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I NEED HELP!! My sailor did not come home from his tour :(
My fiance is a SEAL and was suppose to come home from his tour 2 weeks ago. I was given a date and to wait for his phone call....still no show or phone call. The last time we talked, he wanted to end his enlistment early. He has 2 more years and his chief would let him know the day he was coming home. I don't know what to think or do now...
Could his tour be extended do to the request? Is he alive? What do I do from here? We have a 11 month old son and the child support has not been coming in for several months now. Since I am his fiance and the mother of his child, is there any information that would help me? I just want to know he is okay. Anybody been in the situation? Please help me I am lost.
Views: 318
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Comment by sailorwifenmom on September 11, 2012 at 11:21am
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I understand that this is scary, so I'm going to take your concerns one at a time --
Are you listed as his next of kin, or is his parents listed? If anything had happened to him, they would send a notification team to tell his next of kin. I would contact his parents and see if they have heard anything. Even with the SEALS, they don't just disappear without the Navy knowing about it. Deployments get extended a lot, so that doesn't mean that there's a problem. It really can be a case, as far as his safety goes, that no news is good news.
As far as the child support and everything, that is a bit worrisome, because honestly, if it's been stopped for several months now, and you haven't heard anything from the Navy or his family, that says to me that he stopped the payments. Do you have an order of child support? If you do, then you need to contact his command and tell them that you have an order of child support and that he isn't paying it. If you do not have an order of child support, then honestly, I think you need to go get one issued, because, and I am really sorry to say this, but it sounds to me less like something has happened to him, and more like he's changed his mind about your relationship and isn't telling you.
I'm sorry :-(
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Comment by abbyblue on September 11, 2012 at 11:39am
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what hell wrong with men ,cant stand up and be a man and take care of your child.sorry but you better start with his family contact them .
child support was it from the court why didn't you do something two months ago when it it stopped ?
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Comment by Joy11 on September 11, 2012 at 2:20pm
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Sailorwifenmom: My fiance said he listed me as next of kin. As with his parents and family, I've never met them.
I know to many women, this might sound crazy. But in his culture, the significant other is to be introduced to the family. So I can't just drop in and introduce myself because that would be seen as disrespect. I wanted to make a good impression and not want them to hate me at first sight.
The tables have turned now that they know about me and my son. They want to meet me and are happy to have us be a part of the family, despite my fiance and I having a child out of wedlock. But without him here for support, I'm fearful to march up to their doorstep and introduce myself. And this would be the only way to meet his family.
As of child support, I have not issued one. It was clear that he needed to support my son and I while deployed. He told me not to worry about it and that I would have a monthly deposit for rent and basic necessities. I trusted him to honor that. Since then, my son and I are living at my parent's house. So I have their support.
We planned to have a wedding and move in together once he came back. I put in so much trust in him and that is beginning to waver due to the circumstances. In his previous relationship, he was deployed and his girlfriend decided not to wait. I knew coming into this relationship, it would be difficult and we would have the rest of our lives to get to know each other. And I was okay with that because we would love each other regardless of the change that happened in our lives. It may sound cliche, but we are meant for one another.
I would have these gut feelings to call him and he would be there. I am just pouring my thoughts out now...thanks for the listening and the support. I deeply appreciate it.
But I have decided to drop in and meet his family next weekend. My son has the right to know his father's side of the family. Regardless if he doesn't feel the same for me.How would I go about contacting his command? I know he is based in Virginia when he's not deployed, but that is about it. Thanks again.
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AbbyBlue: Thanks for you incite. I will contact his family and as of child support I will have one issued.
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Comment by Anti M on September 11, 2012 at 3:37pm
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Best of luck to you. Getting court ordered support is a wise move. If he added the child as a dependent, then he'd be getting BAH Diff for your son, and you should definitely get that money, plus the child should be on Tricare. If you can, get a hold of his SSN, it would be essential for your child's health coverage (it is how they identify dependents). Good to hear his family is supportive. Let us know how it goes, or we'll all worry!
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Comment by ebigirl on September 13, 2012 at 6:45pm
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Joy11, Good luck to you and listen to your gut. It will never stear you in the wrong direction. As Anti M said, please let us know how your doing. We DO worry if we never hear from women again!
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