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Comment by Michael on February 26, 2016 at 9:30pm

@Anti M

Thank you I know ill be fine, just wish my mother was not such a hard person now

Comment by Anti M on February 26, 2016 at 7:14pm

Michael, so sorry she is being so insensitive and awful. I was born and raised in the Navy, "Navy brat" is a special thing to be! You've got this!

Comment by Michael on February 26, 2016 at 6:21pm

@USNwifeIL

Thank you so much, you dont know how hurt I was. I know I can do it and I know we can do it. Our daughter will be fine and so will my family. I am very proud of my husband.

Comment by Michael on February 26, 2016 at 5:09pm

So today my mother came over to my house to tell me that she is upset that my husband is leaving for the navy in 8 days. She said that I was not thinking of our little girl when he and I decided it was ok for him to sign up. She then told me it was wrong for me to move back to my home town if we are just going to leave and very selfish of us. She then further told me that my husband should have waited to do this until she is older. I stated to her my husband is 31 its not like he has 10 years to wait to join if he doe snot join soon he will be to old to join. She then said why did he not do this earlier in his life to get it out of his system, i then had to remind her that he was not a american citizen at that point and lived in Canada. I am so upset at my mother for putting so much undue pressure on me and us. I am almost to the point is I can not wait to move and leave so I can stop hearing her cry about my husband doing something patriotic and for him living his dream. I told her everything in life is not always about you. I am very hurt and confused i just needed to tell someone.

Comment by WifeofaUSsailor on February 26, 2016 at 12:48pm

My husband's mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer while he was at bootcamp. We waited to tell him at PIR because as hard as it was for her to, she wanted to make the trip out to graduation and tell him herself and we felt it was better to have that conversation in person with him. But with your situation it might be different. I can't remember how long we had to talk but I would just ask him when he calls you how long he has to talk. If it's only a few minutes then wait till PIR, if he has about half an hour then you could tell him over the phone. They also have chaplains on base that you could call ahead and schedule to have meet with him later that afternoon if you think that's something that would help him. They talked with my husband at A school after his mom passed away this August and were extremely helpful.

Comment by Maria on February 26, 2016 at 12:33pm

Thank you very muchfor the help!

Comment by Anti M on February 26, 2016 at 11:55am

I would say during the I'm a sailor call.  Those tend to be longer calls, and you will have time to break it to him.   That will give him a few days to process it before PIR, so that day will not be totally spoiled.  Also, letting him decide is a good strategy.

I know this is different, but I was in a lengthy Navy school and my parents had care of my cat.  They didn't want to tell me she'd been hit by a car, so they waited until I was on Christmas leave.  Ruined my holiday, I'd rather have known beforehand than be all excited to see my kitty and she was gone.  I know a cat is not a person, but the feeling of having information withheld is quite awful.

Comment by Maria on February 26, 2016 at 11:49am

In need of some advice. My best friend's father passed away just 2 weeks after my Sr left for boot camp. He was pretty close to her father so I didn't want to write him a letter saying he passed away because i figured it would bum him out. Now that PIR is a week away, I have to tell him. I don't know whether i should tell him when i get the "I'm a Sailor" call or wait until PIR and tell him in person. I just dont want to ruin his graduation day and once he gets his phone back he'll see it all over social media as there is a benefit coming up. Should I ask my Sailor and say "look something happened while you were gone and i didnt tell you because i didnt want to distract you. Would you like me to tell you now or in person?" then have him decide what he wants? Help please!! And sorry about the lengthy question

Comment by DieselLady on February 25, 2016 at 9:39am

Kara- I know how you feel about his step mom getting upset. During boot camp every letter, the box, and all of his phone calls were directed to me. His mom got so upset to the point that when we had our wedding she was still mad at me. Honestly, just let it roll off your shoulder. At this point in your relationship both of your parents need to understand that you are adults and that you are a team, they matter still but he's not a little boy who needs his mother all the time.

Comment by Anti M on February 25, 2016 at 8:53am

My parents were over-protective of me even when I was 30 and got married a second time!  They never quit, but usually it is done out of love. 

That said, as long as you are paying for the trip and can show you have all the travel and hotel arrangements made, and will stay in touch, you're an adult and should be allowed to expand your horizons a little.  Chicago is not the wild wild west, and it isn't like you're going into the really bad areas.  

This may be indelicate, but assure your mom you are not running away to get married, and that you are responsible and are not going to come back pregnant.  Let her know your education is a priority and you'd not risk it.  That may or may not be on her mind, if it is, she needs to know you're smart and understand her fears.  Again, sorry to be indelicate, it may not apply to your situation at all.  But moms worry about stuff like that even if they won't say it.

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