The Word

[jehmke]

Hello all,

 

Well this week has brought with it a bunch of great news!

1) I graduated Tuesday with my Associate's in Business Administration,

and, the BEST news,

2) We got word that my fiance gets to stay in GC! There was a chance he would have to go to NY, but he gets to stay!

 

So, this weekend, we're going apartment hunting. I'm so excited, I can't explain it. Although, I do have some questions.

This being my first apartment, nonetheless the first time I'll be moving out of my parent's house, I'm not exactly sure what to look for in apartments. I've made a checklist from research I've done online, and put my degree to use and researched some apartments online and put some good-looking choices into an Access Database to help us organize and narrow down decisions. I know, extremely nerdy side there.

 

Also, finances. We are planning on moving in together before we get married, as to get to know each other better before we tie the knot. (Our whole relationship up until now has been long-distance.) So, he will get BAH, and I will have a job, but it won't be as great as if we were to get married.

 

I've talked to a few Navy wives that I've met recently, and I feel as if they're trying to push me into marrying my sailor. Don't get me wrong, I want to, I can't wait to, but I want to make sure that what we have is RIGHT, so we don't end up a statistic. I've seen it happen one too many times.

 

Any advice from any Navy moms, wives, fiances, or girlfriends as to what you would do?

And what should I be looking for in an apartment?

 

This news is so good, but now it has my head spinning from all the options it is giving me. :)

 

Have a beautiful day,

 

<3 J

[Anti M]

He should be the one to sign the lease for the apartment.  A couple reasons, one he's getting BAH, his name needs to be on the lease. Two, he needs to make sure it has a military clause so the lease can be broken if the Navy needs him to move. You can be on it too.

 

Talk to him about money early on.  Write up a budget, decide whose pay goes for what, if there will be joint accounts for the apartment and utilities, SAVINGS, and how to handle individual and discretionary spending.  If things don't work out, who pays for what during the split?  Ugly, but should be mentioned.  

 

What to look for in apartments depends on the area, I'm not that familiar with the area, but I'd think neighborhood, noise level, security, parking.  The lease, deposit,  utilities, laundry facilities, appliances.  Then room layout, storage, closets, bathroom. He can get a list from base housing of approved landlords and complexes.  There are some which are not recommended.  

 

Marriage does provide some very concrete benefits, which is why the wives are telling you about it.  I'm sure you know every one of them by now, so I won't go into it.  Talk to him about a timeline, because is you're "going to marry", then there will definitely be optimum times to do so.  They get their verbal orders toward the end of prototype, you will want to be a married dependent before then.  At least a month before he finishes up.  If you still don't know by then, I'd say hang it up.  Trying it out for months sounds like a good idea in your situation.  Dragging it out for years, not so much.  Of course, I don't know either of you, so that's just a quick opinion.  Please ignore it if it does not apply.

[jehmke]

Maria -Thank you!

 

Anti M- We have decided that he is signing the lease for that reason. We're not putting my name on the lease until we get married (if we can do so then), or if we have to renew our lease, but we already know that we're getting married.

 

I definitely didn't know that the base had recommendations for apartments - I'll have him look into that for us!

I also didn't know about being married one month before prototype is over. It makes sense though. I know we wanted to be married before he goes on his first deployment, but I didn't know about an optimal time.

 

I am NOT going to drag it out for years. He wants to be married right away - as in this weekend, when we go apartment hunting. I feel if we make it living together for 3-6 months, then we'll tie the knot. But if things aren't right around that time, then like you said, hanging it up would be a better option.

 

Thank you both for your help! :)

[Anti M]

There is also a middle ground between "right now" and "hanging it up" called couples counseling, which can teach you techniques to achieve living happily together.  Everyone assumes it comes naturally, but sometimes folks with knowledge and experience can teach others good alternatives to conflicts and missed communications.  Family services is good about this.

When he is going to get his orders, the detailer looks at his status.  If he is not married, he gets orders as a single sailor.  A married sailor will have done paperwork and submitted forms which the detailer will see, and they will issue accompanied orders.  That's oversimplified, but you get the idea.  Detailers do not issue orders with fiancees in mind.  So, at least a month before prototype ends.  A little sooner to be on the safe side.