The Navy Mom Club NEW UPDATE 14 APR

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

UPDATE 14 April 2010: Good News/Interesting News

I have written this update numerous times interjecting much humor because, not only do I have to laugh at myself, I have to laugh at my relationship with my sister, as well. So here is the condensed version:

1. Said friend who told me to "Breathe" emailed me today to check in on my daughter. She was concerned that Samantha was having a difficult time with her brother being gone. Her closing line was, "I'm here for you anytime, you know that right?"

I'll give you a moment to ponder the obvious...

And now I'll simply say it. I was wrong. At least about her. And thank goodness I was, because I want her as my friend. Always.

2. I also had a conversation with my sister today. That was far more revealing... Two things she said leapt out at me like a frog at the Calavaras County Frog Jumping Contest:

a. "Do you mind if I don't participate in Samantha's wedding?"

b. "I know you are close with your kids, but can we not talk about them? I just want to talk about sister stuff."

And in case you are curious... No, she didn't ask about Erik

But guess what? I'm over it. I now have clarity & truth; and I can live with that. I have a good friend that lives a half mile away who took the time to check in with me about my children, and a sister 8 hours away who didn't.

So let's move on to happier things...

TOMORROW IS MAIL WEDNESDAY! And I'm-a-gonna post about what my sailor wrote and I hope you will too. Thank you for listening ladies! <3


Earlier this week: WARNING: Post may cause angst.

It seems like every day I am confronted with the knowledge that no one gets "it." No one, but another "Sailor Mom," understands how I feel; except perhaps a "Sailor Dad." It's as if once your son/daughter/significant other enters the Armed Forces you are transferred into a branch of society that most of your peers are not a part of. In my case it's The Navy Mom Club. And I love it.

But it does come with, for lack of a better word, confusion. I am confused by the silence of my "friends" and my family. Confused as to why they never ask how my son is doing; or how I am doing, for that matter. Whether it be on Facebook or in person, the lack of compassionate questions speaks volumes toward the type of people I have invited into my life.

For instance, the other day I posted on my Facebook that I was going to the recruiting office to see if I could obtain my son's address. It was a Saturday and the recruiting office was closed, and before going on to my next errand I posted the results of my trip to my Facebook page via my Blackberry. By the time I got home my "closest friend" posted a one word response. It said, "Breathe." Hmmmm.... What was I to think of such a response?

Given it is difficult to truly understand something that is typed. You cannot hear the inflections in a person's voice or see the expression on their face. But "Breathe?" That's the best she could come up with? It's not that I was crying or psychotic or anything; I simply posted that the recruiting office was closed.

I'm hoping she meant it with compassion, so I'm inviting her to dinner so I can test the climate. I'm sure I will find that she is full of compassion. After all, I saw her through her depression when her daughter got married and moved 2 miles down the road. Yeeeeaaaaah...

Then there is my sister. Family! Surely someone as close to me as my sister would check in with me to see how I'm doing or if I've heard from her only nephew. I know we're close because she always tells me how much she cares and how special I am to her. Uh-huh... Still waiting for that phone call.

I guess when she went through her ten (10) years of chronic migraines and severe depression when I listened to her cry for hours and read her 5,000+ word emails every day about how bad her life was wasn't enough. Perhaps if I had tried harder, listened more and read longer, she would be there for me now, to listen to how proud I am of my son and how much I miss him. Ummmm-hmmmmm...

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps I am. But, truthfully, it has become apparent to me that the only people who can fully understand my predicament is another Navy family, another Navy mom. Everyone else I know can hug their child, can text or call them. But military families don't have that option; and it is a lonely feeling.

(And then there are those who dismiss what you are going through but are oddly curious. It's almost as if they would like to do what my child is doing, but lack some sort of necessary "something" that qualifies them to do it. And frankly, I can respect that, because at least it's honest. But the ones who say they are my friend but literally say nothing after my son goes into the military, now that causes me to re-evaluate who I confide in.)

Currently, I'm in the process of shutting down my Facebook; and I am adopting a Matthew 7:6 viewpoint on my personal life. Meanwhile, we'll see who comes forth and asks, "What's going on with Erik?" or "How ya doing, Mom?"

Let me close by saying this (and it is in all capitals on purpose because I want to scream it):

THANK YOU TO ALL THE NAVY MOMS I HAVE MET HERE FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT; THANK YOU TO THE STRANGER IN LINE AT THE GROCERY STORE WHO SAID SHE WOULD PRAY FOR MY SON AND ASKED THAT I THANK HIM FOR HIS SERVICE, AND THANK YOU FOR THE HOMEOWNER WHO STOPPED IN AT MY OFFICE, WHOSE SON IS IN THE NAVY, FOR THE GREAT CONVERSATION WE HAD ABOUT OUR SONS. I APPRECIATE YOU ALL.

[abbyblue]

HOW

HOW IS YOUR SON YOU ARE OK?

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Thank you Abby Sage. Not the best of days, but I will be fine. One thing I've learned is that things cycle around and I'll be on the upside soon. It's nice of you to check in. I hope you are doing well, yourself. :D

And Paula, thank you, as well. I really appreciate what you said. And two deployments? Wow, I'm impressed. Tell your daughter I admire her, will you? Good job, Mom!

[2 navy boys]

Cynthia, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Even though my son graduated on Feb 26th and we talk almost daily on cell phones, I still miss him terribly and find myself crying in the middle of the night. No one seems to understand even my husband. I don't even post on FB anymore, no one seems to care. The only one I come across who truely knows is my cousin who is truely like my sister. Her son was in the Navy and was on a ship for 2 years in the Persian Gulf. I was surprised the other day when I ordered something for my son and had it shipped directly to him in Pensacola. The confirmation email said "THANK YOU FOR SERVING OUR COUNTRY!" Otherwise the only other true compassion I've found is right here on this site.

[dubbie]

I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I have 2 sisters and neither have called the first time. Whats really bad is my younger sister was in the Navy! I've come to realize later in life that it was mainly to get away from home. My mom and step-dad who was in the navy are both passed away now....THEY BOTH WOULD BE SO PROUD OF THEIR ONLY GRANDSON! My real dad is also reteired from the navy. He is so proud he's about to burst.I'm glad i have him to share all this with. My husband and i were blessed with one heck of a good son. So other than MY dad and MY new found navy family...it does'nt matter about the rest! I can always come to this site and feel like i'm with family.Its amazing how better i feel when i'm done venting and know that the people on this site understand.I would like to thank each of the famlies for there time on this site and please tell your sailors that they are thought of every day. They are also in a lot of prayers.

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Ladies... thank you is all I can say. I am humbled by the time you took to write to me. Each and every one of you had such valuable nuggets and I will read them over and over again and learn from it all. I feel so much better now. I'm sorry that all of you have experienced the same thing, yet you have brought me such insight to what is going on. I will pay it forward.

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

You all rock!