Young Wives ?

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

 

Hey all Navy Girlfriends fiance's and wives =D

 

So lately in my SR's letters he's been bringing up marriage a lot. I dont if its because he just misses me so much or if he really has getting married to me on his mind. Im not really sure how to feel about it because to be honest i would love to marry him, right now i feel as though he is the love of my life, BUT i am a freshman in college and only 18. So what i was wondering was if any of you who have been through the same thing or can give me a little advice on this topic that would be great, cause at this point im a little confused. Also i was wondering do a lot of  girls get married at a young age because of the Navy circunstances?

 

Thanks for reading

[Melissa]

Yes a lot of military couples marry young. it's very difficult maintaining a relationship with someone in the military when theres so much going on in both your lives and so many miles apart. I got married at 20, next month is my 1 year anniversary, and so far so good, i mean we've had our struggles, afterall we are young. But at the end of the day we are happy, and our lives have continued. With my job i was able to transfer & could have done the same with school but decided to do it online. The independence is wonderful, and i'm getting more done now then i could have ever done still at home with my parents in my hometown. Hope you do whats right for you, follow your heart, love doesn't show up on your doorstep everyday.

[Cait a sailors girl!]

I have news and i figured this was the perfect place to put it.... I talked to my SR today (He is in boot camp and it was his first call home) He told me that when he gets out of school and he gets stationed in San Diego (where i will be going to school) He wanst to marry me! So if all goes as planned in about a year and a half or two years i will be getting married! I am so beyond happy!

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

Im really happy for you cait =) i can only imagine the feeling !! i get butterflies just thinking about my SR asking me to marry him so i can only picture whats its like .Congrats again .. Best of luck to you ! =)

[FC Breaux's Wife]

I agree with Sara completely. Me and my husband were engaged 6months before he left fo BC and got married while he was in ATT when he came home for Christmas, we've been married for four months now and since he's been out of BC he's more mature and cherishes life and time with his family more.

[ProudNavyWifeFresca]

I just got married for my sailor last friday after not seeing him for 6 months, we have been engaged for a year though . he just got to japan for his first deployment, and i miss him terribly but i know he wouldnt want me crying my eyes out, instead he knows i have 2 jobs to focus on and service pup to train and a horse riding career to start, so trust me, if u see your self with him, dont think twice about walking away, i noticed the week i got to spend with my man, i was a princess, i made all the decisions, because he looked up to me, while he was gone for 6 months, i paid the bills, i raised our pup and i worked 3 jobs just to make ends meet b/c his paycheck didnt come in right away while in bootcamp. ontop of the family drama, ya i wouldnt change it for the world, i love my husband and we been together for almost 5 years and we just got married on the 2nd. he is my world, and i am so proud of him for serving our country and making sure my dreams come true in the process, slowly but happening, make sure you let your man know what U want! AND WHAT U WILL HELP HIM SUCCEED IN. IT TAKES 2 , NOT 1 TO COMMIT. but in the end its a beautiful thing!

good luck girl!

fresca

[sailorwifenmom]

My husband and I got married when we were both 20 years old, and that was 20 years ago.  I also have an 18 yr old daughter who is a freshmen at college, and a 19 yr old son (who is engaged) in the Navy.  We were young when we got married,  and there were a lot of challenges and there were times it was very hard.  Being newly married is a challenge.  Being a young adult starting out on your own is a challenge.  Being a Navy family is a challenge.  When you add it all together, it can become extremely challenging.

However, that does not mean it's impossible.  There are lots of opportunities for marriage enrichment classes, marriage counseling, classes on healthy communication, budgeting, parenting, etc (all things that can pose challenges to a marriage) - and they're free!

Now, I do have to say though, I don't believe the Navy "pushes couples' to get married.  They do not stop a Sailor from having a relationship with someone, long distance or local.  They simply say they are not paying for the girlfriend / boyfriend to move, or providing benefits, etc, to them, unless they are a spouse.  (Which is fair, because, honestly, if you think about it, civilian corporations do the same thing, they provide health benefits, etc, to the spouses, but not girl/boy friends...) 

My advice is this - weigh these questions -- if you marry him, are you willing to transfer schools and be flexible with that, or is it going to be something that you will resent with time?  Are you both wanting to get married because you want to be together, or are you thinking about getting married because you are afraid to be alone, or afraid if you don't and you're "long distance" for awhile, you're going to break up?  (Because if it's that, then that's not a good reason.  Married or not, a Navy family is going to have a lot of time apart....)  If it's a desire to have this experience together, because  you love each other, and you both want it, then go for it.  If it's because one or both of you are feeling a bit overwhelmed in your new circumstances (college for you, Navy for him...), and you're a bit scared to face it alone, then that's not good, either....

In short, no matter what age you are, if YOU think you are too young, and YOU think you aren't ready, then it doesn't matter how old you are, or what the rest of us think, and, honestly, it doesn't matter what he thinks, either (except that he has to feel the same about you - feeling ready to get married).  YOU have to decide what's best for you, and what you can (and can't) live with (or without)...

Anyway, hope this all makes sense...

[sailorwifenmom]

One other thought - if you are having these doubts, there is nothing wrong with waiting.  After all, you're talking about a lifetime - if it IS meant to be, waiting a year or so, until you are more comfortable with it, and you know it's right (my husband and I were scared, yes, but we KNEW it was right...).  Because in the grand scheme of the next 50 - 60 years together, what's a year?  And if it can't survive that year of waiting until you're sure, then it wasn't going to survive the long haul, kwim?

[EmilyNicole98]

The average age is 20, so you aren't too far off. I'm 19 and planning our wedding right now, although we'll be 20 and 23 next summer when it happens. :) 

We were thinking of getting married after he finished A school, when we would have been dating for eight months, but we decided to push it back until after his first deployment. That gave us way more time to plan and make sure we were ready, and it's also giving us a chance to see more of what Navy life will be like.. It would have made things easier on me legal-wise to get married earlier because it's hard to plan a move and find an apartment right now since we aren't, but I'm really glad we decided to wait. 

One thing you have to consider is your college career....are you going to move with him to his base once he gets stationed, or are you going to stay where you are now until you graduate? I'm a sophomore and I'm transferring after this year because otherwise we would be on opposite sides of the country. I'm willing to move 2,000 miles away from my family, but a lot of people can't or won't do that. 

[Eryn]

I'm 19 and I've never thought of getting married until I was at least 23, but being a girlfriend isn't recognized by the Navy at all. My boyfriend is 3 weeks away from graduating boot camp, and on Thanksgiving I can't sign him out for the day because I'm not family. At the airport I can't get a gate pass because I'm not family. We have been together for a year and a half and really serious the whole time. He used to say he wanted to be older when he got married that way he would be really sure, now that he's been there he is starting to want commitment sooner. He said being apart made him even more sure of our relationship. I still don't want to get married until I'm at least 20, I really like the idea of a long engagement and then getting married after at least one deployment.

[Eryn]

The other concern for us though is that even though I would be completely willing to move anywhere and go to any school, with my program I would not be able to transfer and I would have to start over. So I am stuck where I'm at for a year and a half. So we might wait until I am out of school to actually get married.