SO Frustrated with My Son

[2 navy boys]

I am sooooooo frustrated with my son. He's in P'cola and has been since Febuary waiting to class up which probably won't be until sometime in June. He says they've added another month to the length of his class time also. The thing is, he never has any money. No idea what he does with it. He pays his cell phone bill, that's the only bill he has. I made him promise to change his direct deposit from our hometown bank to Navy Federal and open 2 accounts, savings and checking putting 75% into savings, but he hasn't done it. Any suggestions?

[Lonna ship12/unit179]

How old is your son? Do you know how much he gets paid? Does he ask you for $$ when he has none? I know from having a son in the Army that the guys have so much time on their hands that they spend it frivously..my son did this and he was married with a family. My son-in-law is presently in the GL area, he has his pay deposited directly into his account here at home so my daughter (his wife) can manage the $$ and pay their bills. He calls to see what is available and tells her what he needs for spending.

[abbyblue]

make copies of budgetchart and email or tell your son to go online to http://www.navyfederal.org/about/publications/budgetchart.pdf

How to Create a Spending Plan
When a developing a spending plan, allow yourself leeway. Better to plan on spending more than to come up short at the end of the month.

Identify all income, net pay and otherwise.
Identify all expenses, from mortgages to dry cleaning. Keep a log and update as needed.
Subtract expenses from income.
Set aside some money monthly to cover bills due quarterly, semi-annually or yearly (insurance premiums, taxes, etc.). Consider a separate checking or savings account for these expenses.
Decide what you want your money to do. How much savings do you need? Is there something you want to buy? Make a plan and stick to it.

In the service? You could get burned if you lump in military housing and/or food allowances with the “income” part of your spending plan. Both resources can disappear when you are deployed.

[2 navy boys]

Denise (a seabee's mom) Didn't ask for criticism or sarcasm. I was just 'venting'. My son is only 20 and has never been this far away from home or had that much money at one time. My fault that he wasn't better prepared I guess. But if you want to criticize someone for wanting their child or children to have a little more responsiblilty don't do it here. I came to this site looking for support not criticism.

[Anti M]

I was once a young sailor with too much time and money on my hands. Oh, I know the temptations! Yes, I rented hotel rooms in Chicago and ate in fancy restaurants. Yes, I bought a nice stereo. Good thing I wasn't into cars or tattoos. Worst decision? Lending money to friends. For some young men and women, having money to spend is a rite of passage. You just have to stand by them and let them find their own feet when they fall. He'll be fine later. He has a good momma behind him, even if he isn't listening just yet.

As for internet comments, well, you just have to weed through the responses. You'll get ones you don't like, you can choose top let them be posted and ignore them, or block them. Everyone in the world can read this blog, so no telling what responses you may get. I moderate elsewhere and I tell people they have to choose their reactions because they can't choose the replies. I hope that helps. If not, tell me to take a hike, which is your right.

[2 navy boys]

Nope, I don't supply him with any money, don't check his bank account, we don't even get a statement. The only reason I know he's broke is because he calls me complaining because he's broke. I just wanted to know what the heck it is he's spending all his money on when he only has one bill..........That's all.

[abbyblue]

My son calls and says he always needs money who doesnt.........

[2 navy boys]

Must've done something right. He called today to tell me about what he did over the weekend and in the middle of the conversation he said he had his direct deposit changed and opened 2 accounts....a checking and a savings.

[abbyblue]

they work things out on thier own and tell you later not to worry......

[BunkerQB]

The amount we have spent on "fees" (over-draft, transfer, "non-related" institution) for our younger son, we could get one air line ticket to Hawaii. Of course, we can't tell him to be more like his big brother, the sailor - it would just make it worse.

[Lonna ship12/unit179]

I find all of our views and experiences very interesting.....I think our children are on a right of passage, learning as they go. As moms we want to make it all better. As if they were little and we could kiss away the hurts, but with life we cant do that. We can listen, encourage, love them unconditionally..and when necessary dose out the "tough love" as mentioned earleir. My son-in-law had $$ issues...would spend and spend when my daughter and him began their relationship..never thought about the bills or the what ifs. Now he calls home to see what is in the account and what he needs to buy. And she in turn tells him what bills are paid and what is pending. She will even ask about spending on certain items. They are 27 and 28. They do learn in time!