Life... Both Navy and civillian

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Hey N4M...my last blog was a little update on everything that has been going on with Jake and I and the Navy... Here is a little more that has been going on, and a bit of ranting as well.

First off, I would like to say that I apprciate N4M and all the support and love that everyone can find here. Though I have had a few encounters with some not so nice members, I have for the most part made it this far because of you all. So thank you!

It is 45 days until the intened wedding date and Jake has yet to know if his weekend leave is approved. I am sure some of you can imagine the stress we are both feeling. We are currently going through pre-marital counseling via email with the pastor who is going to marry us. It is helping us a lot and I highly recommened that everyone getting married should go through it. We have been SO blessed by family as well as complete strangers in the planning of our wedding and so far have had to pay for near nothing. We were blessed with a very beautiful venue for the ceremony which normally cost 500$. The company granted us the site for free with no explanation. We are very grateful for that. I have been recieving countless small checks from family members and friends, even clients at work (i am a hairstylist) that have helped us SO much in being able to affored a wedding. I bought my wedding dress a few weeks ago and am so in love with it. I cannot wait for Jake to see me walking down the isle. It seems like our wedding is coming together before our eyes. We both feel so very blessed and thankful for this.

Though this part of my life is coming together so nicely, I regret to say that other parts of my life are very much falling apart. It seems friends are dissapearing one by one for one reason or another...Whether it be death or just growing apart...I truly do not feel I have much of anyone left lately. And with Jake so far away, it is hard to not sit and wonder why I feel so alone. I guess this is part of growing up. It seems that the people who I was always so close to are so far away now. My best friends have chosen to go down paths that I will not walk down with them...I thought we were all supposed to be growing up at this age...but apparently we are supposed to be backstabbing eachother and getting into drugs! Seriously...I think I aged too fast or something...I have such an old soul. When me and Jake argue...I always remember that this is why we are together...we are old souls...lost in a world too young for us. I love that about him. I just wish my "friends" would understand that the life they are leading is not a good one. It breaks my heart to see such beautiful people hurt themselves in such ugly ways. Why do girls believe that sleeping around will bring them love? And that talking badly about people means your being a good friend because you are "only saying whats true"....Why do guys think it is okay to come onto girls in relationships, and to cheat on the girls they are with? And the question I will never understand is why do people do drugs...life is so beautiful, why would someone want to live in a false reality? I am scared for this generation. I truly pray that our military personal and our government is ready for what is to come...because I am sure it isn't anything pretty. I know this isn't my place to judge, and I do try not to...I am just so worried about these people who I have grown so close to love, to see the choices they make saddens me. The only thing that gets me through these nights, while they are out "living" their lives, is knowing...that across the country, my fiance is on the same page as me. That we are in this crazy world together.

I pray that all of yours and your sailors lives are happy and full of love. I suppose we must remember that it can always be worse and it can always be better. My dad always said "Expect the worst, hope for the best, close your eyes and jump." I am not sure what tomorrow brings, and if I have enough hope left to see the miricals for what they are. I am not sure if the wedding will go according to plan or if my friends will turn around before they are too far gone. I am not even sure what this life is really all about...But of this one thing, I am sure...We all took a risk when we dared to love a sailor. And because of this...we can make it through anything...

[Rhonda(EMmom)]

I too am an old soul!! You may grow apart from your friends but you will make new ones along the way. Keep praying for them and God will take care of it. I love this web site. As people share their feelings, it's nice to know that we aren't alone with our thoughts. There are others here who feel the same. Good luck to you and Jake! God Bless You, Both!!

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Rhonda,
Thank you so much. I was hoping I wasn't the only one left out there! :) Besides Jake I mean. I was telling the manager at the salon I work at that just need to be friends with 30 & 40 year olds and not people my age because I don't have fun with them. I mostly work with people over 30 and it is somewhat sad that the most fun I have is at work with these girls and not the people my age. Thanks again. God bless. Praying for you and your sailor.
Rachelle.

[Lynne]

Sometimes it does seem like we are far apart from those we love and we watch those we care about make decisions that will impact their lives for years to come but all we can do is love them anyway. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life and finally came to the realization that I can either mourn that loss or be grateful for the gifts I was given by knowing those people. My father died due to his military service, but he taught me to look on the bright side, to smile, to help, to find the laughter. My mother has also gone home to be with the Lord but she taught me strength and tenacity. She taught me I can do and be anything. Currently, my very best friend is battling liver cancer. From her I've learned the gift of courage and grace as she faces the end of her life and saying goodbye to her teenage boys. The bible says that God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. It sounds to me like you have all of those things. May God richly bless you in your marriage and may the navy see fit to go along with your plans.

Lynne

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Lynne,
Thank you. I am sorry to hear that you have gone through hard times. You must be a very strong woman. I believe that good can come from bad situations and am learning to accept my friends disisions and to love them more then I have before. I guess that is what people need to most, love. Thank you again and God Bless.