ANXIETY

[mfrobish]

So, my husband has been in the Navy for about a year now, and we are currently at our first duty station. He hasn't been gone much so far. Just two weeks about a month ago, gone for a month now, and then deploying for seven in March, plus duty days. I have had sooo much anxiety ever since he had to leave for bootcamp. I can hold my own when he's gone, but the problem is, when he's back I feel like we're being timed. No matter how much I try to relax and enjoy the moment in the back of my mind I am always just thinking about him leaving again, whether it be for duty, a fast cruise or...the big deployment. He is gone for a month now and will be back for only a month before leaving for the long underway.I guess I would just like some advise, or words of wisdom from those who have been there about how to handle anxiety. It just gets worse closer to the deployment and I'm worried that I'll be crying about him leaving the whole month he's here! I cant stand thinking about him missing 7 months of his baby boy growing up :( 

Dont get me wrong though, we are very happy together. Best friends actually :) he really is my other half!  and its not like I'm always upset. I keep it together for him VERY well. Like I said, the anxiety has just gotten worse and I'm already starting to feel a teeny bit of resentment :/ (no judgement please). 

ps. DONT LET ME SCARE YOU...lol as much as him leaving SUCKS I know in the long run it has made us stronger and will continue to. Nothing has changed between the two of us. This is strictly asking HOW to deal, for those who have been there. 

Thanks in advance!!!

[Sarah]

Hey,
I read your post and I totally get it. My husband and I started our relationship with marriage. We got married, I dropped out of school and we moved across the country with him. 4 months later he went on half a deployment and it was absolutely miserable for me! Underways were hard, too. My neighbors would tell me they were used to it and it was no big deal but I was heart broken every time he left. He has been deployed a while now and I must say it has been the easiest time yet. I went home to stay with my family and have been keeping myself very busy! It distracts me from knowing how much time is left... Taking it one day at a time. Don't get me wrong, I miss him insanely and instill totally cry! I'm not used to him being gone and I never want him to be... But I've learned not to dwell on it. I know he WILL come home. When he comes home it's really hard... Because it feels like a first date. We had both changed - gotten stronger and had to learn that about each other. But at the same time it became like another honeymoon period! I thoroughly enjoy every day that he's home and I am prepared for when he leaves. You have to live in the now and now that you're strong enough to make it in the future. I am so proud of my husband.... But at the same time we are in agreeance that this is not the life for us. We make the most of the time he's home and keep each other as involved as possible while he's gone. It's perfectly normal to feel what you're feeling! But remember, when your husband is home be with him, don't be off on the next deployment or underway - you'll drive yourself crazy!

[sailorwifenmom]

This is normal, it's part of that deployment spiral that I was talking about in one of the other posts.  Deployment is kind of like pregnancy - each one is different, and we each have our own experiences with it, but in many ways, they are a lot alike... 

It sounds like right now, you are feeling that anticipation of loss - you know it's coming, and you're dreading it, and then after awhile, you might start to feel like you just want him to hurry up and GO - so you can just get this over with!  It's normal! 

I know that even after all this time, I often fall into that whole "this is the last time we'll do ___ before he leaves... This is the last time we'll go to ___ before he deploys..." trap, and I'm all teary and crying.  But, once he goes - then it's like - ok - we've ripped that band aide off, now we can start counting down to him coming back...

But like one of the other ladies said, try to not live what's going to happen tomorrow or next week - live what's going on today.  If he's home today, then enjoy that time.  Look at it like this - you're not going to sit in your house all summer, refusing to go outside and enjoy yourself, because, sooner or later, winter is going to roll around again, are you?  Well, this is the same thing :-)  Enjoy your "sunny days" - the cold ones will come soon enough on their own.

I would really really encourage you to talk to your Fleet and Family Service Center and see if they offer a COMPASS class.  It's free, and they talk about this (the emotional spiral of a deployment) - in fact, they are the ones who have developed it - and a bunch of other stuff that really makes it a LOT easier to survive and to actually thrive as a Navy spouse.  Plus, it's free, and they also cover child care and provide lunch :-)

[meagan5220]

COMPASS class is awesome!! Learn lots, get lots of resources, and meet lots of other women ... oh plus the free food!! lol Also if you go when your husband is deployed chance are you will meet spouses with so's that are deployed with your husband!