Melancholy Day

[MM3 Proud Momma]

As if the tenth anniversary of 9/11 isn't enough to set anyone into a melancholy mood, my mind is more focused on the fact that we are now into the final days before my son sets out for boot camp. And as we draw closer to his departure, I find that I burst out in tears over the most stupid, even mundane, things.

Take his laundry, for instance. He started a load in the washer and called me, asking me to please put them into the dryer for him, to be followed by another please of folding them and putting them in his room. No problem. I've done this dozens of times before. No problems getting the laundry into the dryer, and I even loaded the washer with another batch. When the dryer buzzed, I removed his clothes, transferred the freshly washed stuff into the dryer, and proceeded to my bedroom to fold his clothes.

And I busted out in tears.

How many more times am I going to fold his laundry and pair his socks for him? Once? Twice? I won't lie and tell you that the thought of my laundry duties lightening up a little doesn't appeal to me but I now have to hand the 5'10" grease-monkey's laundry duties over to the US Navy. I hope they own stock in Purple Power because my child can attract grease and grime just standing still. 

I stood at the kitchen sink, filling it with soapy water to soak some dishes in--dishes that were unearthed from my son's bedroom. You know, the ones from his midnight raids on the fridge and pantry, leaving you wondering what happened to all the groceries that you know that you just bought. And I busted out in tears because it hit me that I would no longer have to go searching his room for my favorite cup that he invariably always walked away with when I wasn't looking. All the sudden, that cup is going to be mine and mine alone.

Going to the mailbox and seeing catalogs from colleges that he was pondering brings on the tears. Hearing him in his room, chatting with his friends on his cell phone, blaring his stereo, or even outside revving his truck engine, all bring me to tears.

Gone too soon will be everything that I am accustomed to. And I have to keep digging deeper and deeper within myself to find the strength to continue on throughout the day. I do have a baby boy and husband that rely on me to maintain a household, and I certainly can't do it if I'm lying in a crumbled heap, bawling my eyes out. Besides, that just confuses the cats and worries the dog.

One moment at a time has become my mantra, as well as what doesn't destroy me will make me stronger. If my son can take on and challenge the unknown that lies in front of him without his momma by his side for physical support, then I, too, can take on and challenge the unknown that lies in front of me without my son by my side for physical support. And somehow I know that in the end we will both be better people when we come out on the other side. I just wish the ride was a bit smoother.

[eplee]

Proudmom,

I feel your pain.  My son is in his last weeks of bootcamp and I must say that the only thing that helps me is 'praying without ceasing.'  I wake up every morning at 3:30 a.m., I don't ever set an alarm.  I immediately pray myself back to sleep.  It's awful missing my son, but, sister you are not alone. We are all feeling the same wave of emotions.  You will survive this with lots of prayer and pride.  You are correct " you will both be better people when you come out on the other side."  I'm praying for you.

[JIC]

Amen! ProudMom.  My son has been out of BC for over a year & I am still crying all the time.  I am not sure if it is because my son is not here (on deployment in the Middle East) or my sister fighted matastisized breast cancer or my baby granddaughter facing surgery or peri-menipause.  It could be it all rolled into one but I feel like I have lost my mind.  I don't seem to have the strength to deal with one more thing & the pile keeps getting higher.  They say your forties are suppose to be the time of your life.  Whom ever said that must have had a drug addiction or tipping the wine bottle one to many times. This is a very difficult sacrifice not only by your son but also by his parents & siblings.  My thoughts & prayers are with you!  God Bless your son!

[nyyoli]

hello to all n god bless our sr n sailors..im new t this site .my son left aug24 2011,,n i know how u feel proud mom..i went through the same thing u are going through.now ..as looking for your cup in his room n hearing him talking to his friends every nite ..n when he was done or i needed to talk to him ,he gave me his ALL..MOM OK IM HERE  LETS TALK..i miss him sooo much that it still hurts..but i know i will see him soon n i will get to talk to him more than now ..cause bc u cant talk every wk ,,its a long 8wks..but im proud n support him all the way..n i pray everyday for my son and others sr..good luck to all..,,go navy!!..god bless our SR!!..

[ared]

I never thought I would ever cherish doing laundry but as I was washing some of my sons clothes before he shipped out knowing he wouldnt be wearing them for a while it took on a completely different meaning. I began to cherish the responsibility that I have had for 19 years and considered it a privelidge to be such a part of his life. I never would have thought ghat I would get so sentimental about a basic housekeeping duty. I miss my son terribly not that I want him to be here not going on with his life, just knowing that an era of him being a kid has ended and a new phase of life has began. I pray without ceasing and feel confident that when my son needs strength beyond his ability that my God will provide. I long to hear from him either by phone or letter. I know I will soon. We should be very proud of our young men s courage I know it must be tough to leave everything familiar behind and walk into an unknown.