Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

xoxo - I wrote this yesterday, but accidentally deleted it and didn't have time to rewrite.  I'm not sure if itwent through to emails or not, so forgive me if it's a duplicate for you.

Use the Navy's HEAT website.  It's the Housing Early Application Tool.  It will not get you on the waiting list sooner, but it will give you the info you need to have your application ready and reviewed for when it is time to get on the list, which is when your move is 30 days out.  If you have pets, it makes it a little more challenging, especially large dogs because there aren't very many properties that accept them.  However, if you have a small dog, cat or none, it will be much easier.  If you only have 1 child, you'll qualify for a 2 bedroom and that will be easier to accomodate also.  There are virtually always openings with Lincoln.  You can view their hotlist HERE.  Scroll down just a little to the section that says "Current Availability" and click the link.  I think it's updated every Monday.  The best thing you can do is go through HEAT, get your application down and turned in with all the copies of everything.  You can submit the application via email if they are in PDF form.  Navy  Housing office will call you and tell you if you need anything else.  Don't be afraid to be proactive, either, call them.  Multiple times, if you need to.  The process for mil housing goes like this:  Navy housing reviews your app, makes sure you qualify for military housing and all that.  They pass you off to the PPV (privatized housing office, in this case, Lincoln) and they set you with your unit.  There is hope that you'll get right in.  It is summer, which is a big time for moving, but San Diego is huge, there are lots of people moving out, and there are lots of properties.  

If you are interested in non-mil housing, you can use AHRN.com.  It is a website set up by Navy Housing to help mil families find housing that isn't mil-housing.  Many of the properties are inspected by Navy housing to make sure they are up to standards and they will help you make sure your lease is legit, you're not getting screwed over, etc.  BTW, before you sign a lease, the Housing office has to review it, so keep that in mind for your timeframes, too.  If you want to move in on a Saturday, likely you'll have to have your lease review done by Friday because they are closed.  

And for ANYONE looking in housing - Did you know that Navy Housing has a Pinterest page?  They link all the privatized properties they can find online, along with tons of information on housing and the process.  Definitely check it out!  I didn't know about it until I took an ombudsman webinar last week on housing.  Navy Housing on Pinterest

Feel free to message me if you want.  I was in San Diego and will be back before the end of the year, most likely.  My hubby is assigned to NAB Coronado.  

xoxo_Mariana - You are more than welcome!  We lived in Murphy Canyon.  We have 2 german shepherds, so we also had a worry about availability. We really liked it there.  The subdivision is arranged with a few through streets and most of the housing is in cul-de-sacs.  I like that because the kids could play in the middle of the circle which was grass and a few trees and all the parents could see.  They also rode their bikes around the circle on the street, but because there wasn't much traffic, it was pretty safe.  We had a 4 bedroom (two kids qualifies us for a 3, but there were no 3's available and no one was waiting for the 4).  So everyone around us had at least 3 kids.  My son LOVED it.  There are little playgrounds called "Tot lots" scattered through the property, and a pool and fitness center.  Also, the local school is mostly military families so they are really good with making new kids feel welcome and sending off kids who are PCSing.  CA schools were way ahead of where the schools back home were, so my son struggled for about a month to catch up, but he did and he did great after that.  I was also worried about him making friends, but with all the kids, it was no worries, he pretty much played outside from morning until dinner with a break for lunch on the no school days.  We had a townhouse, and between our building (our family and another) and the next building (also 2 families), there were 15 kids from 1 to 16 years old. 

Have you filled out the form that asks which places you would be  most interested in?  If you look Here and scroll down further than the current availability section, you see some links for estimated wait times.  This will show not only estimated wait times, but also which pets are allowed for which properties and which properties charge less than BAH.  If no amount is listed, it takes all of BAH.  I think when we go back, we are going to try to get into Vista Ridge.  The commute is comparable to what DH had in Murphy Canyon and it's less in BAH and it allows dogs. 

Also, I highly recommend that you call the lincoln offices regularly to check on your wait time.  My husband called and explained that we had not heard if we got a unit and we were PCSing with 2 kids and 2 dogs.  We didn't want to get out there and not have a way to house our dogs safely, we couldn't leave them in the car overnights until we had a house.  She put him on hold and within 10 minutes gave us an address.  We had to accept it over the phone without seeing it, but as long as we had a fenced in yard and at least 3 bedrooms, we didn't really care.  It turned out to be very nice, I really liked the layout. 

Good luck!  I hate moving!  But it's nice once you get settled in.  Let me know if I can help in any way. 

My husband is on his first underway, it's only a week..nothing compared to bootcamp and A school and nothing compared to what we're in store for. But I'm missing him a lot, I think it's bringing home the reality of coming deployment too. Just feeling a bit lonely.

Hang in there.  

Thanks Anti M :) I know the time will fly by once I get myself busy. 

Hi, I just have a few questions. I am new here. My fiance is currently in A school and is coming home on leave for two weeks. He is an E-3. We plan on getting a marriage license only but will plan a wedding ceremony once he comes back from deployment, which is nine months from now. By that time I will be graduating from college as well. Is there anything else that we need to do after we get the marriage license, like what other paperwork do we have to complete? I would like to get all the necessary paperwork out of the way before he comes back in nine months. Also, do you have any advice as to what  I should start doing while he is away aside from going to work, and going to college, so that I can be prepared? Also, when would I be able to move to where he is located at? I heard he has to be an E-4 before I can move with him. Lastly, I know this is a long message, I plan on joining the National Guard, will this interfere with my enlistment, if I do go through with it, will it affect if I move overseas with him if he gets stationed there?

-Thanks,

Victoria

Marriage licenses typically have a short expiration date.  Getting one too far in advance won't be if any use to either of you.  Nine months is a bit much, but each county/state has different rules.

There should not be any other paperwork if he is getting married at his new command, other than he should submit a special request chit to let them know you are marrying.  Those are not denied unless there is a problem with citizenship and clearances, or it looks like a fraudulent marriage, or if you are underage.  Rarely, commands do require sailors to undergo premarital counseling.  That is almost always just the training commands.

You can move anywhere in the US on your own dime and they will give him BAH to live with his spouse.  If you are not married when he receives his orders, you must pay for and arrange your own move.  Save up for that.  

 It is only overseas where you cannot just go to be with him.  Only E-4 and above may take dependents overseas, E-3 cannot.  Plus, you must be command sponsored, which if you aren't married before he gets orders takes time and a waiver.  Not always approved, especially not Japan.  

I'm a little confused.  You said "if" he goes overseas, yet you seem to know he'll deploy immediately.  No one without orders in hand in A school knows that they will deploy, or when, or for how long. No one.  So, the question is, does he already have his orders or not?  I'm taking in hand hard copy,  not verbals, or what he "might" be doing.

Marriage licenses where I live at do not have an expiration date. Is there a difference? When my fiance comes home on the 13th of this July, we are applying and getting a marriage license at the probate court. He has already talked to his command and they have him going to family planning classes and everything since he has told them that he is engaged and plans on getting married on his two week leave back here at home. I am currently in college and will be finished by the time he gets back in nine months. I am not really sure if his ship will be in port or on deployment. Last we heard, it was going to be on deployment.

If yours doesn't expire, that's good.  Some do, in as little as 30 days!

Angie is right, it matters a lot where his ship's homeport is located.  If overseas, you aren't going.  And there are no National Guard units overseas , so that is a little confusing.

There is not much else for you to do for now, just be sure you have all your own personal info at hand for later.  Birth certificate, SSN and so on.

I was thinking of going back to the Reserves and asked if that would affect me moving overseas (if we had to). Keep in mind we are married but I was told I would just have to get with my unit about the move and be returned to inactive status in the Reserves (not sure if the guard has the same thing) while he is overseas and then when we move back to the US I would change back to active status again. Army is a little better about keeping spouses together.

But like they said, if he's stationed overseas you most likely won't be going anyway so that won't be an issue.....

I don't remember which conversation this pertains to...

I knew I had seen somewhere that you have to have the Housing Office look at your lease if you're not doing mil housing.  It's on the AHRN.com website.  It says in red letters, "If you are PCSing, you must contact the local Housing Office prior to signing a lease agreement. Click here to obtain Housing Office contact information. " (emphasis theirs, I just copy-and-pasted). 

So if you are thinking of renting non-mil housing, maybe just give the office a call and double check that policy.  AHRN.com is run by the Navy Housing Office. 

question if anyone can help! we are pcsing to san diego, well he just got there 2 wks ago and i leave wednesday to head there! We are originally from FL. Im confused about the whole driver's license thing. I heard that because we are military we can keep are old FL ones. But where I get confused is..that has our old apt address on it obviously we will not be go back there to live. Does that even matter? Or do you just keep the old one with everything the same on it ? 

They ask you take the lease to the housing office to have it looked over to make sure they aren't screwing you over or having you sign away your rights (which I highly recommend to anyone that moves into off base housing! They will call you and explain anything you didn't understand in the lease and walk you through it if its complicated.) But its not for the actual command requirements as far as proving you live in the area. But I have had instances when the command has said email a copy of the lease, but it was during a change of homeport and they were switching people over to VA BAH as they moved over here.

If you are concerned about the address you can always change it to your parents or his parents address. Just in case something gets sent their but I have never had an issue. I had to use it for some job interviews and they just asked what my current address is.

Hey all, So I just got back home from seeing my sailor at PIR and boy it was a great time but now to the complicated stuff. So we are planning on getting married while he is on leave but what all would he need to take with him to show that we are married? I know they will need our marriage license but how does it work after he gets stationed like do I need to be there to get my military ID or how does that work? And to get all the paperwork filled out how does that happen or when? I am so lost in all of this so if anyone or more than one can give me advice please let me know

Okay, do you mean get married after A school, when he is on leave?

He has to enroll you in DEERS, which is how the military verifies dependets.  That takes very little time, and can be done at any base. Usually all they need is the marriage certificate (not the license, that's for before) and your information (copy of your birth certificate, driver's license, SSN).  That will allow you to get your ID card.  That can also be done at any base, use the RAPIDS locator to find one close to your home.  Some require you to have a power of attorney from him to get the card, some don't.  You will use your Navy ID as your insurance card (Tricare is the insurance).  

If there is not a base close, he will have to do it when he checks into his new command.  

The Navy will NOT move you to his new duty station.  You will need to pay for that yourself because you will be marrying after he receives his orders. So you need to start saving up for a move.   If he goes overseas, there's a high probability you will not be joining him.  

Yes we plan on getting married after his a school and between his duty station. And if i live near a Air Force base they can do it as well? and what do I tell them when I go to the base? And as far as the marriage certificate all we need is a certified copy? And if we get that while he is up here on leave then would it be easier for him to go to the base with me and get that done? And we figured they wouldn't pay for me to move so we had expected that so that's unfortunate but we want to be together as soon as we can. And when he goes back to his duty station should he sign up for housing and how long does it take to get housing? Sorry I have so many questions but this has definitely become a reality since it will happen hopefully in less than a month!!

Ahh ok so is there anyway that when he gets his orders to know how long housing waiting lists are? and if they are really long then how do we get on the waiting list?

He should go with you to the AF base and get you put in DEERS and do the ID card.  That will ne easiest.  You will need to call and find out what they require specifically, don't be surprised if they want your birth certificate.  Order a certified copy now.  When you marry, order extra copies of the marriage certificate.  

He can't do anything with housing or BAH until he's married and you're in the system.  Another reason to get over to the AF base and have them help you guys with DEERS and so on.

Once you're married, and have the certificate, you can use HEAT - the Navy's Housing Early Application Tool.  Also, look up the ombudsman for his command when he gets his orders.  Email her/him, introduce yourself and they should have lots of resources that can help you get settled.  Ombudsmen are volunteers, usually the spouse of someone at the command that can help you with resources in the area.  You can look up and contact the ombudsman here:  Ombudsman Registry.

christinerenee

you should have him check into the military hop flights. because he is active duty he will have a better chance to get on them :) my uncle just flew to guam from CA for 20$ they are really cheap. they are just never promised. my friend and I were just talking about how she flew with her two kids from japan to the USA on a hop flight. she made it on the flight but b/c of some mech issues they had to land and had to stay three days in some other part of japan. then they got to the US. it could be a pain but at least they are really cheap :)

RIKKI
its best if he goes with you to get your ID . some bases make you have a will to get your ID . every base is different. thankfully I didn't need any of that but it happens. all housing is different. The housing where we are, there is no waiting list at all. other places, its really long. :) good luck and congratulations

Getting on AMC flights is very unreliable, but the price is right.   I've done it, but we were detoured all over the place. I've done it as a kid, as a sailor, and as a retired dependent.  It is different each time.

 The problem for active duty is it burns up their leave waiting for a flight, and they might not get one BACK to their duty station on time.  Then they have to pay for an extremely expensive return ticket.  I wouldn't depend on it.  Here's the info:

http://www.amc.af.mil/amctravel/

it honestly depends . some flights go smoothly. some don't . just how it works out. its defiantly a risk but you never know. it also depends on his rank. higher ranks get more priority on hop flights. so if he is on active duty and using his leave I want to say he will be on class 2 or 3 there are 6 classes if I remember right.

Hey, so my sailor is at A school right now in Pcola and is going his INDOC and he keeps telling me that they havent told him when he is graduating but i would imagine that it would be this week since they are doing all of his paperwork now. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or when they might tell him?

Yeah, he won't learn his exact graduation date during indoc.    He will only learn that once he begins classes, and there's no way to tell if or how long he will be on hold before that happens.  This is a hurry up and wait situation, and a test your patience.  Sorry!

He wont know until after he has started his schooling. My husband was in Pensacola also and was on hold for a month before he classed up. he didn't figure out when he was graduating until after he was already doing school, and he didn't get his orders until a week before he graduated. its a waiting process

does anyone know if i ship something via fedex to my sailor in pcola he is in a school right now if he will get it? i have his address just from past experiences i know that if you live in the barracks he might not get the package

Cupcake - You are doing the right thing.  As a parent, she should not be pressuring you two to do something that is against your best interests.  Financially speaking, waiting for a convenient time for her to let you get married, would be a bad idea.  When he comes home on leave after school, he'll probably have orders, so it's practically guaranteed that you will pay for your move.  If you both want to get married in the place and date you pick, do it.  It sounds like you have thought through a lot, including the financial aspect.  Don't forget, if you wait, you'll be forfeiting all those months of housing allowance and family separation allowance.  Junior enlisted don't make much money and I think it's wise of you two to consider every penny.  Next year, you may not even feel like having a "big" wedding.  We got married by a judge and were going to have a reception, but it just really wasn't important to us after a (very short) while. 

I was going to suggest inviting her to go with you, but that just opens other cans of worms you don't want to deal with.  If she continues to insist that you all come up with thousands of dollars to pay for a big wedding for her convenience, just to make her happy, I think it's safe to disregard her feelings at that point.  You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, do what you think is best for you.  And if she gives you a hard time, have your fiance deal with her.  She is his mom, he should be the one to tell her how it will be.  Often, moms resent it if they think the "girlfriend" is taking their son away from them.  His being the one to have the final talk with her, even over the phone, may make her realize that this IS what he wants.  

Good luck.  In laws can be super crazy.  My ex-MIL was controlling like that.  We picked a venue for the reception and her nephew had used the same place, so she just *knew* how everything *had* to be set up, where to put everything, how to decorate, etc etc.  And she had to tell me how to handle the children, and correct me if she didn't agree with what I was doing or saying.  That whole family was a bunch of crazy.  I'm lucky with this marriage, my inlaws are awesome and my husband gets along with my parents and my inlaws get along with my parents.  I hope you get over this bump and all is well after that. 

Does anyone know if the NEX in Great Lakes can replace tires?  The one in San Diego has an automotive department that does repairs, but I don't remember seeing anything like it at Great Lakes. 

CUPCAKE so I just wanted to say your doing the right thing my husband is graduating boot camp AUg 30th and we got married before he was evensure if he wanted to do the NAVY in fact I unfortunetly could not spend our two year wedding anniversary together as that he is in boot camp, 

Anyways I wanted to tell you we got married in Vegas not unplanned we planned it out that s waht we wanted to do something small nothing big figured we would ather save taht money one day and buy a house but anyways I just wanted to let you know that to this tday I DO NOT regret my dission best decision I ever had of having a small wedding just the two of us my mom flew down and my sis tooo so they were there but they didnt have to be

Also we were going to do the same thign just have a party or something later on maybe a year later and then i got pregos my sis graduated fro;m highschool and so on just a lot that happend the summer so we never did and to be honest i could really care less if we ever do if anything maybe for our 10 year we can renew vows and have a party 

My point is do what you feel right its yours and his special day and if thats what you two want to do dont let outhers change your mind yes thery are family but trust me they will get over it you know they have been there too not everyone wants the same thing 

Again i will say this BEST DECISION I EVER MADE I loved every minute of it and no we did not dosome cheesy wedding chappel ther haha we did it in front of the belogio when teh fountain;s were going off at night so romantic but I would have done it in court house it was just knowing i would be with my best friend for the rest of my life was all that mattered to me

I know its diff situation but I know someone elses thoughts always help so I hope this help you feel better 

:)

abuon18 - It will automatically appear on the LES after he has been officially deployed for a month.  After that month, I *think* he'll get backpaid for it.  It should be about $250/month.  I just checked DH's and the first paycheck it was on, was after he'd been gone a full month and it was $400.  We didn't fill anything out or sign up for anything to get it.

Cupcake, you're doing what is right for you two with a courthouse wedding.  It makes no sense at all to spend money you do not have on a fancy party to make your MIL happy.   If she wants it that badly, she would pay for it herself.   You are correct, you'll need money for the move, for a deposit if you must rent, and a thousand little things.  Getting a marriage started is expensive, and a lifetime investment.  A big wedding is nice, but it is just one day.  Sometimes that's the hard decision you must make.

We married in Vegas.  My parents were there, but only because we were all on a road trip together.  My MIL is still grumpy about it, but I don't much care,

Your MIL will complain, maybe for years, but you aren't marrying her.  She'll learn to settle down, or miss out, especially if you have kids.  

@cupcake

OH MAN! What a pain in the you know what your soon to be mother-in-law sounds like. I think you MUST know you are not being selfish. She is being selfish and RUDE! I can’t stand when family or friends bully you into doing things out of obligation. Plus a lot of people are not understanding of the military lifestyle and how not much is up to you at all. Especially planning things with a set date. She is going to be a pain in your butt forever I’m sure. Seriously I would let your husband deal with her and I wouldn’t even discuss anything with her or contact her at all. I’m still new to this life style but I will tell you my mother-in-law who is very nice and supportive doesn’t understand that we have no idea how the holidays are going to work for coming home to visit. My husband is in A school right now and then will be doing C school and we don’t know if he will get enough time away to fly home and visit and get back in time. We told her that when he is allowed time he will defiantly come but he can’t promise it will be on an exact holiday and she is very upset about this and doesn’t get it. I tried telling her this last Christmas that this might be the last time we spend together for a while on the holidays. She didn’t seem to hear me cause now she is putting a ton of pressure on him and it’s not even November yet. Our situations aren’t even close but I just wanted to point out that you are going to get a ton of people who don’t know how it works always putting pressure on you to make it somewhere or do something you just can’t. Get used to say the NO word now. I had a small wedding outside overlooking Lake Tahoe with the sun setting and a few friends and family and it was the best wedding ever. Plus we didn’t have any debt because of it. You should feel confident in your decision and really just push her opinions to the side and stop listening to her. You have enough to worry about with your guy being away and planning a million other things. All this stuff is so stressful and it’s the hardest thing being separated. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing.

@ ohwhere... seriously, your MIL is expecting him to be home for Christmas?   Granted, it is the easiest one to get off, in A school it is practically guaranteed, but she truly needs to let go of a date on a calendar.  Christmas is when you're surrounded by the love of your family... even if it has to be in July.  

Is she unaware you have a family too?   

But you are right, some MILs never "get it".  You just do the best you can.

@Cupcake-I agree with the others that you need to do what is best for you and your sailor. Often, family members have no concept of the restrictions placed on service members for planning family events. While I also agree that your future MIL is being unreasonable, it might be best to explain to her that the "needs of the Navy" will impact all of your future decisions. You might even want to tell her that you would love to have the wedding she described, but "the needs of the Navy" prevent you from making any firm plans. You and your sailor are simply trying to make the best of the situation. It can't hurt to make her an ally, rather than and adversary, if at all possible. Sometimes, there is no way to make the family happy and you just have to make your decisions and be comfortable with them. My in-laws didn't show up for our wedding; it conflicted with an Ohio State football game...go figure! Thirty years later, my husband still gets angry over that one.

Best of luck to you and your sailor. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

@ Anti M

Ha yeah, my MIL still thinks of us as kids who just have all the time in the world and we are in our 30's. We have had to deal with holiday timing issues forever. Especially since my family is divorced so that makes two people I'm supposed to visit and then my husband's family all on one day. We have had Christmases before where we spent most of our time stuck on the freeway in traffic driving from place to place. Then we have split up and I've visited home and he went home and then we didn't get our holiday as a married couple. So now with the added time constraints of the military we are not going to be so accommodating by moving heaven and earth to make this happen. Just like you said we can have our Christmas time in July if that's the time we can make it happen. That's why holidays really just aren't fun for me. I associate them with stress and dealing with someone's disappointment. When we start our family soon people are going to have to come to us. Sorry but I'm not dragging our kids around and ruining their time. Sorry we have to be "grown-ups" at some point, right.

Good morning all, So I have talked with my fiance last night and we were hoping that he would be able to start school this week but he said he has not classed up. But he said that last week they posted on the board of the class-ups and his rating started school last week but he was not in the class. So I guess my question is, is that if he says last week his rating started school would he have to wait till they finished or do they have only one class per rating or do they have multiple classes for ratings? My fiance is an ABE and his schooling is for like 24 calendar days.

Hi, my name is Whitney, I am a sailor's girlfriend. We have been dating almost 2 years in october:). I was wanting to get advice and information on what happens after BC graduation.. He graduates in a couple weeks and I was wondering what happens at A school? Will he get to have his phone everyday?