He Held Me

[MM3 Proud Momma]

Yep, we're down to less than 72 hours before my son leaves the comfort of the home as he knows it to travel into that great abyss known as the United States Navy.

At this point, I'm truly not sure whom I'm more scared for---me or my son. Probably *me* because we've never been separated where there has never been a source of communication. I think that's what scares me the most.

Again today, I found myself crying at the most absurd moment. In the middle of public! Thank God that I was amongst people that understood how I was feeling so hugs were abundant, words of consolation were free flowing, and promises of support were phenomenal!!

My son happened to show up for for prayers, for praise for honoring and supporting his country, and even pats on the back. For the first time during all this, he even saw my tears, something that I've been trying to keep from him, and he just held me. My baby boy, my wannabe man, my soon to be Sailor, just held me. And I didn't want to let go!!

My son held me. During one of those moments that I was at my weakest, my son held me! This 'little boy' that I spent years holding onto, nursing him when he was sick, watching cartoons when he didn't feel well (usually Lion King over and Over and OVER), having him sleep right next to me on the nights that he was afraid that the boogie monster was going to get him, hovering over him when he was in a coma, was now the one holding onto me, giving me words of consolation.

And I needed it. But I need more. I want more! I want more words of 'momma, I'll be alright', 'momma, I'm not going to be gone forever', 'momma, I love you'. I want just an hour of his time to make me the center of his attention so that as a momma and baby, we can say all those things that need to be said.

But I will never forget that for those few, short moments, my son held me!!

 

 

[NavyMom93 (DIV: 823)]

ProudMom,

You just described the last weekend I had with my son before he left. He lived with his father since he was 13 and I only saw him on weekends, if he wasn't busy. I tried my hardest to not cry at all and one day it just couldn't be held back any longer. He held me and just let me cry. When I was able to talk, which took quite a while, I told him that I was sorry and I tried not to. I will never forget his words..."Mom, I would rather you let it out than hold it in. It's not healthy. I promise you I will be fine and you and I will get through this together." After that we did one of his favorite things, we played Call of Duty: Black OPS. By the time we had to drive him back to his Dad's house, I was laughing and joking like normal. We were lucky enough to go to the hotel with him the day before he left and spent the day with him. I cried on the way to meet him, but after that I held them off until we left to come home. 

 

He's in his 3rd day of boot camp and I try not to stress but it's hard. I've never been where I couldn't contact him before, either by phone or computer. I'm trying hard to keep his words in my head when he called me Wednesday on his arrival at BC. "Hey Mom, I'm here and I love you. Don't worry, I'll be alright. I love you."

 

I agree with you, I need more as well, but I know I have to let him go and grow into the man he wants to be. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Batmansmom531]

Ladies.....I truly and wholeheartedly feel what you are describing and although my son will leave for basic on Oct 25th, I miss him already.  My firstborn son, who was delivered via emergency c-section due to extreme blood loss, my lil boy who cried for two weeks when he started kindergarten, who has never given me an ounce of grief; my son who has waited for 2.5 years for his big day due to a heart condition. He sees me laugh, smile make jokes about renting his room and yet our bond is so strong that he knows I cry in the bathroom, or my car where I am unseen.   I too have held his small hand when he went for vaccinations, kissed his knees when he fell, assured him that his new school would be amazing.....and that the girl who broke his heart would regret it one day.  

 

I am not sure of how I will feel when he is at basic training......what I do know is that I will miss seeing him read to his 6 year old Autistic brother, or watch cartoons with his 2 year old nephew. I will miss hearing him and his dad play Call of Duty Black OPS, and the sound of his voice when he comes home and I am asleep on the couch when he whispers in my ear (mom, I'm ok...luv u)  I don't know how I will react seeing him graduate from basic training, seeing him in his uniform, knowing that he is fulfilling his dream of being a sailor like his cousins and uncles.  A member of the U.S. military like his grandfather, Great-grandfather and countless family members.  What I do know is that although I held him as an infant, I also know that just like you ladies....he will be the one to hold me when I breakdown in a heap of tears and emotion at the thought that he is not home in his room, safe, sound, and eating me out of house and home.

 

I am proud of the young man he is turning into, he is 40 days shy of his 20th bday, and in my prayers along with my other 3 children daily. I will keep you all in my prayers...God speed!