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Comment by ELO.Navy.Mom on October 28, 2015 at 12:07pm

I am also divorced from my son's dad, and he wived with his dad until he joined the Navy. I have asked him (several times) to put me on the ombudsman's list, but today he called and said he has thought about it and decided to hold off (at least on putting ME on it). Dang, those kids know how to stab you in the heart.

Comment by LindaGirl on October 27, 2015 at 3:49pm

Thank you Angie, have a great day as well!

Comment by William in Nashua on October 27, 2015 at 3:00pm

If it is really an emergency you can always contact the American Red Cross.  My son never uses the ombudsman for anything he says it is there for wives only not parents.  That has never been a problem for me I have no need to know when his boat is coming or going and would not benefit me if I did.  When he is home he answers his phone and when not answering for a long time well then I assume the boat is underway and start sending email instead.   When he gets back from an underway he calls me usually from the pier and that is good enough for us.  You can send the boat email when they are underway too.

Comment by angier on October 27, 2015 at 12:57pm

LindaGirl,

Thank you so much :)  I hope it works out too! I will keep you posted.  Have a great day!!

Comment by LindaGirl on October 27, 2015 at 12:34pm

Good luck with that Angie, I hope it all works out.

Comment by LindaGirl on October 27, 2015 at 12:27pm

Thanks bcgoldy03 for that info and clearing that up for me & many other moms out there that I'm sure didn't realize the strict rules that an ombudsman has to follow. It does make sense though.  My sailor son, put both me & his dad on right away, so we didn't have to deal with that & I guess I was misinformed.

Comment by angier on October 27, 2015 at 12:25pm

Hi LindaGirl, bcgoldy03, Co-TwinSalorsMom, & J's/S'smom,

I want to say Thank You So Much for your comments and all the information that you gave me. I appreciate it so much :)      My son Scott and I get along very well that is not the issue. My ex and I get along fine. He likes to be in control. I have sent any e-mail to the commander on the submarine. Now I wait to get a response. Again thank you so much for the information and support it means alot to have other Moms to talk to.  I hope you all have a fantastic day!!

Angie  :)

Comment by bcgoldy03 on October 27, 2015 at 12:13pm

LindaGirl, 

Even in the worst case emergency the ombudsman will not contact any person who is not put in the paperwork by the sailor themselves. So if an emergency happens it would be whoever is listed on the sailor's official contact info who would be in contact with ombudsman. They will not be allowed per rules to talk to the mom if she isnt listed on there no matter what the emergency is. 

In my son's case, he actually lives (up until the Navy) with me and there was no estrangement, just youthful reluctance to deal with anything red tape, paperwork, bureaucracy, unless pushed. Disorganized as far as time management and once work day was over or he was on a break did not want to spend it going to the office to fill out paperwork. 

My sailor also had a sort of sweet idea that if something bad happened he didnt want me to be the first one to hear that, felt his dad would be stronger of us. Sweet but not exactly true as we all know most times Moms are the tougher one. Anyway good luck but push your sailor to do the paperwork now since when they get ready to deploy they are crazy busy. 

Comment by LindaGirl on October 27, 2015 at 11:50am

Sorry about the miss information, but at least she has a way to contact the ombudsman, God forbid an emergency happens that requires her son's attention through the ombudsman.

Comment by bcgoldy03 on October 27, 2015 at 11:42am

Hi LindaGirl and Angie

I had the exact same issue with my son about his dad and I being divorced, not ending up on the contact list. I have some additional information for you that is very important and will be helpful.  That is, you yourself can not get on the list of authorized family contacts without your son, and only your son, contacting the ombudsman or changing his paperwork that was filled out in boot camp. I found this out the hard way after my son was already on a surge (short notice and gone) deployment as his first underway. In fact the ombudsman told me that she could not even really talk to me or give me any information at all without my son's permission in the file. So before your son is deployed underway out at sea make sure you get him to add you to that list! I was lucky that my ex-husband and I are pretty amicable so he shared info with me and even forwarded messages back and forth. Once your son gets that paperwork added then you can contact the ombudsman and she will be able to answer your email and give you information. She told me this is a very common problem and that the young sailors often delay getting this paperwork taken care of which drives poor moms crazy. Good luck hope this helps too.  

From a mom who has been there!! 

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