How can I help him?

[Cody'smom]

When I think of what he has accomplished in his short 22 years. Graduated in the top 1% of his A school; MM2 on the first Virginia class fast attack sub in the Pacific and youngest shift supervisor.  Did I tell you he was a Nuke.  Just a little proud, maybe.  The issue is that when I talk to him, he sounds so sad.  You would think that being stationed in Hawaii (his choice) would be a dream for a single young man.  That doesn't seem to be the case.  Is it the sub life?  He tells me no, he perfers the cleanliness of his engine room.  He likes the teamwork of the sub.  He just sounds so tired.  He askes me questions like "Am I missing out on life?"  I try so hard to tell him that he is securing his future but I don't know if I'm getting through.  I think it's the isolation of the sub.  He is getting close to finishing his sea duty and getting ready for shore duty.  I just need to help him through this last hitch.

How do you extend the frays of a tattered rope and tell them to hold on?

[Rebecca K. (SHIP13DIV247)]

Dear Cody's Mom;

I can relate to what you are going through. My son Charley is a Submariner also. He has accomplished alot in his time in the Navy fpr a youngman of 21yrs. A lot of the times when Charley has spoken to me he has sounded sad,stress out, or sleep deprived. I know the jobs that our boys do is stressful and demanding. I can see how it would effect them. 

In concerns with telling them to keep holding on to the end of that tattered rope; there is only a few things that we can do. We can keep offering them support and love. Plus, say a little prayer for them also.  I hope that our boys will be able to confide in their friend and shipmates, so that they have their help and support too.  I know how frustrating it is to be so far away and to be limited in ways to help our children. I hope I've help a little. I know I've found help and support in the past through the moms and families that are on N4Ms. Take care and God Bless 

[candyr]

Hello everyone.  Its been awhile since I've been on the site do to school and work.  I need some advice, please.  My son called me @ 0400 PST, and told me that he wants to get out of the Navy because he can't take the strenous pace of sub life.  His sub is in drydock in Virginia and he says he still hasn't qualified for his dolphins. I am so worried because he has talked to someone who went to doctors and they discharged this particular sailor and he claims that he was surfaced.  I've told him to be strong to hold on, find someone to talk to until someone starts to listen.  He says its over.  What should I say that I haven't already said? I've heard that a discharge follows you where ever you go and its not a good thing.  Am I missing something? 

[Popeye's Mom Alum DIV 031 1-6-12]

candyr-I'm very sorry to hear about your son. When did he graduate boot camp? My son PIR'ed last January & has gone thru some really rough times. I understand about the dolphins. Our sailor had gotten behind on his quals for awhile & his chief asked him why he didn't know about it. He also told him to accept the help of his fellow sailors cause ours is PROUD & doesn't want to take "charity" as he calls it. Now they are gearing up for an underway & he is so busy he can't see straight & for him that is very good. The depressive times seem to happen more when he's bored. I'm sorry I forgot what you said about him talking to someone-our son talked with his ship's "doc" & that seemed to help. Good luck to your sailor & you. Maybe things will turn around & work out for him. I'll keep you in my prayers!

[Cody'smom]

Hi Candy,  I completely understand what you are going through.  I will have to agree with Popeye's Mom with regards to having your son speak with the boat's "Doc" who is usually a corpman.  The Doc helped him when he needed someone to talk to and to talk things through.  I know we think we can help them but what they need is someone who understands what they are going through.  Once he got his dolphins everything lightened up.  It's frustrating to try to convince them to hold on when there is someone else trying to talk them into a different route. I have been thinking of you and your sailor since I read your post and this is the best advise I can give you.  I hope this helps.  Please let me know.