Competing with the boyfriend

[Sunshine Ship 03 Div 056]

My daughter (18) joined the Navy last May, a few weeks before she graduated high school.  She was placed on a 6 month delayed entry & is shipping out tomorrow.  Everything was going fine until she decided she needed to experience some freedom before shipping out.  So she moved out with 2 of her friends.  Then some guy at her work asked her out.  Against her better judgement, she went on a date with the guy.  Next thing we know she was moving out of her apartment with the friends & moving in with this guy she had only known for a few weeks.  Now they're talking about marriage.  They've only known each other for 2 months!

We took our daughter to the hotel tonight, checked her in, then took her to dinner.  When we arrived back at the hotel, there was the boyfriend.  We're praying that BC will help her to grow up & see things more clearly.  She has alot of living to do before she settles down.

[christmas2006]

to mom's of  daughters 2 , my heart goes out to you, at that age, they know everything and the parents know nothing of how they feel or what they are going through, we already went through that with all 3 of our girls. we are left wondering what happened . our daughter changed so much when she joined the navy, all she does is give orders. we're not even her parents  anymore , we haven't spoken since july 24, 2011. our hearts are  breaking. please let her learn on her own, we made the mistake of trying  to tell her we're still her parents , you don't give us orders, you talk to us, she sees us as somebody beneath her . we know they left there last  duty station but we have no idea where there are now. keep the bonds tight between you, maybe once shes in boot camp she will realize just how much she really does  love and miss you and the new boyfriend, she'll probley kick him to the curb, in lue for her family. shes just feeling her wings, let her feel the a little, but  but keep an eye on her till shes gone to boot camp. this is way to soon.she needs a mommy daughter talk, don't be afraid to tell her how you feel.you only get one chance at life. you go girl.good luck,i'll pray for you, bev

[Sunshine Ship 03 Div 056]

I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't heard from your daughter since July.  My heart goes out to you and I will definately pray about it.  I'm really hoping that she will do alot of growing up in BC.  She's a smart girl, but just blinded by teenage love, as we all have been at one time or another.  I just have to believe that she'll make the right decision for herself.  I just want her to have a change to live a little & to date a few people before settling down with the person she'll spend the rest of her life with.  She was looking forward to traveling the globe & even chose a job that would allow her to do that.  Now all she wants to do is find a job that will allow her to be more stationery so her boyfriend can move close to her.

[chinadoll19]

Teenagers now days are so different, they think they know everything. They have no idea what will be the outcome if they marry too young. Hope your daughter will make the right decision for herself. Be positive that she will not make a mistake. Talk to her she need a Mom and daugther talk. One of my daugther is sort of like that she thinks now shse can do what she wants and not thinking ahead of time. I keep telling her time management is very important. Also don't forget we are your parents not your friend. All we can do is be positive and prayers helps a lot too.

 

[Sunshine Ship 03 Div 056]

Thanks, Chinadoll.  I know she's not thinking this all the way through.  I told her to just remain friends for now or just date for a while.  Marriage should be the furthest thing from your mind.  She just gets upset & shuts down.  I will just continue to pray that she'll make the right decision.  She has more important things to worry about right now, seeing as how she just shipped out today.

[wvnavymom]

My SR graduates this Friday.  Boot camp has made a big difference in my daughter, and that's from reading her letters and talking the very few times on the phone.  I expect a new young lady on Friday.  She's the same age as your daughter.  She moved out last February while she was still a senior in high school because we had too many rules as our house, and she wanted to experience life before she left for the Navy.  Now, everytime she talks to me or writes, she tells me she loves us, misses us and can't wait to come home to visit.

 

I think bc will definitely open her eyes.  Besides, the bf may not wait for her and find someone else.  Not that I wish any bad luck on your SR, but as you said, they've only known each other for 2 months.  It may open HIS eyes as well.

 

Best of luck,

Kim

[Sunshine Ship 03 Div 056]

Your daughter sounds alot like mine.  I hope you're right about the boyfriend.  If he really cared about her, he would see that discussing marriage with an 18 year old is stupid and not what she needs.  I would have more respect for him if he would just remain a patient & understanding boyfriend for now.  If they still feel the same way at the end of her term, then maybe they have a future together.  Still.........I'm still hoping he'll just move on & find someone else. 

[Cheryl56(Ship11 DIV352)]

Sunshine...you will have to let her do her own thing and hopefully realise this is not what she wants.Have been through something very similar with my daughter, except shes been with the boyfriend longer.We Did manage to talk her out of getting married after A-school and now she has just reported to her ship in Norfolk.We are hoping as time goes by she will realise there is more to experience as she is still young.Your daughter will grow up in bootcamp,but for some reason they feel the need to rush things forward in relationships!!! Just be there for her because bootcamp is hard on them,write her all the time telling her how proud you are of her decision to join the Navy and just be prepared to "share"her with the boyfriend,which I know is very hard.If you can get her to wait until at least her duty station to make any decisions then I think you have a good chance of her seeing the light in her relationship.Hope this helps,you are not alone,message me if you like :)

 

[Tobianne]

Oh our times with our daughters....

Thank God mine decided to go in "Unattached". She said many grow up in BC and see that the chance of a lifetime is waiting for them.

 

Be patient and dnt say to much as she may decide just to spite you and keep things going with the boyfriend. She will also see many males that have much more to offer than he does as she moves through her Navy career.

Good Luck.

[Army/Navymama]

My daughter also was on the delay entry right after graduation. My daughter met a guy who she thought was Mr. Right. Come to find out he was married and had a kid,supposedly getting divorced?  And lost his job basically a LOSER. But she didn't see through him. We fought for almost about 3 weeks b4 she left to b.c.  I just literally stop fighting with her and started to PRAY for God to Shut doors with this loser and for God to Open her eyes!!! Within days he disappeared stop talking to her for a whole weekend. I could go on and on lets just say. He basically proofed me right and God opened my daughters eyes. When he finally decided to chat with her on F.B. a week b4 she was leaving to b.c. His excuse was I just needed time! She was so over him and said I need a man who knows what they want especially in tough times. And while I'm in boot camp I don't need this stress. I got on his F.B. the other day. And ya he's doing the same thing to other girls once a loser always a loser. But overall the bigger picture if you have a relationship with God go to Him. He gave me the desires of my heart,my Daughter to have a relationship with God our relationship  completely restored plus she's pursuing her dreams. Her PIR  02/03/12

[Angie-T]

My daughter left 1/18/12 - She has a boyfriend and asked what I thought about them getting engaged before she left - I told her I didn't think it was a good idea, and I thought she needed to wait a couple of years (she is 19 and was living with him before she left).   They didn't get engaged!!!  Everyone I have talked to that went into the military with boyfriends and fiances' tell me the military changed them and they didn't want to marry the person they were with.   I pray that she changes her mind about her boyfriend as well.   

[Tobianne]

I think your daughter made a good choice. My daughter went in with no boyfriend, no one to worry about. She basically didn't start any relationships before, she just dated a few guys. Now she says she is happy she did not. Many girls can't keep concentrated as they worry about the BF.

She also said she has found that now what she had been "looking" for is not at all what she would even "settle" for today. She has a higher regard for her male counter part and seeing men her age and a bit older work towards something they believe in, is what she wants.

She is 19 also and trust me, she has dated a few since joining and even they ones she has she said are far better than what she dated "back" home. She loves her Ohio guy friends, but said the fact that you meet guys from all over gives you a chance to see what is really out there. Kind of like "lots more fish in the "Sea". lol