anyone have little ones?

[krisnjay]

my boyfriend left for basic march 1st, and my son who is 4 is haveing a really hard time with it. he cries at bedtime, wants to sleep with his picture every night.....and is asking hard questions.....like steve wont leave like dad did will he? HELP! any ideas, i tried to expalin that steve was just at work for a long bit, and we will see him. We pray together for steve everynight, but just doesnt seem to be helping. Any advise????

[sailorwifenmom]

It can be very hard, but here are a few things that might help with your little one (some of this you're going to have to sort of "fudge it" a bit, since you weren't able to do it before he left, but hey, a 4 yr old won't know..)

Here's the one you have to sort of fudge it a bit.... Without your son seeing you, get a tupperware or some sort of large jar or cookie jar or something.  Decorate it, like tape a picture of your boyfriend and son together on it, or separate pictures of both of them on it if you don't have one of them together.  Write things like "Steve's love jar" or whatever on it.  Then, fill it with a ton of Hershey's kisses and Hershey's hugs.  (Normally, it's good to have the Sailor do this with the kids before he goes, or for them before he goes, but you can "cheat" a bit by putting it together and saying that Steve mailed it to you for him...)  Then, once a day (don't go crazy with the candy, lol), your son can have a hug or a kiss, special from Steve, just for him, until he's back with you to give him real hugs and kisses.  (Make SURE that you don't let the jar run out - sneak a few more in there every night after he goes to bed, so he doesn't notice, and it doesn't look like the amount is going down.  Also, I STRONGLY advise AGAINST counting out an exact amount, because extensions and delays, whether for boot camp or deployments, do happen...)

We used to do this with our kids when they were little (shamelessly stolen from a friend) - and it really does help.  I remember one time when my sister and her kids came to visit, they wanted some chocolate, my kids (grudgingly) said ok, but that they wanted me to blow on them first, to blow the "Daddy love" off of them first.

Also, unfortunately, as a girlfriend you aren't able to get the free mailings from Military One Source (things like Elmo's Daddy deploys, etc...)  BUT - you can go look at their site, they have all sorts of GREAT info on how to help kids cope. 

You can also look into ordering him what's called a "Daddy Doll" - they're relatively cheap, and it's a stuffed doll that has the picture of the military member on it for the kids.

It's also important to encourage kids to know that it's ok to be sad, and it's ok to miss Daddy (or Mommy or Steve), but its also ok to have fun while they're gone, too - that Daddy wants you to still play with friends, do stuff, and be happy.  Encourage him to write cards, draw pictures, etc, that he can send.  When he gets out of boot camp and is at school, let him help you send care packages and stuff. 

One thing though that I do stress, because I've seen this really mess kids up - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, even with little ones, use the proper terms for where their Sailor is - "Daddy is on Deployment, he will be home after you start kindergarten"  "Mommy is TAD, she will be home after your field trip next week."  "Steve is at boot camp, when it's warm enough to go swimming, it will be close to him being done."  (You're being vague with the dates for opsec reasons, so the kids don't repeat it, but you're still helping them see a time frame.)  PLEASE, (and I'm not saying you're doing this), but do NOT say things like "Daddy / Mommy is at work" when they're deployed, at boot camp, or whatever.  The reason for this is when the Sailor gets done with whatever it is they're doing, and you're reunited again, when Sailor has to go back into work for just a "regular" sort of day (where they're coming home that night), and the kid hears "Daddy is at work" or "Mommy has to go to work tomorrow" - the kid FREAKS OUT, because to their little kid minds, they don't know if the person they love is going to be home in 8 hours, 8 weeks, or 8 months....

It's MUCH better to use the correct words for where the Sailor is, because it really helps the kids with coping and processing the whole thing over time.

I hope some of this helps!  Good luck, and hugs to you and your son!  You both CAN get through this, I promise! 

[Colleen (Ship12, DIV126)]

It is so hard to have little ones while Daddy is away...  I have 3 little ones.  Ages 7, 4, and 2 and my husband just left on Feb 22 2012.  My kids were having a horrible time the first week..  My Oldest still can't look at his daddy's picture without crying.  But the candy jar is a great idea..  We have been doing that since my recruit left and the kids LOVE it..  Also I made a really cool timeline because kids have no clue about how long the days are.  I took a picture of my husband before he left and blew it up to a 8x10 then laminated it.  I had the kids decorated some poster board I got from the 99cent store and and velcroed a long strip and put days until he was done with bootcamp.  So everyday the kids take turns moving daddy closer to Graduation.  It helps visualize that the days do go by quickly and soon he will reach the end =)  I can take a pic of it and post it on my page... The nights are getting better and less tears... Hope this helps..