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Rough patch with my sailor =( Any advice?
I should start by saying my sailor and i very rarely fight. We have no trust issues, I support him 100%. We have been together for almost four years and are actually planning to be married soon. I'm not sure what is going on but there has been a lot of tension between us this last week. He is almost done with a school and is getting really anxious to come home. I won't lie and say i'm not getting anxious too but this "anxiety" is starting to cause problems and i'm beginning to fear it will always be this way. We also just found out he will be deploying almost as soon as he gets to his base. We're new to the navy family and i feel like everything is moving so incredibly fast. Has anyone else gone through this? Should i be alarmed? I feel very strongly that i should stand by him no matter what but does that mean i have to give up that part of me that needs him to care about my feelings too? I really just need some advice!!
Tiffany
Views: 360
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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Everyone expects a reunion to be all hugs and puppies and rainbows, but the truth is, you two will need to get reacquainted again. And again. He still cares, but some guys put up a wall because that's the only thing they can do easily.
It gets better.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffany51908 on
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ugh i hear that but in a way its discouraging. Sometimes he doesn't have much to say, then sometimes he calls in the middle of the night saying he loves me and cant lose me. I'd do anything for him but i often find myself neglecting my own feelings in order to accommodate his. This life is not as romantic as the movies make it out to be lol. I know he is worrying about his first deployment coming so soon, and i know he worries about me not wanting this life. I just wish i knew how i could make things easier! Thank you so much for responding so fast by the way!
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Thank you! Yea its just all so much more stressful than we anticipated. He was rpoc in boot camp and now is co of his fleet so i know he has a lot of pressure on him and responsibility. Its just so hard. We've always been so open but now if feel like there are limits to what i can say to him. I just can't wait to have him home. Maybe he will fall out of that military mindset for a while and be able to think a little clearer once he is home. I'm staying hopeful and find comfort knowing you've survived this!
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Thank you!! I think i'm holding it together pretty well. My sailor is the exact same way, takes everything navy related seriously and has to be the best. Just got the call that he will be home in a week and a half!!! I think we both just need to be with each other.Thanks for all the advice! I needed it lol.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on
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"CO of his fleet" ? CO means Commanding Officer..which is the Officer in charge of the whole command.
Not being rude, but it really doesn't matter what they did in bootcamp and or "A" School, once they get to their new command they have to prove themselfs all over again and it is very stressful. No words can explain what they are feeling or going through and unless you have gone through it you really can't understand.
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I am aware of what it means but that is the term he used, it must be some legit thing because his recruiter sent him a letter congratulation him on it. I'll ask him exactly what it is. I am not offended easily so don't worry about being rude. Your honest opinion is the only one i want so appreciate you taking time to write me. I totally get what your saying and i think that is a big stress factor for him, no matter how hard he works he keeps having to start over. At this point i'm learning not to pry, he will come to me when he is ready. My only concern is that i feel i could be doing something to make it easier on him.
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He won't have to keep proving himself over and over again (not in the same sense, at least) as he is now.
In boot camp, he has to prove that he has what it takes to be a Sailor. The Recruit positions that they have while there are important, in the sense that it shows that the people training them see leadership qualities in them (not getting it doesn't mean that they don't see it in others - but there are only so many of these positions to go around).
In A school, he has to prove that he has what it takes to be whatever that specific rating is - that he has the skill, intelligence, and drive to master that particular specialty.
After that, when he gets to his first command, he's going to have to prove himself, in that he will have to prove that now that he's out in the fleet, with "the training wheels taken off" so to speak, he can put the two things together, and be good at being a Sailor and good at his specific rating all at the same time, without them having to breathe down his neck so much.
Once he does that, and as he starts to earn promotions and awards, it gets easier, because even when he transfers to a new command, people will be able to look at him and say, hey, he's at ___ paygrade, and look at his ribbon rack, he's earned ____ award, so they assume a certain level of leadership and professional skills because of it.
He will have to do a little bit of "proving himself" and fitting into the new unit each time he transfers, but it won't be such a "starting over from square one" like it is now.
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He said the term CO works the same as RPOC its a leadership 'role" you play
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Yeah, every "ship" has a "CO" .... but never use that as his title. It is simply an analogy to explain chain of command to those new to it. RCPO is an important leadership position, and it does need to be filled and fulfilled... but to us old sailors, calling your recruit a CO is Not Right. Ever.
He'll get that later, when he's in the fleet. It's a sailor thing.
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So much to learn in such little time!! Terminology is wearing me out! But ok lesson learned lol
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haha yea i am already learning that! I do appreciate all the help i can get though. Thank you!
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