What Happens Now?

[kling]

Alright, I'm not sure if you all have ever experienced this before...or how long you've been a Navy girlfriend/fiance/wife, but I'd love to hear from your personal experience what you did to resolve it!

My boyfriend JUST finished boot camp...like JUST yesterday. I should be OFF the wall happy and excited to be able to talk to him in "real time" again right? But here's the thing...I think he feels it too - for the last 2 whole months, we were both living our own lives and didn't get to talk to each other on a daily basis and now for some reason, I'm all nervous talking to him again, as if we didn't know each other...Did any of you feel that way before in the beginning? 

[jazzelle29]

Lol Meagan...us ex law enforcement types like to keep our finger on the pulse ;)

This is a good thread, and highlights the concerns us fairly "new" girlfriends have...its a funny old situation, especially when you haven't got lots of previous relationship history to go on.

One thing that has comforted me somewhat is knowing that although a civilian relationship under the same conditions would be considered positively bizarre...for our sailors this is not unusual...they are all literally in the same boat(!) and long distance/months apart/limited communication is their "normal".

I know that I would certainly like to have a "normal" relationship with my man asap, but even if I had remained in the States we still would have been long distance.

Another thing that I also think about as I near my 34th birthday (arrgghhh)! Is that I'm not so sure that ten years ago I could have coped with all this. I used to be extremely needy, possessive, insecure and immature in relationships. I would not have found this an opportunity for growth and would have lasted about six weeks-let alone six months!

But...time on my own, a bit of age (and some hideous internet dating experiences)...and knowing that I'm one cat away from Mad Cat Lady status definitely causes oneself to think about their values and priorities.

I have found a guy that I believe shares a similar values system, has a strong work ethic, shared interests, great manners, a sense of humor and who is dependable. OK...I still have 3000 miles to ensure that my findings are correct....

...the fact that the guy can sing, dance, rope a cow, ride a horse, drives a dually and looks a total hottie in Wranglers and a cowboy hat is neither here nor there! Hahaha!

Kling...I would say when I am due to see my man again, but Meagan would have an OPSEC Nazi-esque shit fit on me (justifiably so). All I can say that I find myself checking my calender about sixteen times a day and it still seems like forever :(

[kling]

It IS a funny situation. Here you are completely devoted to someone who's thousands of miles apart and you don't get to see for months at a time - a concept people with "normal" relationships don't really get because they get to see their person nearly every day - and yet, your relationship is JUST as strong and real as theirs.

I know I'm still learning. If I were in this situation a few years back, I don't think I would have been able to muster the same amount of patience, commitment, and maturity to make this work. But somehow, I've found a guy who shares the same values, beliefs and interests as I do and whom is so freaking adorable when he sings me goodnight that it makes this whole thing worth waiting for :)

Jazzelle, hahaha you are hilarious! I totally understand, just didn't know that we weren't supposed to say when they come back. Learn something new every day on this site xD I don't know Meagan very well, but from the way she described her telling off another Navy wife, I wouldn't be surprised. You are one AWESOME person Meagan for not putting up with the shit some ladies try to throw at ya :P 

[meagan5220]

kling

 

I agree Its a battle not only within the navy community (because a lot of people think their relationship is the way it should be done or something, idk but people feel they have the right to judge when they in fact do not!)

It does take a lot of work for this type of relationship... not so much patience or understanding on my part butttt I have learned to pick my battles even more so than before or just wait til he is home. Then we can get it all out at once haha ;)

 

OPSEC is of course super important! (Our ship has a huge issue with it bc apparently some idiots dont understand after being warned 100 times that they cant do it. And they keep trying to find a way around it!) It doesnt apply as much to BC and A school but always good to practice. Pretty much you dont say anything about ship movements, locations, and dates. My friends and I always say NEVER talk about the future only the past. So I can say they went to Bahrain because the ship officially released that. :) The only time you can tell someone the date until its been officially released is in person in a secure location. So no texting, emailing, fb, phone calls, letters nothing. :) Thats a shortened version of OPSEC lol

 

Haha ... I am not your typical "Navy Wife" In fact I hate when people refer to me as a Navy Wife. Not that I am not proud of my sailor, which people like to assume. But I am Meagan. I am married to a guy that is a sailor :) Not that I look down on people who like the term. I just dont want it for myself lol :) and I def dont put up with shit. lol Right now I have ummm 4-5 Navy Wives that hate me haha. Mostly bc some violated OPSEC and got in trouble... I didnt report them bc I didnt see it but since I am so outward about my OPSEC nazi side they assumed. and then another was a tag a long of two of the girls. And one girl I have actually never met.. but someone must have said I said something about her bc she freaked out on me on fb and blocked me lol!! Who knowsss! lol I dont do drama lol I dont do catty shit either and wont put up with it. lol

 

[meagan5220]

haha yea but you should be better at hiding it by now jeez ;) lol you know I know all your tricks right?? hahaha I just applied for a job doing background investigations.... ding ding ding!! lol

 

Umm and never get any cats we both know how your last experience went with them haha!!

 

and yes I am a bit of an OPSEC nazi hahaha!

 

[kling]

Hi there msbre! It's good to know I wasn't the only one getting all nervous -___- I wasn't really sure why I was nervous either, it wasn't like he changed - maybe I was just afraid that he did and that he wanted to talk about nothing but his "new" life.

With each day that he's been back from boot camp though, I'm beginning to see that you're right! It was nerve-wracking, going back talking to each other all over again after all the letters we wrote to each other while he was there. It was like we had put our relationship on pause for 2 months, then when it resumed again, somehow we skipped a step and I was freaking out! lol

But you're right :) We've been talking every day again and it's great! Neither of us are nervous anymore and it's kinda back to how it was before he left - he's even making plans to fly me out to see him in a few months!

Thanks for reassuring me that this nervousness is just a phase. :)

[kling]

How exciting! I wish I were seeing him in 8 days! Also, your profile picture is ADORABLE! Lol, thought I'd just let you know. I can't wait to be able to take one like that with mine :(

He's in Charleston, SC for A School for basically the next 2 years. We're basically on opposite coasts right now because I'm in San Diego. How bout yours? 

[erinlynn87(7/289)]

It's different for everyone! My (then fiance) and I had been dating for 5 years and I know exactly what you mean! I felt very nervous talking to him and seeing him again-I was shy and nervous just like it was when we first started dating, but the more time you spend together, things will start to go back to normal, at least they did for me. Don't let people tell you it's a "bad" or "abnormal" thing, it's not! It's just different for everyone! You two have been through a lot and it will take time to get back to normal.

[sailorwifenmom]

Hi! 

This is actually a very normal thing - you all are not alone :-)  Not everyone goes through it after a separation, and not everyone who went through it during one separation will go through it during the next one, or vice versa. 

There's actually something called the emotional spiral of deployment, and one of the stages talks about this.  Just give it time :-)