Awaiting orders, marriage life and learning to live and love together and apart.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

My dearest N4M members,

On March 15th my entire world was turned upside down when my, then boyfriend, left for Great Lakes. I know you all know that feeling, or will know it soon. For the last 7 months I have been waiting for my world to return to normal again. Yet I realized today, it won't ever be normal again. My life changed forever the second he walked onto that plane, when I got the "I am a sailor phone call", when he proposed to me on PIR weekend and on September 3rd when we became man and wife. He has less then 3 weeks before he graduates A-School in Florida and we will finally be together again. I miss my new husband dearly. I cannot wait to live with him, and finally be a wife to him more then just over the phone.

But there are some things, a lot of things that I am scared of. We should be getting our orders this coming week. I haven't been this nervous since the wedding. I am so scared of getting stationed somewhere that will require his work to keep us apart for so long that we will never really get the chance to be married until he is done with the Navy. I fully support my sailor and I know that I can handle this life otherwise I wouldn't have gotten myself in so deep. But I am fearful I knowing nothing or no one. I am fearful of the military life taking a toll on my marriage, as I am sure it will. I know God says not to fear and I do try to trust in him with his plans, but right now, I am nervous. I have never been away from my parents for more then 2 weeks. I live at home, I have never been on my own. And of course I will have my husband there to teach me how to pay bills and run a household, etc...But what happens when he goes on deployment? What happens when he is gone for 6 months and I am all alone? I pray every day that we get stationed at Lemoore NAS, since it is only a 3 hour drive from my hometown, but is that wrong that I want to be so close to home? I feel like this is my time to spread my wings and fly, become my own person and start building a good marriage and home with my husband. But for some reason...I am so scared. I suppose it is normal to be scared to leave everything you have ever known and venture off into uncharted waters.

Being apart from my husband does not help these fears. As I do not have the luxary of his comfort when I am nervous or scared. But I do know that being apart makes us appriciate the things we used to take for granted. I must say, with a list of pros and cons this whole Navy life thing has and will make me a better person. Yet, I have a really bad habbit of letting my fears and imagination run away. I let my mind go to these horrible places of negativity. Am I really that scared of life? Why am I always willing to jump but when I get there, I turn the other way, run and never look back? I have come a long way though, 2 years ago if someone told me that I would be married to man in the military but we would live 2500 miles apart I would tell them that they were out of their mind. That no way in HELL would I ever marry someone who I was never garunteed to see on a daily basis. Yet, today, I am so eternally gratefull that I have gotten to see him a total of 9 days in the last 7 months. I feel so blessed to be able to say that.

I started this blog wanting to update everyone on what is going on, I guess it started to become me opening up about my fears...and now answering my own questions.

I guess this is sometimes what we need. To write it out and answer our own questions because deep down we already know the answers.

The Navy life is going to be hard, it will take a toll on my marriage and I won't know anyone when we move next month and when he goes on deployment...I will be alone. But this is what we give up for love. Because when he is there, and he is all I have, I know that in his arms is where I am supposed to be. They say when you marry a military man, you marry the military too.

This is true. So now, more then ever.

I too will have live with Honor, Courage, and Commitment.

_Rachelle

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Judy,
Thank you, after posting this and re-reading it. I called my husband and read it to him. And it was then I realized...everything is going to be okay. No matter what adventures or challenges life throws at me, I know that God, my parents and my life experiance and my husband have prepared me for what is to come. I know I can do this. Even if it gets a little difficult at times. I just know I will make it through. When I look back on the last 7 months, time has FLOWN by! I know the next 3 years will have its own hardships, but I am looking foward to growing and becoming a stronger woman because of it. :)

[Nan(Ship 9 Div 247)]

bella - just like with any marriage you will take the good with the bad - the expected with the unexpected and keep going. The only difference here is that there are three of you now - you, your husband, and the navy. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and have two wonderful boys and never had anything like the Navy between us but there are always obastacles. You will find your own way. Good luck to you and thank your husband for his service.

[Stephanie( Mrs. Davis)]

We give up a lot, but it is so worth it to0 be with the one you love. I can say I relate to a lot of what you said.My husband just got his orders and he will be in Wa and I am going to be in Fl until May finishing school. He is going to be there for three years so, that is where I will be and leaving my whole family behind. I am scared but at the same time ready to start my life with my husband. As for deployments mine will be going on a lot of those and that is what will make us strong and our love will bring us through everything. In a sense we will not be alone because we have each other and the Navy has brought us all together. Good luck with everything, you will get through everything just fine:)