Boyfriend choosing active duty... help!

[SZ8]

Hi everyone, I just signed up and looking for more information/support. My story is a bit different than most... or maybe not?

My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago in college at Texas A&M Galveston. I've since then graduated with a B.S this past summer. His expected graduation date is May 2012. He is currently in the Merchant Marine Reserve program, which means he gets a commission in the reserves. When he graduates he will sail on ships for 3 years, which requires him to be gone for couple months at a time. During the summer he's been on training ships and I've had little communication with him, so I'm use to him having to be gone. Yet now he's changed his mind and wants to go into active duty in the Navy and do the Nuclear Submarine program.Once he graduates he'll have a naval officer commission(O-1) He's getting all his paper work ready to send off. Sometime next month he needs to get his official physical done. His contract would be for about 5 years. Nothing is official yet till he gets his interviews with the selection board in D.C

We have talked about marriage before he made this decision, but now we are thinking about getting married before he ships off.  To actually be together than being apart for that long. I was wondering how everything works? Is there's a time period for the navy to recognize our marriage or a process we have to take? How is life on base? Does the Navy provide relocation expenses, help to find civilian job for the spouse?  My degree is in Ocean & Coastal Resources, so I think I can find a job in about any port he's stationed in. I just need advise in what to expect and if we should get married or if it's better to just wait? As I said I'm use to him being gone for about 3 months at a time, but when he's sailing on a ship he comes back for 3 months also and it's more of a routine and it doesn't matter where we live. If he gets accepted for active duty he's always going to be away, unless I live with him at base and follow him, I understand that he can be deployed for 6 months at at time, and i think i can handle that. I'm not afraid of moving around or living in another county with him. I just want to have a better understanding of the situation.

Any comments will help



Thanks :)

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

Hi! First of all welcome to N4M. :)

Second of all, I'm Emily. And Aaron is my fiance. He's a Nuke (he's surface and enlisted though). So I can hopefully answer some of your questions. :)

First thing to remember: Officers are always different than Enlisted. For better or worse, that's just how it is. 

As far as time period for Navy to recognize marriage- all it takes is for him to update his information. As far as for them to move you to wherever, people recommend a few weeks- 2-3 months before orders come out in order to have the Navy pay for your move. The Navy does provide relocation expenses-- if you're married. 

Help for civilian job- There's people on base that can help you find a job. I believe its called Fleet and Family services. I think your best bet would be to find a job with the government. They're more understanding of the whole military thing I would think.

 

I would say- If you know you're going to get married eventually, then I would get married sooner rather than later. It will be better financially. If you're not married, the Navy won't pay to move you from place to place-- You'd have to pay for it on your own. Living is a little different for officer... If he were enlisted he really wouldn't be allowed to live with you unless you were married. But since he's going Officer, he'll have his own apartment once he gets to Charleston (where he'll go to school for the Nuclear stuff). 

 

Nuclear Officers go through 2 basic schools. After they're commissioned (I can't tell you whether they'd make him go through OCS or not), then they go to Charleston, SC. He'll go through a 6 month school there (called power school) and will then have another 6 month school called Prototype. That can be in NY or SC. Lately they've been sending a lot to NY. It's a reallllllly tough program. Like a lot of studying. A lot. haha. It's about a 60% pass rate on the Enlisted side. 

After he finishes those two schools (I don't think officers have any other schools, I'm not as well rehearsed in that side of things, sorry), then he'll be assigned to a boat. There's two types of subs that Nukes are on: Boomers and Fast-Attacks. Boomers are more of the schedule you're used to now- 3 months in and 3 months out. They are only stationed in Bangor, WA and Kingsbay,GA. Fast-Attacks are 6-9 month deployments. And they're stationed several places-- I don't know all, but I'm pretty sure the list is something like San Diego, Hawaii, CT, and Guam. 

The 5 year contract sounds right... He'd be in school for about a year and then 4 years in the fleet (pretty standard). 

If you have any questions, please let me know. Especially about the Charleston area/Nuke program. :)

[Anti M]

Not all nuke officers go to subs*, all the big surface ships are nukes these days too.  Subs is a 100% volunteer situation, and their schedules are not like those of the surface fleet.  The advantage to subs is the tight-knit crew, they become very much like family.  The disadvantages are pretty apparent, less communication, very long hours for the junior officers (first on, last off).  Surface fleet, the junior officers also work long hours, and deployments are longer than six months, more like eight to nine.  However, they have more access to mail, email and snail mail. And phones.  

 

Yes, marry sooner than later.  The financial advantages and ease of paperwork are substantial.  You will be "on the orders" and be eligible for paid travel and shipment of household goods.  The health care plan is outstanding.

 

Scroll down through the discussions and you'll find one on Spouse Preference hiring.  Certain government jobs will give you a small advantage when applying.  

 

*Subs are boats, ships are ... er, ships.  Or targets if you ask the submariners.

[SZ8]

I didn't know it was a volunteer situation, but i think that's what he's wants to do. Would he have a hard time getting to do it? He actually did mention how it's a tight-knit crew and i think he liked that a lot.

I believe he's going on a small tour for about 3-5 days to get a better insight of what living in a sub feels like. (He may not like it)



 Do you think we should get married before he leaves that power school?

[Anti M]

It is easy to get subs, unless there's a security or medical reason.

 

Yes, definitely marry before power school ends, if not before.  

[SZ8]

Thanks

He's explained some of this to me before but i guess had to hear it from someone else. 
So I am I allowed to live with him while he's going to power school and prototype if we are married?

I think he's excited to about the challenging part of it. When we were working on the pro's and con's list, he said that he loved that he would learn more (he's so smart it's slightly intimidating lols) and compared it to going to grad school for a while.


I've definitely keep in touch, I'll need a lot info about the Charleston area! :)

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

Yes you can live together while he's going through Power School or Prototype. 

If you're married, you would have have the opportunity to live on base. 

If you're not, he would have his own apartment off base. So you could live with him, it just wouldn't be on the Navy's dime (he'd only get Single BAH and not BAH for dependents).