Almost a year from now...

[Christina]

So it's been a while since I've been on here and since he broke up with me. Over the summer of last year we still talked. Maybe it was because we were so use to seeing and talking to each other everyday til he left for the Navy and then when he broke up with me it seemed impossible that we couldn't go through a day without texting each other. Which made it extremely hard for me, if I had to get over him...even though I didn't want to. Anyways, it's almost been a year since he did...but throughout the year, last fall of 2011 he wanted to try and make things work. Distance was the thing that was ruining our relationship because it's just hard on him and he wanted the best for me. I wanted to move down there after I graduate (BTW I'm FINALLY graduating this week, April 29th!) so we started looking for apartments and such but then he changed his mind...which I got really confused. Then something happened, not going to mention but then sometime in the end of October and November communication started to decrease. He finally made some new friends. When he went to his new station, he was trying to make friends that weren't going to piss him off or who related to him basically, but since he met this guy who is somewhat younger than him, he started drifting away more than ever. His friend isn't the greatest friend you can ask for. (I know I didn't know him then, until he brought his friend home with him for leave) Lets just say this guy is a big party guy and goes out to strip clubs and such. Of course Justin started to change, drift away and even worse started drinking more. I was concerned and so was his family. Since October of 2011 til now he's changed into someone his family and I are concerned with. But since he met this guy he's made friends and so I'm sure he's not alone, which is good, but I was hoping he wouldn't turn into that...It really makes me sad and somewhat depressed because he was someone I could always go to. Now I can't even talk to him because he's so busy, getting drunk or working (which he has been working alot.) But when he came home on leave which was for new years, he said we are going to make this work because this is what I want. I wanted to try to make things work but then of course two months later in March of this year I started getting that vibe again. It's like when he's near me he's ok but when he's gone from me for a while he just falls apart.

His family thinks we'll be ok but it's not just that...I noticed that I was being strung around and that upsets me more than anything...yet I still loved him. Lets face it, I've been in love with him since we were together, I knew I was when our 2 year anniversary hit, even a little before that and this was before he joined the Navy. I have ever since and still am. We would have been together for 5 year this year...almost 5 and a half. I've known him for like 8 years. He was always that person to go to...not within a few months, it's just fading and it hurts me so bad. I'm 23 now. I've learned alot from this...but a broken heart shouldn't last this long. I'm really excited to graduate here soon. I'm so proud of myself, yet I feel so empty and that I lost a really, or he use to be a really good friend. I've sent him birthday cards, valentine stuff, St. Patty/ Easter stuff, and encouraging cards. He said when he got his easter mail, that it made him want to cry...he said he feels like he deserves nothing. He always said he'd sent me something cuz I sent him stuff, but he never did and I knew he wouldn't because he has never sent me anything but letters from bootcamp which meant the world to me. Now I can't even look at them because they are depressing and he just was the man that never gave up on me til this past year.

I'm still in pain. I've tried and it's just really hard. I've never felt so alone and lost. It's hard to find people who I can trust and relate to. There are very little in my life. It was him and his family who i could always trust. His family has and will always love me and they're wishing Justin would see that again, but i can't hope for anything with him anymore except that I hope he'll be ok in life. I never wanted anything more, but I can't want him cuz deep down inside...he's fading away from me and doesn't make time or the effort for me anymore. He mentioned that I was worth more than that and he doesn't mind making time for me. (Trying to call more like atleast once a week, since this New years since we were trying to work things out...) But I know that I'm not and I'm always going to support him, but I can't believe how he's turning out to be. He's suppose to be a better man, not going into a backwards stage. Maybe because we were together for so long he just wants to go out and black out with his new buddies who are all younger than him, well only by like 2-3 years...but I don't know...I know I have to stop loving him because I guess I should see that he really doesn't love...yet he tells me he does. It's confusing, but I guess I should look at the picture and how he's treated me the past few months. I've never felt so distance yet we've been apart in two different states for about 3 years now...but I've never felt so distance from him until these past few months of this year. It's just hard to let go of the one thing that I loved with everything I had...I really hate this and really have no one to talk to. I don't really want to talk about it with his mom even though she's like my mother in law or would have been and she sees me as her daughter in law. It's just sad because I'm trying to get through this, yet I'm graduating. Thinking about graduating takes me back with the whole 4 years here at my college...two best years were my freshmen and sophomore years...and he was in them. He's changed but I feel like he's lost because I know how he is or was and when he's home he's fine, but when he's away, he's just...gone? He and I don't really talk as much, not like we use too...sure his new buddy is his best friend now. I don't like him at all (His buddy)...not saying it's his fault, but I talked to our friends and some didn't really like him because he's so wild and Justin's best friend who he knew since he was like 8 years old, doesn't even know whats wrong with him because he's distancing from everyone back home. It's just really sad because he was the guy that every girl could ask for and a great friend one could have. I was lucky back then. I wish there was someone like him but that wouldn't give up on me...there has been no one who I've related to in my life til him, but how come I haven't met anyone even close to how Justin and I connected? There has been no one else. Is five years to jsut go down the drain? I can't even imagine not seeing or speaking to him period...although he isn't really talking to me too much. I'm always contacting him which makes me seem kind of pathetic. I'm always going to support him...but it's hard because I love him...always have and always will...it's just hard because when you love someone and it seems like they don't love you it makes me feel awful...I guess I should just drop it...but it's just not that easy for me to put 9 years of our friendship and out of those nine years we dated....I feel like I need help...cuz this broken heart has been crying on the inside for about a year now...I'm thinking of moving as soon as I graduate away from our home town because Ii get depress when I'm home since we went everywhere and we lived by each other..so memories come back and I get upset. Our friends always say you guys were perfect and stuff like that...it's just hard. I guess I just got to start new again :( 

[Linda (Ship 11 Div 141)]

Christina-- Know that time heals all wound. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this someone you love so much. I can only imagine how that feels. It seems like you're holding onto someone who is not as committed as you and that definitely makes a big difference. A relationship must have faith and dedication by both partner and if you are the only who is trying to make it working than it will be greatly difficult for the relationship to work out. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is wait. Wait to see if he is willing to change and come back to you and love you like he say he would. I know that people change and it is definitely hard to see the person you love change. That is definitely a fear for most especially for me. It's hard to imagine a relationship of 5 years to go waste but I suppose that you should be optimistic about your relationship. Don't be bitter and don't think it as a waste of your time but an experience you gained that I'm pretty sure you learned a lot from. Most definitely keep in mind to yourself is there something left in the relationship that is worth fighting for and importantly, know when to let go. Things will eventually work out because times of struggles only last for a while before it's gone. Be strong and I wish you with the best with you and your relationship. Hope that everything works out in your favor!