What if I don't WANT to move?

[librarian]

I tried to search for another thread with a similar question but came up with nothing.

Everything I've read assumes that you will go wherever your sailor does (barring deployment) and works to get you information on moving resources and whatnot.  But what if you don't actually want to move?  My husband's a bit older than the others in boot camp, and I have a settled life here with a job I love and a daughter in high school who doesn't want to go where the wind takes us (or the military orders us).  How would that be viewed?  What would that do for him, housing, BAH, etc?

Thanks for your time.

[Anti M]

Your husband would be a geographical bachelor.  This used to be an option, now each case must be reviewed by the command, paperwork submitted showing financial hardship caused by the move.  It is easy to get it approved for "exceptional family members" who need specialized care in a different part of the country, but other cases (spouse school, jobs, etc) are not always given the go ahead for authorized geo-bach.  There was a lot of fraud involved, so as the budget is cut, every situation is scrutinized.

While you can still make this decision, it will cost you out of pocket expenses once he is in the fleet.  BAH will be for his  duty station, not for your location.  He will pay for his geo-bach barracks room, if one is available to him.  If not, he sleeps on the ship or he pays to run a second household.  

Family Separation Pay will not apply unless he is deployed.

You'll find articles on geo-bachelors, but be careful as some of the information is out-dated or tailored to very specific situations such as chronically congested housing areas.  The Navy encourages the family to be near the service member as it is better for morale.  Of course, they're assuming this is for younger couples.  And yes, transferring a high school student is traumatic.  

Once your husband is at his first duty station, he can inquire about the feasibility of geo-baching it.

[librarian]

Thank you so much for this information.  Now that I have a term to work with, I can Google to my heart's content (with an eye out for older information, thanks to your advice), and he can be much clearer when he's speaking to someone.

We have no issue with money; my salary pays the bills here in our little apartment by a good high school where she has friends and activities and clubs she enjoys.  I can see how this could work against it--as you said, financial hardship--or for us, in that we won't be tripped up if we're doubling up on housing costs.

Again, thanks.  This is exactly the kind of information we're looking for.

[judy r]

Military personnel needs to know their families are happy and close to them. My son has been stationed in the same location for all but 3yrs of the 25 he has put in so far. Let me ask how is he going to feel if something bad happened and you are not near him so he can help?  How soon will you resent him for not being there to share the burden you will carry as a military spouse? How are you going to feel knowing when he deploys you are the only spouse not there to see him off? I think these would be questions you both should have discussed before now. I wish you both much luck.

[librarian]

I was a single parent until I met him a few years ago, raised my daughter pretty much on my own, so this isn't much of a reversion for us.  Resentment isn't going to be a problem.  This is our choice, one we discussed together before he left.  We're in our thirties, not our teens.  And I have a nice amount of sick, personal, and vacation time to use in case of an emergency--or, really, any time we'd like to see each other, including before deployments.  Government guidelines also allow for a military spouse to take time off without pay, which would be used if necessary.

You talk about his needs, but his need right now is to provide for his family's health and stability, which includes the stability of my daughter, who only has a couple of years left before she goes off to college.  Growing up in a world of moves and flexibility is one thing, but having it thrust upon you as a teen is a whole different story.  My husband's in for five years, and we have no problem putting her stability before our locale for half that time.

It's not the personal that I need the details about, but rather the professional.

Thanks for your time.

[Angie]

I have seen many older Sailors and families do the geo bach and are just fine.  It is really up to you and how you and him handle things.

I think it is great you two have decided to let your child finish school in a stabily area, instead of up rooting her for the last few years of school.  Nothing is wrong with what you are doing and I give you credit for it.

[librarian]

Thanks, Angie.