Life

[dukes2013]

I am in college and my fiance would want me to move in with him after her gets out of A school. I'm not sure about what I am going to do about school and my profession. Maybe i can do school online. Any advice?

[dukes2013]

This is wonderful advice thank you. The reason I wanted to move with him because you'll never know when they'll deploy until its last minute.
Us moving kind if depends on where he is based. If he is close I'll stay. But if the base is far, I was thinking about transferring?? What you think?

[dukes2013]

You see the thing is, before he left for bootcamp, he told me we were getting married sometime this year. So I won't be his fiance. That's why this is a hard decision

[dukes2013]

True. I think I'll stay in school and see how my grades reflect. Thank you so much!!

[dukes2013]

Thank you love

[EmilyNicole98]

Why do you have to go to school online? Can't you go in person? 

I would never suggest that someone does school online. Never, ever ever. Unless it is literally the ONLY option. And even then, it's questionable. It's just not that same experience, not even close. You don't learn as much as when you're in the classroom. And a lot of the online schools are fake and not what they seem, so there's that.  

I had this dilemma two years ago. I ended up choosing to leave my college after my sophomore year to get married and move across the country...and it was the best decision of my life (although there are quite a few negatives and I missed out on a lot). But I'm still in school, at an actual university. I just transferred and it worked out perfectly. Depending on what you're going for and where you're stationed, there's a very good chance there will be a school with your degree within an hour radius. Commuting isn't bad, I promise. I do 45 minutes each way every day and it goes by fast.

Also: it's not the best idea to move with him until you're married unless you have a full time job lined up. Unless he's E-5, he will not receive BAH unmarried and he may not even be allowed to live off base. You'll have to cover rent yourselves and you might not even see him except for on the weekends. You also will not be allowed on base unless you're escorted by someone with a military ID.

It's a big decision either way. It can be done and done well, if you're 100% committed to making it work!

*to reflect the comments above that weren't there when I first started typing a response... One of the biggest reasons why I moved with my husband was because his ship was about to go into drydock. He was deployed throughout our engagement and we knew with 100% certainty that when he got back, he would be in drydock for at least a year, year and a half. If we hadn't had that....I'm not so sure I could have gone. Several of my friends moved with their husbands only to face a deployment within six months. And that would be rather daunting. 

[dukes2013]

The thing is, before he left tfor boot camp he told me we would get married this year(idk if it slipped out or..) But it all depends on where he is based. I think I'm going to stay in school and move later

[abuon18]

Do not EVER sacrifice your education for a relationship. Especially if you are planning to stay in a relationship with a man in the military for the long term. Your education is going to become so important to you down the road as you face moving every few years and needing to find a new job... I have just moved again (3rd time in as many years) and am looking for a job and am seeing so many other military spouses doing the same but are unable to even apply for positions because a lot of them require a BS/BA or at least an AA.

With that being said, if you are set on moving to be with him I would seriously consider transferring schools and not to an online university. The best years of my life were my college years and I would never have given those up for anything. You don't want to miss out on those experiences and friendships.

And I tend to agree with EmCHammer here... Moving "in case" he deploys is a big "what if". First of all you do know well in advance when they are deploying. My husband just got back from deployment 2 months ago and we already know when his ship is scheduled to deploy again. Obviously things can change and we don't know an exact date but, he also got assigned to this ship a month before they deployed last year & I knew the exact date so I could plan my trip to visit to see him off. I chose to stay behind at his previous duty station while he deployed because even as a wife I had a better support system there than I would have had here in just a month, even WITH access to all of the things I receive as a dependent. I had my own circle of friends I relied on & I had a job. So it's not like he's going to come home one day and say "I'm deploying tomorrow". That's REALLY RARE & only in emergency situations. Deployments are planned out ahead of time for years, they have to train for them to be ready. They don't just send them unprepared. There is LOTS of preparation that goes on even just in the time it takes to load up supplies! Unless he's spec ops. That's totally different & I have no idea how their deployments work

Secondly if you choose to move to where he is stationed and you want to stay in school just remember that since you're not married you won't receive the benefit of receiving in-state tuition rates at colleges and universities that is offered to spouses. You will have to pay the out of state tuition rate. If you do get married by the end of the year that changes of course but you don't seem sure of that & I'm just going off of the facts that right now, you're NOT married.

[dukes2013]

By that time we will be married. I never said I would stop going to school. Im a sophomore and the college experience isn't all that, I've experienced all that I needed. FYI the college experience isn't all this its cranked to be when you're in a committed relationship. I'm not stopping until I get my bachelors.

[abuon18]

I actually was also in a long term, long distance relationship during all of my college years, and they were STILL some of the best years of my life. There are times now that I miss it because I miss the discussions with my classmates & teachers, I miss spending quiet time in the library working on papers & projects I'm proud of. And yes, I did enjoy going out with my friends but that's such a small part of it. I also enjoyed the groups and clubs I was involved in.

And sacrificing your education doesn't just mean quitting. It can also mean going from a university or college you love to one you don't love so much, or to an online school that you're not happy with, or to a school that doesn't have as good of a program for what you're studying.

And in YOUR comments you said he said you would get married by the end of the year but you didn't know if he was just saying that.

[dukes2013]

I hate school, I just want to get my degree and get out asap. I don't like discussions and teachers, or quiet time working in the library. I sometimes like the orgo I'm in. And my bf means what he says, I don't need you to try to council me about my man. Thanks.