Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

When my boyfriend was in basic it took almost a month for me to receive a personal letter. So just keep your held high you will get them soon! Especially now with the holidays coming up letters may take longer!

Keep writing to him, be really encouraging and supportive, and you'll get letters soon enough :) It will fly by, honestly. The days feel like they drag on then you'll look back and it's over. So just stay positive and don't dwell on anything and most importantly be there for your man ;)

Can anyone tell me what the "POM" stands for when they talk about "POM Leave" Like the leave they get before and after the deployments. I can't figure it out for the life of me.

ahh!!! learn something new every day!!! I had no clue what it meant!! just that we got it before and after deployment!! :)

Thanks, sailorwifenmom. I knew how it worked with the two week period since Aaron has managed to get it twice his year on the ship.But he emailed me to let me know reactor couldn't support a POM period, so no leave for them when they get home as of now. I'm assuming they'll get a few days here or there as requested and the new dads will probably get their paternity leave if they can support that many being gone, but other than that it's not looking promising. Sad day. Poor guys. :(   When I told some others what I'd found out someone asked what it stood for. Makes sense, just couldn't find it anywhere on google. :)

Thanks again!

I think I know more about the Navy now then I did when I was in, too!

hahaha. If my husband knew half as much as I do about the Navy maybe something would actually get done! ;) lol!! jk Emily I am sorry they dont get leave. :( They pretty much told our nukes that if they werent letting them have leave for moving their families they probably wouldnt get it, the nukes are working a lot with them having to pull out the reactors. Our ship went through a change of homeport so they let guys off to move their families from WA to VA but I know a few new dads that are nukes that arent getting their paternity leave. :( On the other hand I know a guy that got to come home about 5 weeks early from deployment for his wedding and then didnt have to go back to the ship until the ship got back. He wasnt a nuke but I know a nuke that somehow ended up getting 29 days of leave when they got back from deployment for his wedding and honey moon. I dont get how they make decisions sometimes lol

Yeah, decisions about leave are pretty incomprehensible from outside the chain of command.  We don't know who's rotating in or out, or what the "operational tempo" might be, or even the budget for sending sailors to extra training.

 Working in a classified filed such as nuke, they must work in pairs, and you need a "set" of nukes, MM, EM and ET.  So it does get pretty complicated when it comes to nukes or others with critical or high security jobs to do.   

On Thanksgiving I met up with a a lady who's husband was in my boyfriend's brother division. She signed out her husband and my boyfriend as her guest. Not saying this would work for everyone but it was pretty much the most perfect day ever.

Oh and how it went was: we showed up about 10 minutes before our pick up time, got in line outside, as the line moved we got up to the door and a sign said only one family member per recruit per blue slip instead of two like the form said so I waited on the inside of the double doors and my friend went inside. So I'm not exactly sure what they did but I assume they just checked her ID and matched it to the form, then they got the SRs together and sent them out about 5 at a time and then you meet up with them outside. 

Hey everyone! My husband Graduates BC 1/11/13... I have not received the info for my medical and dental but some of the other wives who's husbands are graduating the same day have. I called DEERS and they said that I have been registered and I am covered. But my Husband wrote in my maiden name in DEERS instead of my new last name.. his last name..( we got married two weeks before he left for bc). My name has been legally changed. So my first question is Do i have to wait for the packet of information to go and get my ID? And my second question is will it matter that the last name he wrote in his not my last nam anymore? will the ID place still give me my military ID? 

Jessica, I'd call the DEERS enrollment office if I were you and just explain what happened. If you're already in the system, then you might just be able to change it yourself. I just got my ID yesterday- I was already in the system too so my signed form from my husband wasn't needed. I just needed to have 2 forms of ID. If you already have your new drivers license and ssc with your new name plus your marriage license, you should be fine. 

STA-21

NicksWifey- Check out that link about. Should give you an idea of how the process works. 

Basically, they put a package in which includes recommendations and ACT scores. I believe they announce once a year (don't quote me on that) who gets selected, and that's in the fall around August or September. They have to start the first semester they're out of training, so some will apply to schools before they're accepted. It just has to be a school that has a Navy ROTC program and their major obviously. I thought they headed up north to Rhode Island or somewhere up there for the training though. (Once again, could be wrong, don't quote me). 

Yes, he'd have to extend his contract. He'd go to school for as long as he took to finish his degree (including summer semesters) and he'd get paid while doing it along with BAH. After he's finished, he'd go back through any necessary schooling (for Nukes they have to go back through Power School and Prototype) before heading out to the fleet. 

I don't have personal experience, just tidbits I picked up when Aaron was considering putting a package in.

Hello to All!

This is my first time writing...Although I've been a "lurker" for quite some time...lol..Ive learned so much on here and sometimes knew more than my husband's recruiter-you guys are great!  =0)

My husband left Monday, December 3rd and Im having a pretty rough week and to be honest I didnt think I would since I "prepared" for his departure for such a long time...I was a mess on Tuesday! We've been together 10 years and he's my other half, we're super close so I feel so lonely..The only thing that keeps me strong is our little 4 yr old boy...just needed to vent a little since you ladies know what Im going through...Have a blessed day! 

Emily - Thank you for the info and website.  Nick already has a bachelor's degree, so he won't need to go to school?  Do they only look at ACT scores if you have to attend school?  His scores aren't very good, not terrible, but that's because he didn't plan on going to college.  He's almost 28 now, so that attitude is well behind him.  He got his degree at one of the best colleges for that degree, and he's got a bunch of work experience, including being a department head. 

Of course, my guy would be the one who goes the weird route.  : )

Jessica - I would seriously suggest waiting until you get your DD1172 form.  Even if you have an ID for 4 years and, say you lose it or it gets damaged or something, you can't get another one without your Sailor with you, a POA or form DD1172. 

You should be able to get an ID with your new last name if you take your marriage cert, new social security card and ID.  But definitely wait for the form because you have to be sponsored for an ID.  You may be able to change the name without the form, like through DEERS, though. 

@Nickswifey - it is a totally different process when he is going the OCS route. I found this site that will give you a great idea of how it will most likely go:

http://rcsouth.com/my_navy_tour.html

It's not a weird route, but a quick one. 12 weeks for OCS training and your man is an officer :) Hope that helped!

Jessica - I would just call. Since you're already in the system, you may not need to wait for the paper with his signature on it, and may be able to just go in and change it with proof of your old and last name (ie ssc, drivers license, marriage license). If they tell you they need the paper, then wait for it and then you can change your name when you go in. I know for a fact they can do the name change - I asked because my husbands name was incorrect on the paperwork. But call to find out if you need to bring the paperwork with the sponsor's signature (your husband) in or not. 

@Mysailorscoop - Hi! We definitely know what you're going through. My SR is my best friend and soon-to-be husband and I miss him terribly every day. Writing a lot helps and finding things he would like to read to send him like sports news and jokes. He tells me it helps him get through it and that keeps me motivated. He graduates 12/28 and I still have my ups and downs but I find ways to keep my head up like working out and my little 3 year old. He sees when I'm sad and tells me "it's ok mommy, he will be back" :) how do I not keep going after that. We are all here to support and if you need any ideas on how to pass time and things, just message me and we'll talk! You have a great day too!

@Rickysgirl23- Thanks for the support & ideas! Im sure he'll be missing his Sunday& Monday football...lol...I also plan to lose some weight before PIR (Im a stress eater!) so working out is on my list of distractions...Thank god for our little ones =0)

That's a great goal! I decided to change the way my family and I eat. It has taken up my time to research new recipes and different foods that are better for us. Kind of like the raw food diet, but not so extreme. Just all natural foods and not eating items with lots of preservatives. It's a challenge but I love it and feel so much better already. I snack a lot too, but now I snack on fruits and veggies! I lost weight, but that wasn't my focus. It just happened! :) Working out helps with stress too. You'll see. Looking forward to updates. And yes, thank God for our little ones. He is such a little angel.

The reason some of the bases require the sponsor to go in with the dependent is so they can sign the DD1172.  A POA may get around that, but some places are very strict.  Call the office and if they say yes, get the NAME of the person who said it was okay.

Jessica I agree call the office at the base you are going to. I have gone to three different id offices and have gotten different answers from all three. If he put your maiden name on it I would imagine if you took your Birth certificate, marriage license, new ID and possibly new social card that it should suffice so they know you are one and the same. :) Thats how I went about showing the DMV I had legally changed my name so I could get my married name on my DL so I bet that would work there too.

@Bridget It is going to be stressful at first. Keep your head up though. Write some letters, and keep your head up. He won't be allowed to write until his second Sunday I believe. He won't be able to call again until his third week. You probably already know this but, if he is on ship 5 he might be getting processed out. You may want to wait to send him a letter, because he might change ships or leave. SRs only stay in ship 5 if they are being processed out, they need medical attention, or if they are waiting for A school. I hope everything turns out okay for your SR. Best of luck!

Mimi I am very sorry to hear that happened to you... one thing I learned VERY quickly is if there is something you dont want your SR knowing or you dont want someone else telling him then dont tell anyone. Because even if its innocent like someone didnt mean to tell their sailor, there is a huge possibility it will get back to them. Even if a wife is your friend be very careful. Things get spread around quicker than wildfire. Also, anything posted on here has a possibility of getting back to your SR, not only by other spouses but RDCs and whatnot look at this page too and they have no issue talking to your SR about something. Again sorry to hear that happened hopefully it wasnt a huge issue, as horrible as this sounds I have heard about stuff like this happening a lot! And the sailors will gossip just as much as the wives. Be careful about who you choose as friends and even more careful about who you tell what.  When my husband was deployed this last time a wife told her husband that another guy's wife had cheated on him. So he told the guy and he decided to get even... well then it came out it was just a rumor about the wife cheating and the guy is now getting a divorce because he cheated on his wife.

Bridgett keep your chin up. Maybe call his parents and ask if they know what is going on. Let her know you are concerned about him. I would imagine your concern would show her that its something you should be clued in on. Especially if he is going to need support.

Is it ok to be mad or am I the one being selfish???? So I got through boot camp, I thought I was handling all of this ok because in the back of my mind we alway had "a plan". We would deal with the two months of bootcamp and maybe wait a month or two AT MOST while we did all the paper work and try to get us settled in Great Lakes as soon as possible for us to be together. But now I find out that NO that's NOT our plan, things have changed and apparently we won't get to be with each other till AFTER his A school (which is about 18 months or so) then he gets sent to deployment (another 6 months) and THEN we can be together once he gets stationed who knows where. We're supposed to be trying for our second child but instead I'm here making an appointment to get an IUD because I REFUSE to raise a second child ON MY OWN again. I don't know how to handle this, I know that he's doing this for a better future for us and I want to be proud of him BUT I can't help but feel sooooo mad at him. I'm angry, I'm mad at him for being away from us, I'm mad at him for putting us in this situation, I'm mad at him for not letting us be a NORMAL family and I'm even MORE upset that I can't even say any of this to him. I know that he's already going through so much but I can't help but feel this way, I'm supposed to feel happy about the future not thinking about it and feeling hopeless, like our happiness is so far away that I can't even see it. I have no idea what to do. 

Michelle I agree with sailorwifenmom... Are they telling you that you cant move?? Bc even if they are you can... he just may not be able to live with you or live with you right away.. but you can move. And also if he doesnt know his command then you cant really know when he will be deployed. I completely get being mad. For sure. But dont hold it in.. talk to him about it.. yeah A school is stressful but not like he cant get any stressful news during it.. this is adult life you have to deal with stressful stuff while going about work, school, etc. It will def be more stressful during deployment and if you get through one without having anything to tell him that would make it worse I am envious lol. He will be ok just let him know how you are feeling in a calm, and rational way.

Sailorwifenmom, that's why we planned on moving there right away because of the fact that his school is so long, but he just found out that his classes will be help during the night not day so if I moved he wouldn't be able to see me so he doesn't think its worth having me go down there and be away from everyone when he wont even be able to see us and be with us like we had thought. 

He doesn't know for sure that he'll be deployed right away, he is just going off what happened with his friend who recently finished his A school a few months ago. 

Thank you so much for the positive talk, it helps a lot to have a place where you can just vent and let it all out and hear others advice and perspective. 

His A school is for fire control, its supposed to be day classes but he said that there's talk about them changing it to nights. I'm not sure what goes on over there or how things work so I'm pretty much just going off of what he tells me. 

I am going to talk with him and see if he sees my point of view. I don't care if I only see him for an hr or two all I want is for our family to me close and by "our family" I mean me, him and our daughter. I'm obviously really close to my family here too but I don't really think he understand that I need him just as much and that I want our daughter, and myself, to be able to spend as much time with him as possible before he gets sent somewhere where we REALLY wont be able to see him. Hopefully he'll understand and will rethink having us move close to him. 

Oh even if he is working nights you can still see him some. My husband works nights right now, we still spend quite a bit of time together. We dont have any kids and I am going through a 6 month interview process so unless its an interview day for me I sleep the same schedule as he does so I can see him more. He is at his command but his schedule literally changes every other week! In fact he changed this past monday and then friday they changed it again lol! and with the Navy you have to take time when you can, if you say oh its not ideal you will be waiting forever with the Navy. I moved to WA alone to be with my husband for 6 months before his ship deployed and he was home for 3 months of it tops. and when he was home he was working 14 hour shifts. You take the time when you can. I know its weird coming from a normal schedule and mind frame, but in the Navy things are completely different.

My husband and his friend graduated the same week of a school and my husband deployed 6 months later, her husband is deploying for the first time early next year, almost 2 years after he graduated a school. but my hsuband shouldnt have to redeploy for the next two years (things change of course) and her husband will deploy early next year and then get home and redeploy shortly afterwards. Not the same ship but you get the idea.

I def say just sit down and talk to him. I know a lot of sailors get this idea of what will and will not happen from their recruiters and once they get to BC or A school they are shell shocked by how different things are. But dont worry he will learn to roll with the punches a little better and it will become easier for you to let him rant and rave, then smooth it over and calm him down so you can figure out the best course of action for your family :)

Hello Everyone ! My husband is in Ship 12 Div 47 I was wondering if there have been any calls recently?He is going to be IT and going to Pensacola FL for A school.I am new on here.The Navy and everything seems a bit overwhelming.I can currently visiting home at my parents (OUTSIDE USA) and I was forwarded mail about setting up my DEER/ID have to bring it into an office.Can I just bring that form in to the office out by Great Lakes when I go up a week earlier for PIR?

I would also like to make new friends here as my friends,family do not really understand this new way of life.

Michelle, you are correct about FC's turning over to night school. He's in the AECF program, same as my boyfriend. My boyfriend is currently an ET in night school, and after the holidays they are switching over to day school (so ET's and FC's are flipping schedules). If you want to talk, I'm here! My boyfriend has been at Great Lakes for 4 months now, he's done with ATT (took around 3 months) and has been in his actual A School for about a month. If you have any questions, let me know!! I can try and help!

kellynavywife- I have a boyfriend who is a nuke. I added you!

Hello, I just signed up for this site a few days ago. My boyfriend left for bc 11/19/12 and I'm just trying to understand the Navy a little better.

Anyone else love going to A school in Connecticut?

Hi ladies!  I am completely new to the Navy way of life.  I have NO experience with Navy so hearing him talk is like yiddish to me.  I ask a lot of question, google a lot and try to be patient in understanding how it all works.  We have dated for about a year and started living together about a month ago.  Watches/duty/etc is confusing let alone when he gets assigned to his submarine.  I have enjoyed reading the posts here!

Welcome! Take advantage of this site. There is so much on here you can learn from and lots of people that can answer your questions. It's an adventure right from the beginning!

For those ladies looking for Nuke information, please feel free to message me!

I started out as a girlfriend, got married after he finished school, and are now surviving our second deployment. 

I'm more than happy to answer any questions you may have. :)

my boyfriend left Dec. 3rd for basic. his mother and i just recieved him info ship 14 division 078. i should be able to find out more info with that right? how would i go about finding out all i possible can?

What are you trying to find out? I mean you can find out about what bootcamp is like and whatnot and the Navy in general. If you have the Form letter with the address, graduation date, and whatnot that is pretty much all you are getting officially from the Navy. If you dont have the Form letter yet it will have that information. What specific questions do you have?