Coming Home

[HeatherT(09/003)]

Well here I sit on pins and needles as my son is on his way home. His dream of being a sailor and making a difference has been short lived. We have cried and prayed and wondered why.... no answers. Just administrative general seperation. After almost 2 years. He is devistated. He has been so proud of becoming a Navy Sailor and all he was going to do. Now he comes home and wonders was it worth it. He has only been home 3 weeks and 2 days since the day he left for RTC. He left Sept 18, 2012 (Only a week of that was consecutive) which I am understanding is very unusual. He was stationed in Guam and was land based for his entire service. I don't know what to say to him besides i love you and you gave it your best shot. I am still proud to be a Navy mom for a few more days. :/ and then a former one after. I think joining was still as good decision for him I just wish he had a better experience. Many of his friends from high school have since joined and love it. Their experiences have been ten times better. More along the lines we were expecting for him. So I will not say the Navy is bad etc. I just think that they need to work on some things. I hope all of the Navy mom's out there stay strong and proud and may God bless each of you as you send your child off...
I look forward to becoming a Navy mom again when little brother gives the Navy a try. :/ so maybe one day I will see you "talk" to you again. Please keep us in your prayers as JT goes through this very hard transition. And pray he doesn't feel like a failure for not living up to his expectations. Thank you all for your support etc. and God bless both you and you Sailors.

[lemonelephant]

Prayers for you and your Sailor and for the days ahead.

[BunkerQB]

Give him some room to breathe for a spell. When the timing is right, have a conversation about reasons for separation and what lead up to it. The military is not for everyone. College is not for everyone. Our kids are all different. It does not mean they will not have successful, productive and happy lives. He now knows better what he likes doing and what he is capable of doing. Continue to remind him that he (at the core) is still the same person.  Encourage him to think of this a learning experience. Does it hurt?  I am sure it will but "failure" at this does not mean his life is not progressing. He will mature a great deal from this experience.  The list is endless of highly successful people who "fail" at one endeavor or another.  I am a living example. With two degrees, I couldn't find a job for the life of me. Sent out hundreds of resumes. My father suggested I go into sales. I was crushed and insulted. I thought he had concluded that I had no talent in my chosen field whatsoever. He said to me, "Well, it has been a year, maybe it's better to earn at living doing anything than cry and agonize over being unemployed."  I got into a career in sales and starting making money immediately. Being able to pay the rent and buy groceries was a wonderful feeling. That was 38 years ago. I still love what I do and still make plenty of money. So tell your son, chin up - just go out and keep try out new things. Good luck - sorry for this long rambling comment.

[Anti M]

BQB nailed it.  The Navy simply is not for everyone.   There are a number of reasons for an ADSEP,  but it is a process which takes time, paperwork, and counseling.  He does know why, he probably is not ready to talk it over yet.  Help him find his new path, to find what works better for him.  Best wishes to you and to him.

[HeatherT(09/003)]

Thanks ladies..... and he has already started plans to reenter the "real" world as he calls it and is excited. Just the art broken that a dream of being in the Navy since he was 3rd 4 years old has turned out not the way he had hoped. He plans to appeal and reapply once he has settled focused finished college and "grown up" some. Per him. Sometimes we just need to me to grow before we try again . sometimes we just need that 'failure" to give us the motivation to try harder later when we are more ready. I already know the details of why..... He has become borderline ptsd because of the separation and not being able to see family like he was used to. We were a very close nit family until the summer before he left. A lot has changed and happened since he left and he has had a hard time dealing with the fact he couldn't be "here" for us. Thank you for your encouraging words. And perhaps we will "see" again in the future either with him or his brother. N4M gas been a blessing during this journey. Especially the first half.

[JustJo]

Hello Heather,

I heart goes out to your son and your family... I just wanted to maybe help with this information for him. I am a veteran and have worked at the Veterans administration for several years. Please Please encourage him to file a claim with the VA. He discharge is coded like everyone so depending on his discharge (code) it can be changed if needed to "Honorable". If he recieved that then his time in service will not be in vain. He has VA benefits for health and education. And if he still wants to make a difference he can always allpy to work at the VA which 90% of civilian staff are veterans. I know it is difficult to fit back in to civilian life so going back to work in DOD, DON, VA and more are where most of us fit in.
I hope this helps.
Sincerely
Justjo

[JustJo]

Sorry for the mispellings.. Im at work and late for a meeting!