Helping Kids of Divorced Sailors

[Ruth, Gun's Mom]

I was trying to think of things that would help little ones of divorced sailors. Here are a few ideas we've used--my son's older daughter was 2 when he left for boot camp. She was 3 1/2 when his wife left him. They also had a 6 mo. old at the time. The older one was very bonded with her daddy, but we were concerned about the little one. It was a fight, but we got visitation twice a month. Illinois does not have grandparent rights, but the judge agreed that it was the only way our son would have contact with his girls because the ex-wife and our son had trouble communicating at all.

It's been over three years now, and things are somewhat better; however, the girls still have contact with daddy when we have them. We consulted a counselor who told us that little ones are very visual, so suggested we have lots of pictures around of daddy. Just recently, the girls went through the house and collected all the pictures for their room here! In fact, their room is decorated with red, white, and blue with lots of their daddy's things. He gave them sheets he slept on while he was deployed that they wrap up in. I made "daddy dolls" by printing his picture on material and making a pillow. We talk a lot about their daddy--what he likes, what he did when he was little--lots of stories.

They make things for him, send him cards, emails (even if it's computer gibberish or just xoxoxox). They helped pack boxes for the troops with special ones for their daddy.

He calls, even from overseas, several times a day when we have the girls. When we can, we use Skpe so they can see each other, too.

It's been a lot of work on our part, but worth it. When he was coming home on leave the last time, I was a bit concerned because the little one, now 3 1/2, really doesn't know her daddy. She stood back for about a half a minute and watched her older sister, then realized she knew him, knew his voice. That was all it took. She adores him as much as her sister now.

Soon he'll be just three hours away, so he'll have lots more contact.

The picture is of three daddy dolls I made, one of my son and two of my cousin, dad of two, who was also deployed last year.

[Kristi McFadden]

Ruth,
This is great! Thanks for sending it to me. My daughter is going through a very rough time. In the beginning, her husband was supportive of her, and agreed to follow her with the kids, but now, he has a new girlfriend, and just this week, they are in the beginning process of a very painful divorce. With her leaving in less than a month, He frequently takes them and doesn't return them. She doesnt know where they are..etc. It is ugly. She is filing no fault with forms from the internet, no attorney. She wont listen to advice, she just wants it over fast, but I know she is going to cook herself. We don't like what he is doing, but we are trying to be positive and helpful to him so we can keep the lines open with the grandkids for ourselves, as well as for our daughter when she is gone. So far he has been working with us fairly well.

Your suggestions are great. Our granddaughter is 2, and our grandson is 6 mos. old. She is already suffering with the tension between mom & dad, but I can't imagine the pain she will feel when her mother is gone. I know she will feel abandoned. I know God loves them even more than I do, I just keep praying for them, and keep trying to use my time with them wisely.
Thanks for the advice,
Kristi