Comment

Comment by Renick ET on January 27, 2011 at 3:36pm

Bonnie smart woman.  I would like to see them more, not less. My kids don't really act up, they are 21 and 28, so they are grown ups. One moved out at 24 and took his stuff, and I don't see him often enough. The other one is in boot camp and then a 6 year commitment. I think we will be finding new ground! My dil barely returns my texts. Maybe, it is because she doesn't have to share her husband with his mom when they are around me. Last time we were together I noticed he pays attention to me. I think when I'm not there he pays attention to her! I know she loves me and I hope she gets pregnant (they don't want kids).  Isn't that bad! HAHA

Comment by Renick ET on January 27, 2011 at 2:40pm

Agreed! I would buy some time and just say let's discuss it after boot camp. Then I will clean his room up, send him some stuff, and keep it for him. After boot camp, tell you husband he can help you clean it up and put stuff in drawers, closets, but keep his room, his room.

Comment by TxLadyJane(ET Nuke Mom) on January 27, 2011 at 1:59pm

Note:  We have packed away all of our older kids stuff they are 28 and 26, but they are both married and one has children now of her own, but this was only done when we repainted and recarpeted their rooms, since we are in remodel mode.  We also are going to be giving them their stuff to go thru so they can figure out what they want to keep and get rid of, of their childhood stuff, it is not our place really to throw it away.  The only thing we really threw away on our own was a box of stuffed animals of our daughters, it was up in the attic and we didn't know it, so imagin what was in that =( LOL.

Comment by navymom9875 on January 27, 2011 at 1:24pm

Great comment, Karen!  Thanks for jumping in!

Comment by Renick ET on January 27, 2011 at 12:16pm

Kimberly--what is play words with friends?

Scottsmom--close the door, and wait until after boot camp to address, that's what I'm doing!

Bonnie--same issues for me... husband's drink though. I too love the outdoors and it is too cold for me right now. But I don't have a job, so consider yourself lucky. I think I should try the Library volunteer like TxJane said.

Pat--my older son does the same thing. I thought he would get closer to me when his lil bro left, instead I haven't heard from him MORE. And his wife gives me nothing. I'm trying to do as Carol said and cut the strings. It is so hard not to be hurt.

I need to get in touch with myself and with my husband. Yuck... that just sounds like emotional work!  LOL  

I would like the little genie in the bottle, but what 3 wishes...

Comment by Kelly on January 27, 2011 at 11:09am

Hi Carol I had to lol on your coment my sons freinds did the same thing Hi Pat I understand completly my son is very quiet to but he will be 29 soon and he is married so I have had to cut the aprine strings he is showing a lot of independence and I am having to let him finaly grow up your son sounds like he is still in his teens I admire his courage to grow up and be independent he sounds like he has a lot of courage You've done a good job raising him

Comment by TxLadyJane(ET Nuke Mom) on January 27, 2011 at 10:31am

Bonnie...Start Volunteering at the Library or something else you like doing.  I read all the time now, it's great!  So I am working on starting a book club, maybe in my area, but I am in one or two online.  Maybe instead of going out to dinner try lunch with the couple, people are less likely to drink during the day.

Comment by TxLadyJane(ET Nuke Mom) on January 27, 2011 at 9:56am

Scottsmom:  Maybe make a compromise and go in and do a total Sping Cleaning type of thing, Get a Carpet cleaner move stuff clean behind do the closet inside and out strip the bed to include dust ruffle and remake the bed.  Make it a totally clean room?  Or if he really don't want to see anything then like Bonnie said close the door to his room for a bit.  I have done a little to my son's room but not much, I do a little a day.  I want to take all his clothes out of his dressers and wash everything again, refold things and make it more like I would have things in the drawers vs. the way he likes them with things just thrown in.  When I do that I plan on dusting all the dresseres (inside and out), stripping the bed, washing sheets and remaking the bed, and we will steam clean the carpets too.  We want to make it a fresh room for when he does come home.

Comment by Paymaster on January 27, 2011 at 9:49am

Scott's mom....Sounds like your husband is making the separation of your son is a boy to your son is a man in his eyes. 

 

We dealt with our children leaving differently.  We had them clean there room out before they left.  I wasn't keeping a shrine to them.  Once they moved out I new they would never move back.

 

Perhaps you can make a deal with your husband.  Start by cleaning out your daughters room and remake it into something that you will use, then once you complete that, then start on your son's room, by then he should be done with BC. 

Comment by Scott's mom (Ship 12 / Div 091) on January 27, 2011 at 8:09am

Here's one for you guys....Our son is on week 3 of BC. My problem or issue is that my husband wants to clean out our son's room. Husband says: - Now that he has gone into the Navy he won't be wanting to "come" home or will not be able to come home when he wants. I know he won't be able to come when ever he wants but I don't want to "tear down" his room or make it into something else. The "what if" didn't work on my husband....he said boys just don't come home like the girls. But there are things that he could not take to BC or be able to have due to size of his future room. Rent storage was a suggestion...other friends that went before our son have done that. I don't think that's something that needs to be done or at least not right now, it's not like he has 32 years worth of stuff like us. 

The comments that our daughter has been out of the house for 4 years and still has a room set up at our house...with things that never moved with her....doesn't seem to be an issue with the husband. It stayed in place while our daughters  husband was out of the county. (He was Army, has been home now for a year and half....done with his contract.) So she would have a place to come to with her child if needed. That has back fired....when she / they come they will stay or assume they come just come and stay or leave the baby here sometimes. (Oh, they only live a mile away!) Son-in-law's parents have come and stayed here at times when visiting...not an issue...we enjoy seeing them too.

We also have a "baby / little person room" set-up doesn't seem to have an issue with that.

We have always been a close knit family...we still see my husbands parents at least twice a month if not more and have both sides of the family together on holidays. His parents still have "kids" space at there house and they are in their 70's..... I think its just hoping that one of will stay and take care of them when it's needed. :)

So, who's going to win this? Or is it too fresh for me to see it his way? Or maybe we should just buy a smaller house!

What do you think...for those that are there before me?

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