Roll Call: Name your sailor's sub!

[Kaye S.]

Submarine moms are special:

 --- All of us have boys, "SAILORS!"

 --- Who serve on "boats,"

 --- With whereabouts unknown, and

 --- We only get sporadic, short emails while they're out!

 

Tell us where your sailor serves...

[Dusty's Mom]

My son Dusty is on the USS Florida Gold Crew....Can't wait to hear from him!!

[Proud mom of drew]

Hello! I have a son named Drew also, he is on the USS CHEYENNE. Anyone else have a son on this sub?

 

[navygirlfriendmom]

My daughter's boyfriend is on it.  She is missing him like crazy. 

[ptay1211]

Hello my son, Matthew is on the USS Cheyenne as well.  It has been a little over a month since we have heard from him.  He told us it might be a while before we heard from him again.  But he also said he is fine and everything is good.  I hope you have heard from Drew as well.  It is Matthew's first deployment, what about Drew???

[navygirlfriendmom]

This is his first deployment.  It has been almost 6 weeks since she has heard from him.  Before he left he told her there would be at least a 60 day period where she wouldn't hear anything from him.

 

[ptay1211]

Hello, my son Matthew is on the USS Cheyenne as well.  He is on his first deployment.  It has been a while since we have heard from him.  But he said it was going to be a while before we heard from him.  But he said he is fine.  Is this your son's first deployment?

[navygirlfriendmom]

Yes, this is his first deployment.  It is the not knowing that is the hardest.  We just keep saying "no news is good news!"

[navygirlfriendmom]

She got an email today!  We have a very happy person at our house!

[Toni -Mark's Mom -- Mighty Monty]

My son, Mark, is a sonar tech on USS Montpelier, stationed in Norfolk, VA

. He joined the boat in April 2011. We live in NC, so at least we are fairly close to his home base.

 

[ladyayp]

My son has been in the nuke field for 13 years. He was attached to the Ussenterprise. He is still in the nuclear field, but is now attached to a submarine.

[ladyayp]

Toni, myson is also on the monty. I live in georgia. Not so close.

[Kaye S.]

The bad news is, Marianne, this is one of those times we moms have to sit on our hands and bite our tongues until they bleed.  Your sailor has to be the one to ask those questions.  I agree, that from your description the rationale for keeping him on active duty is hard to deduce.

However, PARENTS can't get involved, other than to perhaps guide him on how to "work the system."  As much as we love the Navy, remember the American military is the largest bureacracy in the world!  We older folks have learned through years of tough experience how to deal with bureaus, but our kids have not. They are used to dealing mostly with schools, where eventually the mess straightens itself out because the system is designed to get them graduated and Mom will always step in and solve the problems. They don't know how to advocate for themselves.
First:

Is your SAILOR  wanting the leave?  Perhaps (and I say "perhaps") he's telling the command he's better than he really is (to preserve their perception of him).  If HE wants the leave, HE must work the chain of command.  That means HE must go to his Chief first to ask "What's up with this?"  If he doesn't get a satisfactory answer, he can start to work his way up the ladder (COB, CO, etc.)  If he's not wanting leave, your issue is with him, not the Navy.

Second:
Teach him to attack an "elephant" on all four legs, tail, and trunk. That means to pursue his issue through several possible sources at once (e.g. consult the doctor and consult his career detailer... saying, "I  don't understand this situation, can you give me some insight?")  He might not get the problem solved, but he'll get advice on what to do which may be different than what his shipmates are telling him.

Third:
The details matter and should be kept track of. KEEP A LOG: EVERY TIME HE SPEAKS TO SOMEONE, NOTE THE DATE, TIME, AND IDENTITY OF WHO!  When told he'll be called back or to come back later, he should always ask, "When should I expect that call?" / "So, if I don't hear from you by Friday, then I should call on Monday?" / "When you say 'later,' that would be exactly when?"  Also keep a note of what he was told... this proves invaluable and paints your soldier as someone to deal with (because he's not saying, "Someone over at some office told me blah, blah...")
Fourth:
Remember, no one wants to solve special circumstance problems, so will try to wriggle out and send the problem somewhere else. There's an old saying in management, "No one wants to take the monkey off your back." So, your sailor must pin people down and make them take the monkey. Hold them accountable for words/actions. Helpful questions would be, "Then who has this authority in his absence?" /  "If you cannot help with this problem, I may need to escalate my search. What is your commanding office?" /  "What help could your commanding office be?"  Be as persistent as possible, without being rude or insubordinate.  And when facing someone who says he/she can't help, always ask the question, "Then what do you suggest?" 

Fifth (and most importantly):

He may ultimately get an answer that you don't like.  When HE no longer wants to pursue the issue, you may have to let it alone.  Any legal-type action should be pursued as a last resort and with much professional advice.  The old saying is, "Choose with care the hill you're willing to die on."

This advice is helpful when dealing with ANY large organization. I worked 12 years in a customer service group, and have taught others how to deal with them too.  And, I hope it doesn't sound preachy or high-handed... I sympathize with your anger, especially as it deals with your son's health and safety.  Good luck, k.