It's a Bad Day.

[Olive Oyl]

My heart hurts. I don't know why some days are so hard in comparisson to the others, but today is one of those days. Why do I have to be the one left behind?

I try to tell myself that I'm fine but that's simply false. I am surrounded by people who can't understand. The one person who has been there for me no matter what is across the country and isn't coming back any time soon. I thought that it would be easier than this. I told myself I would see him soon and it would be okay.

Yes, I'm going to see him soon. March 18th, only 15 days left. But all this waiting to see him for a few hours in an airport surrounded by people is not what I had in mind. I'm traveling so far for him. My parents are paying a shit ton of money for me to see him for a few hours. I have to be the one giving up my life. He chose to do this with his life, but it affected my life too. It's been six weeks. I'm six weeks into four years of missing him and waiting for him. Why do I have to be the one to wait?

I want him to wait for me to know how this feels. But I won't make him do that. I won't leave him behind because I want him with me every step of the way. It makes me wonder if he wants me walking with him through it all too. I mean, he chose to go. And I'm here. I'm miserable. I pretend not to be but I am. And there's no way around it because there's no way he is coming back. There's no way I can be with him. My hands are tied.

Just like my hands were tied when I had cancer. I had to go through painful treatments daily for two and a half years and there was nothing I could do about it. I never wanted my life to be like that again. I hate that it is. I hate that I hate it. I hate that the one person I love and trust with my whole heart left.

Being away from my Popeye is tearing me apart and I'd much rather have leukemia again than be going through this.

Love,

Olive Oyl

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Olive Oyl,

 

We all know how much it hurts to love a sailor. Our hearts yern for them in ways that we never thought possible. Every girlfriend, fiance, and wife has hurt for her sailor, cried for him, broken down on her knees and begged for him. But there is something bigger, that soon you will understand, when you see him in his uniform at the airport.  Something that you will feel that will make those feelings of hurt, hurt a little less. Its PROUDNESS! You will feel so proud of your sailor. I remember feeling exactly how you feel when my husband (then boyfriend) was in boot camp. I remember feeling angry and betrayed. Like, how could he ever leave me behind?! But I can say, that though being invovled with someone in the military, whether they are your child or your signifcant other, it is never easy, but always rewarding. You and your sailor will learn to appriciate every second that you have with eachother, every phone call, every letter. It will mean more to you then you can ever imagine. And I PROMISE, that everything will be okay. I promise that he loves you even more then he did when he left. I promise that he is thinking about you 24/7 and I promise that those thoughts of you is his motivation for success. One thing I wont promise you is that the tears stop. Because they don't darling, they just come for different reasons... This whole life is a roller coaster, and being a part of the navy life will bring you to the highest highs and lowest lows. There is so many wonderful things about being with someone in the military and so many hard things too. But, you have to remember why you are with them. You have to remember why you sleep in his sweat shirt every night, why you go through this. Because you love him. You want to see him fly, you want to see him achieve his goals in life, and become somebody. And that comes back to being proud. When you see this, when you hear him talk about boot camp, and how hard he worked to be called a sailor, your feelings of sadness, betrayal and hurt will subside and you will be filled with an overwhelming sense of pride and joy. I promise you dear, we have all felt the way you feel. It is more then normal, but you will soon feel how all of us have felt. And I promise you one last thing... it will be worth it. Every single tear, every sleepless night, it will all feel worth it in the end. The second you are wrapped up in his arms again, the second you see him standing there in his uniform, you will remember, you will know, why you did what you did. And it will all be worth it.

 

Honor, Courage, Commitment. These are three things it takes to be a sailor, AND, to love one.

God Bless,

Rachelle.

 

P.S. feel free to read some of my earlier blogs. i think you will feel very at home with your feelings there. <3