Husband enlisting soon- need info and advice, I'm kinda freaking out!

[futurenavywife16]

I would LOVE any tips, info, and advice on Navy life. My husband is enlisting soon, we have 2 little boys, and I'm terrified of how much change is about to happen in our lives! We are both 30 and he has decided to better his future in the Navy now because he's running out of time! I have so many questions I don't even know where to start. Would love some info from ladies with experience. Thanks so much!

 

P.S. I'm still trying to figure out how this website works, lol.

[Lindsay]

I am feeling the same way you are right now, but my fiancé is already at training in Newport, so I am interested to hear any thoughts or advice as well.

[meagan5220]

What types of questions? Lol I could literally go on for days about stuff I have learned and know about the military.. and some of it would be relevant, some of it wouldn't... it's really hard to answer questions that aren't asked. Is it a big change? yes. Huge. Can it be done? Yes easily. :)

[Lindsay]

how can it be done?  I have been pretty down in the dumps this past week and feel like I know absolutely nothing from my fiancé there.  When I finally found the facebook pages (for his class and OTCN) no pictures of him in with the class I have been using for writing him and it seems the other families know things and I don't know anything about what they are talking about.  They have gotten emails and such and calls....me other than the "I have arrived" call, I got 2 letters both with not too much information. :(

[meagan5220]

Well I am sort of that bitchy friend that everyone loves to hate... so don't take what I say personally.. but how can it be done? you get up and make it work. Stop moping. Get up and do something, go out and volunteer, workout. You gotta understand I am the type of person that isn't willing to sit down and mope about the hand life has dealt me. I know people have it way worse, and after losing a very dear close friend at the young age of 18 I absolutely refuse to waste time by being utterly depressed and do nothing with that time. So in my mind if you want to make your life better you will change your way of thinking and do just that. I know people would give anything to have those hours back with their loved ones... so take advantage of it now. Go visit friends you haven't seen in ages, hang out with your family, go to your grandmas and spend the afternoon with her, strengthen your current friendships, you get my drift! A friend of mine that was Navy put it to me this way, this is a rain drop in the sea of life.. Its but a small stretch of time. Its getting you prepared for future separations, deployments, etc. Stop dreading what you have to come and start looking at every day as another step on the way to your goal. An accomplishment, another thing to be proud of. Pour yourself into research, looking up information, getting stuff together for your future, taking some free classes.

Also, one thing I see soooo often is girls get with someone in the military and immediately start blocking out their friends that arent dating or never have dated someone in the military and complaining they don't understand or they don't make them feel better because they cant find the right thing to say. Give them a break! Of course they may not know the right thing to say but give them a break and appreciate them trying! It probably makes them just an uncomfortable and unsure of themselves... but they are trying. That's what friends do. They are there for each other... also don't forget your friends are dealing with stuff and need your support, even if you feel its minor to them it might be the straw that broke the camels back... keep those friendships strong.. you will truly appreciate them later down the road.

 

If you compare your communication to someone else's you will always be disappointed.. I learned that very early on when a wife was Bragging/complaining about how her husband was on an underway and two weeks in he had emailed her so much that she was bored with talking to him and they had run out of stuff to talk about, later it turns out her husband actually wasn't allowed to do things in the shop because he couldn't do his job so he emailed all da, but she said this to a nuke wife that hadn't received an email in that 2 weeks since the ship had left.

Comparing your relationship to others in any sense will always cause heartache in some way. But in a military relationship comparing communication will hurt even worse. You have to remember that they aren't limiting contact because they want to its typically because they have to.

 

Most of my information came from this website and other research I did on my own. My husband never told (and still doesn't really) me anything about the military, what he is doing, or what is going on. Its just the way he is. He really doesn't want the military to be part of his at home life so he tries to leave it out. 

 

Sorry for the long spiel but I hope some of my rambling helps :)

[Fur&FeathersDVM]

My husband went through OCS about four and a half years ago. He was unfortunately injured during his time there and ended up staying for 17 weeks. Believe me- no news is good news! The most I ever heard from my husband while at OCS was when he was in "H" class (holding for those who are injured or who are being held for other reasons).  I got a grand total of three letters over those seventeen weeks.  He had a class leadership position in the class he graduated with, and so often times when they had "free time" (ha) or had a minute to make a phone call, he was busy with his extra duties. If you've not heard anything, your best bet is to believe he is on track until you hear otherwise (He was able to let me know when his graduation date was pushed back due to injury).

Comparing what kind of communication you are getting vs. other people in your husband's class, while very hard to resist, is something you have to learn to not do. Once your fiance is out in the fleet, when he is deployed or underway or away on trips, the sailors he is with will all get varied access to communication and it will be normal for some people to hear more and some people to hear less. When my husband was the communication officer for his first ship, it was normal for me to hear from him frequently because his job was so centered around the computers and phones. When he was on staff with a destroyer squadron, his job was more focused on standing watches in combat and so I didn't hear much. You learn to take any communication that anyone from the ship or deployed unit gets as a gift because if they're sending messages home, it means everyone on board or with them is okay!

Hang in there- when they are first getting started and you don't know what to expect or what's going to happen it's very scary. You can do this- one day at a time (and some days, you may need to even take it one hour or one minute at a time!). There are lots of amazing people on this site who can give you guidance and support and answer your questions or help point you in the direction of someone who can. I remember being in your shoes and it isn't fun- but I promise, it gets better! :)

[futurenavywife16]

I can't think of anything now. lol. Right now he's trying to decide what the best job for him would be.

[meagan5220]

haha well if you have any specific questions feel free to PM me :) I know it can be overwhelming. But I will answer any questions I can.

[TomatoPotato]

Two cents from a wife that has been married to a Sailor for 16 years...let it go!

You can not compare what type, frequency, or knowledge other people are receiving.  He could be in a leadership position which requires additional time and takes away from his "free" time.  Comparing with others will only lead to heartache, frustration and confusion.  You can't get caught up in what you are missing or lacking.  I know that as women we do not like the unknown.  We as women crave information, want stability, and have an insatiable desire to plan.  Use this time as preparation for  deployments to get used to lack of communication and the lack of control over situations. 

I know it is easy for me to say because I was in your shoes oh so many years ago.  The one thing I wish I would have taken to heart when I was newly married to my Sailor was to take a deep breath and realize that no matter how bad I think I have it; he has it 100 times more.

[Lindsay]

Thanks! I'm working on making it better from the advice you girls are sharing. Is him just not sharing the information with me normal?

[TomatoPotato]

He probably does not even realize that he is not sharing information.  OCS Candidates like Sailors in Boot Camp are kept busy from before sun up and until after sundown.   You know more at this point then he does.  Please do not compare what others have gotten in the way of communication; it will only upset you.  Just keep writing him and keep a positive outlook.  OCS will be over before you realize it.

[Lindsay]

Thank you! I hope to see him for the holidays. I see what you mean because I have been upset. I am going to really work harder on staying positive! Thanks for the advice! Any more advice or thoughts are welcomed and appreciated if you have them!