sad birthday

[mollybub]

I've been absent from this site for the last week, mostly because I've been very busy. Also, because I'm not sure what's going on with my SR. He called last Saturday, and we had a forty minute phone call. During this phone call, he told me that if he failed his final PFA - which was this past Thursday - he would ask to leave boot camp. Then, today I received a letter he sent on Sunday, and all he talks about is coming home. He sent one to his parents as well, saying the same thing.

I'm at a loss. I have been sick all week with worry, and this letter felt like the last straw. The last thing I wanted was for my fiance to fail, but it seems to me that most recruits improve as time goes on, in terms of attitude towards the Navy. He just keeps on hating it! He seems almost determined to fail and determined to come home.

So my questions are these - does it make me a horrible person to wish that he will come home, if he's hating the Navy so severely? Would I know by now, if his PFA was Thursday, if he did fail? Should I plan on going to graduation - which is this coming Wednesday? And what happens if he does come home? 

This entire experience has felt like a complete mess. Either way, I just want it to be over.

To make matters worse, today, the 17th, is my birthday. It's only been two hours in to my birthday, and I'm hating it already. It's just so hard to have to spend this day without my fiance. Any advice, guidance, or support would be very appreciated.

[howarda14]

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to watch him go through these tough times in his life especially when you can't be there to comfort him. For my sailor his problems started when he started A school, he excelled in basic but he had a lot of difficulty when he got to his new base. He would call me and ask me if I would hate him or be ashamed of him if he failed out all the time. The important thing to do is stand by him and support him the best way you know how. Motivate him, tell him you're proud of him, tell him he's strong because our sailors are all of these. 

I wish you and your SR all the best of luck you both deserve it, and Happy birthday :) 

[mollybub]

I'm sorry your sailor has had problems in A school! I'm worried that, if my fiance does pass and go on to A school, he will have problems there as well. Too many worries! But I have done my absolute best to assure him I have his back, with every letter - and I sent one every single day! Haha.

Thank you very much for your good wishes! My birthday turned out to be pretty great!

[Dina0106]

Happy Birthday Molly:-)

As for your troubles, I supposed if he really is not adjusting at all. Then maybe the Navy was not really the right decision for him, you can't change someone's mentality. It's not horrible that you want him to come home, my fiance just graduated and I want him to drop everything to come home every once in a while. Until you hear from him don't plan anything that can't be taken back if needed. I can't be much help since this isn't really something that I have dealt with myself so I can only "stand outside looking in". I hope everything works out for you and your fiance.

[mollybub]

Thank you! :)

Your kindness and support is help enough! That's what I love about this website... every one is so supportive, and it helps during these hard times. I know you have gone through some tough moments as well, and I admire the strength you have had to endure it! It gives me hope, and I also hope all the best for you and your fiance as well.

[sailorwifenmom]

(((Hugs))) and happy birthday!

It's not horrible that you feel this way. All it means is you love and support him and want him to be happy, whether that is in the Navy or not, and that you are anxious to know, either way, which it's going to be. That's not a bad thing. It just shows that you're human, and you love him!

Try to hang in there, no matter what happens, he's lucky to have you!

[mollybub]

Thank you!

It's nice to hear that it's not so bad if I'm feeling this way. I know it is selfish, one some level, but like you said - it's human. I'm just doing my best! Haha, and I know he is too. I'm just so worried about him, and the future... I'm very tired of living in limbo.

He is lucky, isn't he? Just kidding :) I'm lucky too! We're lucky to have found each other, so soon in our lives. 

[meagan5220]

Happy Birthday Molly :) I know its hard but I tell girls all the time with the military its very helpful to be able to put less emphasis on the day and more emphasis on the celebration. Whether that comes before or after the big day. My husband and I have had to celebrate so many special days at other times. Again I know its hard but it helps a little to remember if gives you a chance to celebrate twice :)

 

Like saliorwifenmom said it doesnt make you a bad person it just means you want to make him happy. I say still plan on going to graduation. Encourage him as much as you can. I know its hard and he might hate it. My husband literally talks everyday about how much he hates the Navy. For the guys that dont like it yes its a constant hatred pretty much. I know a few other sailors like that too. In the long run staying in is much better for his future and your future as well. Thats what my husband said he kept thinking about. He said not getting through bc or getting pushed out early is not something he wants on his record whether its dishonorable or not. He doesnt want to have a bad discharge like that because he knows how it could impact our future together. Now I dont think he should purposely fail. if he cant do it he cant do it. But my sailor also knows he would have hate himself if he did fail and it was something he could pass. Just keep standing by his side! I know its sooo hard. you got a great support system here and when he gets stationed somewhere else there will be people in the area that are in the same situation and he will make friends which helps some.

[mollybub]

Thank you! Today, I did what I could to put the emphasis on the celebration, as you put it. My best friend went with me to get my second tattoo, and we had a little dinner date, so it turned out to be a pretty great night! And I know I will be seeing my fiance soon, one way or another.

My fiance was scared of that "less than honorable" discharge, which is why he promised to do his best - coming home is the back up plan. I'm just wondering if I would know by now whether or not he passed! He hasn't had Battlestations yet, and I was told not to expect a call until Tuesday. Everything is down to the wire, since his is a Wednesday graduation. Despite my concerns and my selfish frustrations, I promised him I would be at graduation, if he does indeed graduate, so I'll be heading to Great Lakes unless I hear otherwise. It's all very nerve wracking, and those selfish feelings I mentioned have me about ready to strangle him, even though it's not his fault! Love is such a pain sometimes, haha.

I really don't know what I would do without this site sometimes. It is such an excellent support system, and you in particular have been very helpful to me, with all of my crazy questions! So, again, thank you so much. I really do appreciate it!

[meagan5220]

lol so I barely remember typing this yesterday.. so if it didnt make much sense lol I apologize. I had to take lots of allergy medicinie bc I was really not feeling good lol. Lordy I shouldnt be allowed on my laptop sometimes. :) I know its hard and its so unknown right now. Its hard to give advice for something no one can tell you for sure what will happen.

[Anti M]

You know the thing about guys who hate the Navy?  Once they get out, they never shut up about it.  Seriously,  I've seen it over and over.  They love to hate the Navy.  Funny.

[meagan5220]

oh not my husband... he wont be allowed to lol. He already gets told we dont talk about work at home. Unless its a really bad day. Sadly, when he went in he was super excited about it. He really has gotten screwed over a few times and his senior chief has even tried to blame stuff on me, by saying he called and left me messages about stuff and I didnt pass them on. He is allowed to rant about it but I dont deal with constantly talking about it and when he gets out.. it will be in the past lol.