what do you know about your Sailor's job?

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

I'm curious about this. My hubby is just about to graduate from bootcamp. When we met, we worked for the same company. He trained me so we basically did the same job the same way. We knew all the little details of what we did everyday and literally could do each other's job and did fill in for one another sometimes. Now that he's going to be a Sailor, I feel kind of behind or left out. I have been reading as much as I can but of course they don't make most of that available. I just worry that our relationship will be very different because of not being able to share this big aspect of his life. I don't expect to know everything, especially if he's not allowed to talk about it. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels this way or has gone through it before and how you coped with it. It's almost a feeling of inadequacy, which is silly because of course I won't know what he knows.

Thanks in advance!
Jenn.

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

And, since we decided to have the baby, we decided I would be a SAHM, so I don't have anything intellectual to talk about from my "day at the office", just the kids, dogs and housekeeping.

[meagan5220]

I know the basics of my husbands job, he is an aviation mechanic so its not super complicated. Like most sailors I know, he does not want to talk about the Navy or his job at all when he is at home. Typically, they want to keep their work and home life seperate. To be quite honest I am perfectly ok with that. Of course if he needs to talk I listen and I ask him how his day wants but he doesn't want to deal with or think about it at home more than he has to. You could always take classes or something. You can google free online courses and there are lots of classes that are interesting and fun to take. Or MyCAA covers some schooling as well.

[Anti M]

I didn't have that problem... I was in the Navy and taking over his job.  That's how we met!   We were both electronics technicians.  Our problem was we would carry the job home with us because we could talk about it.  And not just the technical aspects, but problems and concerns with the sailors in our workcenters as we were also supervisors.    And yes, if aspects of his job are classified, it won't be a topic of conversation. We both had Top Secret clearances and even then we used "need to know" and avoided talking about certain things.  

So not knowing the job can be a good thing, you can create a space where he can let go of the day more easily.  

Taking classes is an excellent idea.  You could train for a different career, enhance what you already do, or branch out into new interests.  If not, get out there and volunteer.   Or join a group or club centered on an interest or skill.  Don't let his job define you.

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

I was trying to take classes, i'm only 1 semester from my AS then I planned on nursing school. But i'm 30 and we wanted a to have kids before I am too much older. My first son was born premature so we wanted to be as healthy as possible. That's why I paused my schooling so close to the end, and he doesn't want to kids in daycare at all so it makes it hard to do anything grown-up like.

Also, the main reason I'm concerned is because we did talk about our job a lot, working through problems, brainstorming new ideas, especially after he became the manager. Now what do we talk about?

[meagan5220]

The free online coursesI was talking about are not going to be towards a degree or anything. They are interesting not often taught topics sometimes. Like about certain types or art styles, or certain periods of history. So you could look at them during naptime and have something interesting to talk about. About a new culture or theory. The ones I look at are through Yale and other upper end schools. They are taught by profs who have a true interest in the topic and its just like a filler course. Its interesting to learn different things you normally wouldnt in school.

 

Like I said a lot of sailors I know do not want to talk about work. They just want to have a place to come relax and get away from it all. When My husband and his friends are all hanging out from the ship, the only reason you would be able to know they are on the ship together is they only know each other's last name. If the ship or work does come up, especially if they are drinking, they typically throw something at whoever brought it up. Most of them want to leave work at work. Its stressful so typically they want a place to just forget about it all. That might just be my experience but its what I have seen anytime I am with my husband or him and his friends.  

 

Like Anti M said dont be defined by his job. Like I know some wives who are nuke wives and will only make friends with other nuke wives. Even though none of them know anything about their husbands job really other than they are a nuke. Volunteering is a great way to get involved too. :)

 

You will still find plenty of things to talk about :) Due to several moves I have barely had a job for the last year a few months here and there. But nothing concrete and My husband and I have always had plenty to talk about. Just about life in general, the kids (which are actually puppies lol), trips we want to take, even if they are day trips, new things to explore in our area, learning new things about each other.

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

OK so typing it all out really helped. I had a bit of an epiphany as to why i'm anxious about this. I'm still anxious, but at least I understand why and can work on it. Thank you for your input and being a sounding board.

Having a resource like this is invaluable!

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

My husband works in the reactor plant. I'm basically allowed to know nothing. All I know is the basics of how his day works like when and how often he usually stands watch. And sometimes he'll give me a general description of what he does on watch (sit there and sing to himself for example. haha). Every once in awhile he'll explain some cool scientific concept to me in terms unrelated to the ship or the Navy's nuclear program. And I try to follow the best I can but I usually get lost pretty quickly. haha. 

Honestly though, he doesn't like to talk about work because he hates it. I do my best to let him leave work and work (as much as you can with the Navy), but I'm always here to listen if he wants. :)

[AshleySuperfly]

My boyfriend is an ET and I know about as much as what Wikepedia will tell me haha.  He gave me a very textbook definition of his job, and I'm ok with that.  I couldn't discuss that stuff with him anyway, even if I wanted to.  While he's deployed, he seems to light up more in conversation when we talk about Navy/Job related things rather then the banal day to day we did before he deployed, so I try to get as much information as I can.  I know he really loves his job and telling me everything that he did that day, and the last thing I want to be is totally confused and have to have him explain everything to me.  That's got to be frustrating.  So, if I need to know, I know.  And if not, then ok.  Moving on to the next topic of discussion.  It never makes me feel less then in the relationship to not know everything.  Some days, I don't WANT to know LOL

[Anti M]

As an ex-ET, I can provide translation services.... hehe.

[AshleySuperfly]

I may need that from time to time! lol