NUKE moms

FYI - the new suicide hotline # 988 went into effect 7/16/22.

Happy Wednesday!

Good Morning!!  Since this came up elsewhere and I know we have some new members on this group, I just wanted to share some thoughts. I don't tend to sugar coat things, even with my children and my intention is not to worry, but also to help you, so if anyone needs to ask more questions or inquire more - feel free to reach out to me personally or B'sNukeMom. 

Nuke school is hard! It is probably unlike most any other intense bookish training your sailor has ever dealt with before. From what my son shared, those who had been to college and had some of the course work did a little bit better, but even then, testing was done a certain way, grading as well, and formats for answering questions - especially some of the mathematics was to their specifications. (These were some of the things he called home and talked to me about in the beginning.)

Life on the ship in the Reactor area, is hard, primarily because they only have so many people who can stand watch, compared to some other departments. Switching sleep schedules, the need for attentiveness, and extreme feeling of it always has to be perfect are other things that my son has had to deal with, as well as being on a first-in class ship, with many other eyes watching them and qualifications and testing. That doesn't mean it isn't just as hard on any other number of our ships and subs and what our sailors face. 

Watching my son go through A school, Power School, T-track, Prototype and then out into the fleet and work on his qualifications there, every step of the way, I saw different times where he was being trained and prepared for the next thing ahead, but reality still hits in once you are on a ship or sub and serving. 

I have been blessed to have fairly good communication with my son. It was also his way of dealing with issues that arose at school, news of classmates who were struggling. Calling home to me or his siblings was his grounding, it helped him to maintain his positiveness, but also helped him to keep reminding himself what were his plans and goals for the future. Not everyone's sailor does that. Recently, I had a mom share that hers told her that as much as he likes the calls or texts from home, calling just makes him that much more homesick. My son needs to hear often that we are proud of him, but also to know that there are no qualifications for that love, either. (if that makes sense). 

My son also knows that "If Momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy." So sometimes, he would just text me, "goodnight". I knew when he was going to bed, and how long he had been studying likely. I knew that he was still alive. That is probably one of the hardest things to help convey to our sons especially, if they tend to want to be - "Mom, I've got this." Just a small bit of comforting words, helps with the Momma worry. 

My son was also more talkative, and we had gone through a lot as a family prior to him going to BC. But I was also available when I knew he would be out of classes to right before dinner or having PT. (be sure to read my discussion above and reply if you have any updated information.) That was when he had his phone available and so I could text him and ask him to call me.  He also was fairly good about reaching out on Saturday mornings with a Skype call to his younger brother. I would just pop my head in and wave hello. It was enough for me to see him sitting in his BEQ lounge, with his favorite hoodie on, and rubbing his nearly bald head. I would get my smile and life was good. His brother needed the time to be in conversation. 

Being able to talk to your sailor about the things that are happening, let them know that you are aware of how tough it is, you are there to listen and be their sounding board, even if you can't fix things, helping them to recognize - should they go talk to a chaplain, or seek other help. (cont.)

(continued) Even if not religious, the chaplain can be a good nonbiased listening ear and source for information and help. On a ship, I had another sailor tell me that oftentimes the chaplain can have a more direct line of communication with the captain than even a chief or senior chief can.  

Our role as mom or parent, moves from being the one that takes care of fixing the problem, talking to the teacher, coach, whomever to guiding our children to remember that they can seek out conversations with others as needed. Encourage them to go address issues with their immediate chain of command, and on up if they need to. Reminding them that they can reach out for help if they need to. Mental struggles are hard, my sailors are not immune to who they have known or heard of dealing with things, hearing sirens in the night, friends medically discharged, but being able to call and talk about them, without a judgement, or overtly panicky, but understanding and sympathetic, I believe has been helpful. 

Some sailors won't share anything, and they want to deal with it themselves, whether they are afraid we will be ashamed of them or not, I don't know - those are the tough ones to be on the outskirts as a parent, because we still hurt when our kids hurt and don't feel like we can share with anyone else either. 

This is why it is good to make connections on here and friends and be able to post messages privately if you need someone to reach out to. Learning and understanding, helps us to be supportive of our sailors. 

Thank you Chipmunk

Pizanche - You are welcome!

Happy Monday!

Has anyone's sailor tried to get financial assistance for airline tickets for family emergency leave through the Red Cross? My mother passed away last week, and my son's leave has finally been approved for him to come to the service this coming weekend. He hasn't been able to figure out how to get the financial help that appears to be available. Any tips would be appreciated.

PacNWmom - I am so sorry to hear this news of your mother's passing. My sincere condolences. 

I would say, if my mother was still alive, I would ask her as she worked during her retirement years at our local RED Cross office in my small hometown. That might be what he needs to do, is call a local Red Cross office, or see if he can speak to the Chaplain in his command, maybe he would know how to go about getting the help. 

PacNWmom - This is what my Google search pulled up. Not sure if this is what he has been working with or not? - Financial Assistance for Military Families | American Red Cross 

Chipmunk - thank you for the post last week with the detailed thoughts about the Nuke program.  My son is in T-track now, just finished A school.  He is similar to your son in that he likes to call and debrief.  I really appreciate your insights!  (Sorry for the slow reply - I don't check these messages daily and tend to get behind.) 

PacNWmom - I'm so sorry for your loss.  Praying your son can get home to be with you soon.  <3

MomofJoseph - Thanks for sharing, I appreciate knowing that it was helpful!  T-track was when my son learned about standing all of the different watch cycles and one of the few times in his 5 years that he was late for a muster. His alarms did not go off. He remedied that situation, but it was still the one time I very much became a helicopter mom! I was an hour behind time zone so was setting my alarm for like 2 AM to be able to call him. After the 2nd day, he finally convinced me he had it all under control - seeing as how I kept depriving him of at least 10 more minutes of sleep because I was calling that much earlier than his alarm!!

Every stage of classes and T-track seemed to enlighten me to more of what would be expected of them as he prepared to go to his duty station. 

Happy Wednesday!

PacNWmom - I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom.  My condolences to your family.

PacNWmom - I hope things are working out for your sailor's requests. I know things are really busy, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. BNMHs!

This might be too early to ask about this as we are still in BC.  I was reading the information about A school, Power School and Prototype.  If I read it right, he can stay on base for the first 2, but then he has to live off base for the 3rd because he will be working on an reactor?  I am asking because I want to make sure that he understands this.  He chose not to get his DL and he has no car.  His whole plan was to always live on base. He will have no choice now.  Some of the info was not visibly easy to read or understand.  Is Japan an option for prototype or is that only a duty station option?  Again I know that I am early, but maybe he will make friends with someone who can teach him or he can take lessons down there? TIA.

JNMnavymomOH — Your son will be in the barracks for A school and Power School. Prototype is also in Goose Creek, down the road from the other two. (There is another site in Ballston Spa, NY, but I don’t think think they are sending any sailors there at this time.) There is no housing at Prototype, and the sailors get BAH for housing. My sailor got an apartment with two other guys who were in the same group at Prototype. He didn’t have his license before he left for BC, either, and ended up getting a permit and license in South Carolina. He was able to ride with his roommates since they had the same schedule. 

MyKidsMom thank you!  He believed that if he really needed to drive, the Navy would help him/teach him.  I wasn't so sure about that.  Now I feel just a bit better.

MyKidsMom - Thanks for sharing - I apologize, I missed JNMnavymomOH's post with other things I had going on.  I am glad that things worked out okay for your son. Mine had his license, but his roommate did not and that was difficult as I would not let my son teach his roommate to drive because of our insurance. - MyKidsMom - Did your son end up buying a car in SC? 

So - JNMnavymomOH - NO, the Navy will not teach your sailor how to drive. They have to figure it out on their own and get their own transportation from their housing to Prototype.  I know my son's recruiter asked us when my son first was in DEP a year before he left if he had a driver's license and we said no. I do not think they indicated that he would have to have it, but we knew it was better for him to get it prior to going to BC. As it was, my son did not have much driving time under his belt, even after getting his license before we went to BC. Once he was at GC for A school, he bought a bicycle, because he could ride that from the BEQs (Bachelor Enlisted Quarters) - that is what my son called them there, not barracks - but pretty much the same thing - to class. He was able to ride to Wal-Mart and such, so he did learn his way around the immediate area of the Base before he had a car. 

His older sister ended up giving him her car when she no longer had need of that vehicle. So, we drove two cars halfway across the country and gave him that car and came back in the other one.  He was able to keep the car tagged and licensed in our home state at the time. 

NO, there is no Prototype in Japan, and Yes, to my knowledge they have not opened up Ballston Spa again. We currently are only training in GC, and it is a farther drive than where the A school & Power school are located at. 

JNMnavymomOH - my son is currently at GC.  He just graduated A school and hasn't started Power school yet.  He does have a car, but for about 3 months, he wasn't allowed to have it on base.  (Having a car on base is a privilege they earn.)

There are sailors who are duty drivers on base, and their job is to give the sailors rides on and around base.  (Not sure how that works for Prototype, but for A school and Power school, the sailors had transportation available.)  Once my son took his car to GC, he became a driver for many of his classmates.

Big hugs to you as you wait for BC to end.  I cry every time I read posts about BC.  My son graduated at Thanksgiving last year and the emotions are still raw regarding how much I missed him, how I stalked the mailman for letters, all that!  :-) 

JNMnavymomOH - It's been a while (my son is in the last year of his contract), but I would encourage your son to get a driver's license. My son had a permit, but not a DL when he went into the Navy. It was however, understood that each sailor needed transportation while in proto. My son got his DL when he came home on leave between PS and prototype. His buddy was assigned to Ballston Spa for proto, so he bought his truck. His buddy had bought it when they were in A school. 

I think there is quite a learning curve when they are in proto - professionally and personally. They have to step up and do a lot of adulting. The Navy does not house them or feed them during this time frame (they do receive BAH and $ for food - those initials escape me). There is no guarantee that those he lives with will have the same schedule or even same boat assignment. While I am sure that his shipmates would help out, the schedule is grueling. It is not really fair to expect others to provide a ride daily. With regards to the recruiter knowing that he did not have a DL, unless he was a nuc, he probably has limited info on the particulars of the pipeline.

Good luck to you and your son. The pipeline is quite the ride!

Thank you!  The recruiter did encourage my son (as did I, even paid for driving lessons like 2 years ago) to get his.  When it came time to renew right before he left, he chose not to. I told him he would need it, but we were not aware of how exactly the pipeline worked. When I see him for PIR, we will talk about it.  Not sure what he is going to do.  He will have to adult quickly here.  I will do what I can.  Thank you ladies.  

3B'smom - HI!! It is so good to hear from you!! Thanks for chiming in. As my son was on the other end of having to help his buddy out, when he could, it can make it difficult for the other roommates.  I am glad you mentioned the fact that they have to provide their own food at the time. 

MyKidsMom - Do you know if things had changed with regards to eating area or something at Prototype? I know my son said that something had closed, so we helped him buy a lunch bag and some containers as well as ice packs, because he had to not only fix his food for when he was not at school, but also while he was at school, and then not too far into Prototype, he accidently left his lunch bag and lost it. 

He also accidently dropped his CAC card and it fell in behind some shoes by the door or something - it was actually his wallet, because for about a couple of days or so, I was having issues with the post office delivering his mail correctly - then having to help replace his driver's license. NFCU froze his account and his debit card, as well as dealing with his CAC card - Needless to say, he managed to find it accidently - and he had searched everywhere he could think of -  That was a major big thing for both him and I! So, Yes, they "Adult" fast!

MomofJoseph - thanks for sharing your son's experience as well. 

JNMnavymomOH - So, did you son originally have a driver's license? If so, he could still renew it, possibly by mail, unless you are dealing with REAL ID issues. He might have to pay a penalty for letting it lapse, but even that is not something he wants to do. Even if switching to a different state, you need to be able to show you still have a current valid driver's license. To make getting a new one in the new state a lot easier to do than if you have an expired license. Of course, you probably know this but convincing our kids is a different story, sometimes. 

JNMnavymomOH - the drivers license is definitely needed for prototype and if he were to end up in Norfolk he will for sure need a car.  Naval Station Norfolk is the world's largest naval station!

He only had his Temps here. They were due to expire before he left and he decided to just get an ID at that point.  He does not have the REAL ID, which is what I wanted.  I think it was his way of making an "adult" decision even though I tried to tell him otherwise.  It seems we both will have a huge learning curve for this.  I just hope that I can be of some help to him.  

JNMnavymomOH - There's a line in The Office that my husband and I repeat often in regards to our kids:  "How do you tell someone you love - I TOLD YOU SO." LOL.  It is so hard when they don't listen and then they suffer the consequences of not listening.  I'll be praying for him to find time to get his license.  Hugs!

MomofJoseph - I love it!!

JNMnavymomOH - Depending on which Nuke rate he is assigned, MM, EM or ET, will dictate how long his A school is, then his T-Track may or may not be short. That is the transition time between A school and Power School while they wait for the new classes to have enough of the sailors graduate to "class up". Then I am getting rusty here, but I think PS is about 6 months, so he could have almost a year before needing a car and his license to drive to Prototype.  During T-track, they will be standing watches, on various shift changes around NNPTC, so their time is not necessarily their own either. 

The best you can do, is to just be the listening ear, and the gopher if you have to head to your DMV for something or other, or mail records of his completed driving courses. Search online for driver manuals for the state. Like MomofJoseph said, we can't tell them, "I told you so", we just have to smile through the phone and be available to help as we are able, but also let them take the responsibility for their decisions. THAT is what I find to be one of the hardest lessons I as Mom have had to learn, and I have 5 to practice on. I am still not sure that I have achieved that goal yet, myself!!

NNPTC = Naval Nuclear Power Training Command (navy.mil)

Prototype isn't that far from NNPTC, just down the end of Red Bank Rd. When my son was there, he shared a house rental up in Summerville with 3 other sailors. One of them didn't have a driver's license and either rode with one of the others or bicycled. Kind of a long way on a bicycle, especially in the summer, but no hills, he was young, and an avid cyclist.

When my son was in Prototype, there were several apartments in Bryant at Summerville that had nukes, but I'm not sure how many live there now. It's convenient to the highway and within walking distance of a Walmart. We drove our old truck to him to use when he was there and he ended up driving others when their shifts lined up.

As to eating when on duty for prototype, he always had a stash of beef jerky handy just in case he was extra hungry or didn't have time for anything else.

My biggest concern for my son was always coming off of the night shift and driving home around 7 AM, trying to stay awake, despite the fact that he shared an apartment with 2 others (one who did not have a DL) that was one of the closest apartment complexes to Prototype. 

My son will be starting Prototype sometime in the near future. He is currently on hold, along with a bunch of others, waiting for the next course opening. Does anyone have any recommendations on what this group should do during this time?

emilyl

He should be enjoying this time off!  Go see some sites and enjoy what he can do within the limits they set.

On a side note....ALWAYS keep your phone with you when your sailor is deployed because when they're back you'll get that call! :) Mine is back and I'm smiling from ear to ear!

CSW - That is a good point about taking time to see some sites!

WooHoo on the phone call!!

Welcome to our newest member ~ Emilyl!

Please be sure to read the ***NEW MEMBERS*** info at the top of the page.  Lots of good info there.  Also take a look at the Pages (20) to the right under the member profiles - be sure to hit "view all".  And the discussion forum above has some good info too - be sure to read Chipmunks "Nuke A School Daily Schedule".  And of course, feel free to ask any questions you may have.

Emilyl - I was hoping to ask my sailor for his ideas, but he is currently unavailable. 

Good Morning all!  Well the youngest and his fiance found the venue for their wedding and picked a date.  But it's not until 3/22/2024!  Good grief that seems so far away.  I'm sure it will be here before we know it, but right now it's 590 days away lol!