Just a rant

[Ashley10]

Ok, so I don't do this very often, because to a point I kind of feel like it is a low thing to be ranting about my boyfriend on a blog- but of all people that I felt could understand where I'm coming from or how I feel, it'd be all you lovely ladies on here...

So, first off we're down to roughly under a month before he deploys, and you know- I was doing fine with it had processed it and everything like that... Well, last night I get to his house and he has the entire garage basically packed up, so seeing that kind of just put me in a downward fall, because everything at that moment became surreal and it all just hit me. Ok, whatever, I know he needs to pack his house up, but then my mind just went a million miles an hour, because on our last deployment we ended up breaking up a month into it, which I regret EVER doing, but it was a mutual decision because our feelings weren't on the same page, so it was for the best probably. But the entire deployment, I still kept in touch with him and wouldn't let it all go...

After he came home, he realized that his feelings weren't different he was just afraid to admit them to himself, which I can understand and we got back together... But now, with that being said, with out meaning to, I'm kind of starting to put a guard back up it feels like and trying to put some distance between us, because of what happened on last deployment... It's always in the back of my mind, I don't want to though because he has already told me it won't be the same as last deployment, its even been thrown around of me moving in with him when he comes home...

So, I'm trying to get my mind back in the right state to handle all of the stress of the upcoming deployment and my fears...

BUT to top it ALL off, today marks our two year anniversary (when we got back together we decided to not count the break up) and being as neither of us remember the exact date, we just set a date, but he was the one to pick it- April 21st... and it's all because my birthday is August 21st... So he wouldn't 'forget'. Well yesterday I went out and got him a card and all like that, nothing major, but just something cute and what have you- and I put it by his phone so he would wake up and it be there...

When he woke up he read the card and then curled back in bed for a minute to say happy anniversary... and that's all I got- good job remembering right? So, I kind of thought, ok- maybe through out the day sometime, he will surprise me, I don't know why I thought that- Ok, he did surprise me- by taking me to the boat store to pick up a new tire and odds and ends for his boat trailer... What ever, that's fine- but then I told him how I kind of wish today could have been more about us, with it being a special day, at least to me a special day- you know? and what did he do, come home, get a beer, and plop down in front of the TV and started playing a video game...

So, I went into the bedroom and started watching TV and it started raining so the satellite went out of course! So, I go back into the living room and sit on the couch and watched him play for a minute- asked him if he was ok and he said yeah, just giving you space or what ever it is you need... and then  I mentioned I don't really need space, just I need to get myself back in the right mind set... and then again told him just wanted today to be more about us and not everything else, and he said well, you knew this weekend consisted of me packing and all... and I told him, yes I did know that, and then as I was walking back into the bedroom I said, I don't know just seems like you don't care about today and shut the door...

Is it like hard wired into EVERY guys brains about 'forgetting' anniversaries and birthdays, things like that? I mean I love him and all, don't get me wrong- but you know, maybe when you read the card I got you, MAYBE you should have, oh I don't know said oh shit and went and got something? Maybe?

Or am I being to much of a B with this?

I'm not asking for any advice really- I just needed to vent more than anything- but please feel free to let me know if I'm in the wrong or not?

[Marla]

Okay, you're not "totally" in the wrong here, BUT let me kinda explain why *I* think he acted the way he did. (Hubby has been in the Navy for 13 years, we've been married for 12.5 of those.)  Yes, guys forget important dates, even when reminded.  That being said, their brains go into a different mode when getting ready for a deployment.  They aren't like us girls, they don't want all the moments to be special or important.  They have to be the big "macho guy" that doesn't cry or get emotional, so they mentally tune out & distance themselves so that they can handle being away from the people that they love & care for.  My husband does it EVERY time he leaves for any length of time, even with the kids.  It's hard for some people to adjust to, but it's how they get through being away from us.  Make sense?  I know it's not like that for every person, but the majority, that's how it goes....the Fleet & Family Service Centers even talk about it happening when they do the pre-deployment briefs for the commands. 

Hope that this helps explain why it is he was acting that way.  It may not make it feel any better, but at least you can know that its not just him, and that it's a normal reaction for him to what he's going through.  Hang in there, it does get easier to recognize at least, though not always easier to deal with.

~Marla