Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

Hello, my fiance leaves in 23 days for bootcamp. He is going in as a Mineman and will be in A school in San Diego. We were planning on getting married in September 2013. My concern is that he will get his orders obviously before we are married. If he were to be sent to Japan, once married could I move myself there? I know they will not pay to move me. But since we would be married could I be moved onto base if I paid to fly myself there and move my things? I am just confused on how it works and I feel like no one can give me a straight answer, especially his recruiters. So stressful!

Japan?  Well, I do not have good news for you, so hold on.  I know this one and it isn't pretty.  The Navy does have minesweepers elsewhere, but yes, they have several homeported out of Japan.  Then the ships go spend long months at a time in the Persian Gulf, forward deployed.

E-3 and below cannot take a dependent to Japan, the sailor must be E-4 and above.  The dependent must be command sponsored in order to get the SOFA visa, base housing, etc.  That means you must be on the orders, or have him apply for you to come over and get commad sponsorship approved.  This can take months, if it gets approved at all (and won't if he is not an E-4).  You can fly to Japan as a tourist, 90 days maximum, but you cannot move yourself there.  They are a foreign country with immigration laws which apply to everyone, even dependents.  You need the special military visa to live there as a Navy dependent, to have access to base housing.

To be clear: you cannot just move to Japan.  And if the Navy does not sponsor you, don't even begin to think you can afford it, you won't be allowed to work on base with command sponsorship.

You may want to rethink that wedding date.  

Yeah, this is just getting difficult. I know a lot are sent on 3 year tours to Japan and I don't know exactly how I would deal with that. If he does, once he is an e-4 would he be able to move dependents?

Also, Anti M, I have another question. My fiances recruiters are completely unaware of MN, they were convinced his A School was still in Texas. Do you know how long Electronic school is in GL then how long A school is in San Diego? He's curious as well since he is completely in the dark on the whole MN thing. 

ATT in Great Lakes is a couple months, roughly, because they experience a bit of hold time.  MN is in San Diego, I'd have to check the MN moms group to find out the true length.   Ask there, and if you can't get a good answer, we can google it in depth.

Getting a dependent to Japan once he makes E-4 will depend on how much time is left on that tour, and if he can extend.  They won't send you if he doesn't have a lot of time left.  While the Navy tries not to send married junior sailors to Japan, if they are the only ones to fill the billet (do the job), then that is where they go.  

How would you deal with it?  The same as any other spouse on Geographical bachelorhood... one day at a time, and as best you can.  It is possible to cope, although thinking about it as a maybe is terrifying.  Just prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  All a person can do, after all.  

Yeah, I guess my fear is that he'll get sent to Japan BEFORE we are married.

Thank you though, you have been very helpful.

Sorry it wasn't better news, but if you have the correct information, you can be more flexible in planning your future.  

Well I am sure I will be back here in a couple weeks, Adam is leaving for bootcamp August 29th. We live about 30 mins from Great Lakes so it'll be nice and easy to get to graduation and also while he is in ATT hopefully after he phases up I can visit on weekends. I'm so nervous!

You should have him look up Craig's depper website (I don't know the link, sorry).  He can ask questions about prepping for boot camp, what to expect on his end.  Craig is retired Navy, and has a lot of tips and tricks for the new recruits.

Anti M, Are there usually always holds after bootcamp to get into ATT? He was under the impression that after bootcamp he would remain in great lakes for 2 weeks for the ATT school and then leave for San Diego. But like I said earlier, his recruiter is a bit oblivious to everything right now. He NEVER has the right information and I don't really understand that.

There are often holds.  A few days, if not a week, of indoc for sure.  I'd count on three weeks minimum at Great Lakes.  It is hurry up and wait, trying to figure out precise dates will only make you both crazy.   

What rate is the recruiter?  If his A school was somewhere else, he wouldn't know a lot of things.  Policies change too, and recruiters don't always get that info quickly.  They know about recruiting and what they have experienced, it is hard to keep up on changes at school commands.   Not what they are focused on.  Here on N4M you have family members with sailors going through right now, so you can get more up to date details than the recruiter!

What's funny though, I was at Great Lakes almost 30 years ago and some things are still exactly the same.  Even the barracks I lived in is still in use (next to the chow hall, same one).  

Hmm. Okay. Yeah it seems like the MN Moms group doesn't get updated too often and there isn't much information online. His recruiter even said he's never even met a mineman. I know there aren't very many, but unfortunately I have learned most are going to Japan. I am starting to see it might be easier to get married sooner rather than later and have a formal wedding once he has receieved enough time for leave. This all sounded so easy until now. Kinda sucks to find all this out 3 weeks before he is leaving. I just can't seem to get over my Japan fear and from the looks of this site and other sites that that is where he will probably be headed. Trying to wrap my head around it. I feel like I sound like a broken record, it's just hard to imagine when you are used to seeing the person everyday.

Stephanie - My husband's recruiter basically told him he better get married before he goes to bootcamp and "BTW, we need the certificate at least 30 days before you ship".  Part of that had to do with us having a baby together, but he said it would make everything way, way easier and save you tons of headache and paperwork once he's in.  We did a courthouse wedding 9 weeks before he shipped.  We might get around to an actual wedding, but it really isn't a big deal for us, either way.  He got his wedding dream - to wear a Hawaiian shirt, lol.  You two might want to talk to his recruiter and see if it's too late to get married, seeing as you plan on doing it anyway, make your life easier from the beginning.

Yeah I mean I am toying with the idea, and getting to be okay with possibly getting married by JOP and having a wedding later but he is completely against it. He thinks its "weird" I keep telling him it's going to be more weird when we are engaged for four years and he is in another country! I'm hoping maybe he can change his mind. But I don't think we have time to get married before he leaves since it's less than 3 weeks away now.

Just wait until he's in boot camp.... he'll probably miss you soooo much he'll want to run to a JOP.  Just don't tell him that.

anyone near va beach?

Haha Anti M! My mom and I were discussing that! I would never force him into something he didn't want to do. if it means a lot to him to wait until the real wedding then I need to respect that. We shall see. Now I just need to relax about the whole thing and just enjoy my last few weeks with him before he leaves. 

Hi everyone. My husband and I just got to our first duty station in Pensacola, FL. Truthfully I am feeling a little lost... Ok a lot! I am so scared about not being able to make friends here and being alone all the time while he is working at the naval hospital (corpsman). I don't work and we are expecting our first child in December so I doubt anyone will be willing to hire someone who is preggers. Anyone have any advice on how to handle all this? I don't want to sound like I am whining but this is all so overwhelming.

Start with a visit to the Fleet and Family Services and get into their New Parent program.  Just being around supportive people will help you meet others and feel more confident about your new surroundings.   They will also know what resources are available locally to help you get to know your new duty station.  

http://www.cnic.navy.mil/pensacola/FleetAndFamilyReadiness/SupportS...

Check out MWR too.

http://www.naspensacola-mwr.com/

Does the hospital have a Family Readiness Group?

Just wanted to share - my husband and I got our daughter off to college - drove 3 days to OK, spent several days there, then drove back here, where we are now officially empty nesters :-)  I just wanted to give some encouragement to all the ladies on here who are newly married, have young kids, and or are just starting out with their Sailor in the Navy.

As crazy and stressful as it can seem sometimes, and as long and hard as those deployments can be, overall, the time does go fast, and it can be a great life, so just hang in there :-)

Thank you sailorwifenmom, I really hope time goes by fast overall! I get to see my boyfriend in 17 days, I am so excited! Looking back, time has gone by fast, and its only the beginning! It is good to hear positive stories from spouses who have made it through the Navy with their husband/boyfriend. Thanks for your post!

I hope your daughter enjoys OK!! I am heading back there soon for our leave! I cannot wait to see my family and enjoy some yummy mexican!! lol :)

Thanks!  JLH, glad to hear you'll get to see him soon - enjoy your time together :-)  I'm not going to lie and say that it's all been easy, but overall, it's been a good life so far.  Right now, we just got to what will likely be his last duty station, unless he gets promoted, then we'll see if he retires or stays in for a little longer.  But, we aren't counting those chickens, you know, ;-) 

Meagan - she is really loving it so far!  We were a bit nervous because there were several fires as we were driving down that were between us and her school, but they were out / under control before we got there, so that was a relief.  Still praying for all the people that were and are being affected by them though. 

We got to eat at Eskimo Joes - it was great :-)

sailorwifenmom, I am definitely looking forward to being able to see him, even if it is only for one day! I know it is going to be rough, I have my good and bad days but I will be busy with college and hope that it will keep my mind busy during the rougher parts. I'd love to go with him wherever that may be, but we both agree that my schooling is important and would be better to get out of the way now! Good luck to you and the rest of your journey!!

sailorwifenmom thats great! I soo miss that state! They do sometimes have issues with wildfires. Mostly because their summers are droughts typically. Super super hot and dry heat. Does she know how to deal with tornados? Those will be pretty big there typically too. I know yall have been all over but if she needs any tips with that or do's and dont's I can help out! When I moved to VA and we had one I remembered that not everyone is quite as prepared as us oklahomans when it comes to nadars. lol :) I had lots of wives calling me asking what they were supposed to do lol.

Thanks :-)  She's pretty good with disasters, unfortunately everywhere we've been, there's been something major happen, so now one of the things she does is before we go somewhere she learns about what sorts of things like that happen and what she needs to do in case lol!  Plus, we lived in FL for awhile and I grew up in Ohio, where they get a lot of tornadoes, too, so we don't play with those!  Honestly, they scare me more than a lot of disasters do, because they're so sudden.

good! I am glad she is aware! I get so anxious with some people and tornados. One wife was asking me the evacuation route! I had to yell at her to get her butt inside! Trying to leave during a tornado! lol Yeah they are pretty sudden. Typically you can tell when they are building in Oklahoma. And the paths are pretty predictable as well. Of course they still are tornados but they hit a lot of the same paths. In Oklahoma, tornado sirens mean go stand on your porch and watch. Then when you hear the silence before the storm you run inside lol! We even have the Gary England Drinking Game down there lol But I do still take them seriously. The news coverage is awesome like down to the minute for each intersection but most of the folks down there are really laid back about them. haha

LOL at the evacuation route!  I know it really isn't funny, but still... You should have told her that there IS an evacuation route - it's called go in your house, open your basement door, and go down the steps...

Seriously though, since we have been married in the past 20 yrs, we have been through record breaking heat waves and blizzards, white outs, hurricanes, floods,a volcano that spewed ash into the air, disrupting the delivery of supplies for weeks, spent 3 days on an ocean going ferry riding it out as we were basically stuck between two massive storm fronts (and they didn't want to try to dock with the storms so bad - it's actually more dangerous trying to dock like that), tornadoes, earthquakes (including the 9.0 that hit Japan - we lived less than 200 miles from Sendai), and a tsunami (that big floating dock that ended up in Oregon earlier this summer was from our town).  Add to that, my inlaws live in CA, where they get a lot of fires. 

We joke and kid around, and there has literally been a natural disaster of some sort hit at every place we've lived, but Mother Nature isn't anything to mess with! 

The ones that scare me the most though are the tornadoes, the big quakes (you get a bit shell shocked combined to used to them with the not so big ones, and "big" becomes relative...), and the tsunamis.  The rest, you usually have some warning...

I mean but we made it, and Mother Nature isn't anything to mess with.  Sorry - forgot the "we made it" part...

My boyfriend is just going to complete battle stations this week and he graduates on the 31st! Today is 6-3 training day

Disasters.... after Japan, any report of local 3 or 4 quakes just makes me laugh.  I should be respectful though, we live less than a mile from a major fault.  I don't even have a ready bag anymore.  I should.   I tend to miss the big disasters, they hit right after I leave an area.  Been through a few typhoons, and have slept in more than one airport.   But I'm about to go into the desert for ten days and early reports say the winds have been ripping apart the big camp structures and knocking over porta-potty banks.  Woohoo, Burning Man!  (oh just google it).  

Wildfires terrify me.  The Salt Lake valley is full of smoke from fires in other states.  We have our own too, but the winds have brought us smoke from all over and it pools over the Great Salt Lake.  I can't go out without taking my inhaler.

Battlestations... if you do know a date, don't post it.  They want them to start practicing OPSEC early on, and technically that's on a ship, even a fake one, so battlestations is technically ship's movement.  I'm being serious.   Use private messaging rather than public postings.

battlestations are done the weekend before graduation - couple divisions a night.

I've heard of Burning Man :-)  Sounds like a lot of fun!!  The winds sound pretty rough though, so stay safe out there in it!  We don't have a ready kit right now, because the non food items that go in it are all still in transit (sigh... yep, still waiting on our furniture...). 

Fires make me nervous, and I was a bit stressed when we were going to OK and there were so many there, but thankfully, other than my inlaws living in CA and monitoring the fires there every year, we haven't really had to deal with those (knock on wood...).  I can see how that would be pretty scary though! 

That's sort of what I mean about the quakes, too - after the big one we had, we spent about 6 weeks where we were averaging a quake every 3 minutes, and we were still rocking pretty regularly when we left.  You get used to them, but at the same time, when we had the big one and all that came after it, combined with all the rest of that, it's a bit terrifying. 

LOL though - we need to move near you, if they always seem to hit right after you leave!  We joke that we don't know if we're the most unlucky people alive, because they always happen while we're there, or the luckiest people alive, because we always come out of it ok... 

NEW MEMBER HELP DESK.

Q&A. Boot Camp Videos, Recruit TC Link, Sample Form Letter, Navy Acronyms & more.

Website: http://www.navyformoms.com/group/newmomsstophere

this group is good too check it out

oh saliorwifenmom I was freaking out telling her to get back in her house! She was so confused! And on top of that tornado coverage is horrible here in VA there was one like in April I think, and the news stations didnt even know about it until 30 minutes later. Luckily it hit downtown where no one lived so it just caused lots of damage but lots of people could have died. Then 30 minutes after that they were freaking out saying another one touched down then realized they were looking at the footage of the one from an hour before! It was ridiculous!

The fires make me nervous because they can grow so rapidly. :( so scary to see.

Yeah mother nature is not something to mess around with at all. She is nasty!

Ryan - 

I think you could benefit from this web site as a guy.  You will go through the same stuff as all of us (well, maybe not quite as emotionally ;))  and could learn a lot!  If nothing else, all the "technical" stuff is the same, so you at least have to read about!!

https://www.facebook.com/SailorsSweethearts 

My boyfriend is officially a U.S. Navy Sailor!!!! I am so proud of him and want to thank everyone for the support on this site!

I'll see ll you ladies later, I'm leaving for Burning Man!