnt want to talk about bootcamp, ... other than that damn peanut butter shot... lol which he will talk about all the time. Especially if he has been drinking and is around other sailors. lol. Does he have any fav sports teams playing? Anything he misses from home that is exciting? that can spark a conversation. Or tell him whats going on in your life. :)

 

oh yea Nuke a school is longer. My husband was in pcola for only about 8 weeks worth of school. Luckily he should get to come home for Christmas Exodus. It will get easier. :)

[kling]

Hahaha I love your tactic! It's pretty funny how they'll complain that us girls talk too much...then when we don't, they miss it xD

That's hilarious! My boyfriend wrote on and on about the peanut butter shot too! But I mean, there MUST be something else far more interesting that happened in boot camp right?!

And it's already beginning to get a LITTLE easier even with just today. He bought an iPad today just so he can Skype with me, and we're definitely going back to being us again. Thank you soo much for the support :) It's helped me feel less antsy and nervous about what's to come

[meagan5220]

hahaha yea He will say oh no long email today :( ahhhh haha. then he talks about random stuff lol.

 

Haha oh my husband and all his friends are convinced that the shot was so they couldnt get an erection during bootcamp!! lol All I know about bootcamp is the pb shot, he was sick the whole time, there was a huge blizzard, some kid cried because he got sent brownies and the RDCs ate them while he did push ups, on Christmas they gave them steak then their RDCs made them run until someone threw up, my husband got sent to the Chief bc he laughed, and thats pretty much it lol. He doesnt like talking about it mostly bc he hated it so much so he doesnt want to think about it. That will be the case with a lot of things. My husband barely talks to me about anything from the ship bc he hates talking about it. He wants to talk about anything but Navy when he is talking to me.

 

YAY thats great! You are very welcome! Its hard of course but millions of other woman have done it so it can be done!!! and there is a great support system out there!

[Anti M]

LOL, I had the peanut butter shot and I'm female... it is gamma globulin, an immune system booster.  Everyone still gets sick with Recruit Crud.  

[meagan5220]

haha yea I told him thats not what it was for lol. But him and his friends are convinced!!! lol. Boys are just silly!!!! yea my husband had an upper resp. infection he was sick almost the whole time. :(

[jazzelle29]

Haha! Thanks Meagan...yup I'm the crazy lady who was dating her guy for a week before he deployed. Since then I lost my US based job and returned to my home country, oh and did I mention I get an email once every ten days or so because my honey is so busy now that key members of his team have moved on? Or that we will have to spend around $1500 on transatlantic flights to see each other for the next couple of years?

In my experience so far I reckon maturity (not necessarily age); the ability to communicate effectively and being able to give to a relationship without necessarily expecting much in return helps a great deal. Asking open questions, being honest about feelings without making assumptions and definitely not comparing your levels of communication with others. (I nearly sent myself crazy at first doing that)!

As far as feeling a bit weird about seeing my honey again? Yep I can relate to that. I have played the reunion out so many different ways in my head but one of my friends summed it up when she said "you will be like a pair of goofy high school sweethearts"! 

Its OK to be a bit awkward! I'm going to just see what happens, try not to ask him a million questions, let him decompress, take him for dinner and to be honest, just enjoy getting to know him all over again.

We have a 3000 mile road trip (along with a visit to all his family) to look forward to and I would imagine by the time we get to VA we will either be engaged or vowing never to see each other again!  

This deployment has been a time of great growth for me, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It has made me a less anxious, more trusting person and I have had to overcome a shitload of baggage from previous relationships in order to get this far. Its been good. 

My next challenge? To say goodbye to my sailor and return back to the UK without him, leaving him alone in VA while I know that my Navy friends get to be with their men for the forseeable. Hmmm...thats going to be like a deployment all over again! Wish me luck :)

[kling]

Wow! I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to have to say goodbye to your braaaand new boyfriend after a week of being with each other. We had 2 months, and it was still so hard for me! Kudos to your strength :) How long have you guys been together now?

I've been playing the moment he comes back home over and over again in my head too. Glad to know I'm not the only one who does this xD. 

I'm hoping that this time we're spending apart from each other will allow me to grow as well. It's funny because I told myself I'd never date a military guy because it'd be much too tough...and here I am, willingly committing myself to a guy I haven't even had the chance to spend a FULL day with and yet completely devoted to it.

Good luck on your travels! Do you know when you'll be able to see him again? 

[meagan5220]

hahahaha Jazelle if I didint know any better I would say you are stalking me!!!! hahahaha

[kling]

LOL Not that tmi, no worries! I'll admit, I'm a little anxious about that too. By the time he'll be able to come back home, it'll be 10 months apart... -___-