This New Year's Eve is going to make us or break us

[char2008]

Finally after 7 months, boot camp. PIR, A school, halfway through C school I get to see him.  He hasn't been here to support me through any of it and I haven't been there to support him.  Things haven't been good between us, he doesn't call or skype or anything like he should.  I'll admit that I held on for a long time and was an awfully good sailors girl waiting for him to get his shit together and man up.  I almost feel like I have fallen out of love with him.  We aren't engaged so I'm just his girlfriend.  He is in C school in norfolk at the moment. He's coming home for a week to ring in the new year and we have definite plans to meet up. He says he's gonna show up in his sailor blues and I said I'll be waiting in a new dress.  I get to party with his family and everything. But am I really just supposed to melt at his feet and pretend that everything is fine?! I already told him we're not 'doing' anything because I don't hook up and I have a feeling that would feel a whole lot like a hook up if we did. I'm 22 years old and I want some answers and I think at this point I deserve some.  I've stuck it out with him for 7 months and I need to know if he's serious.  I'll be honest I compare every man I meet to him and none compare at all but I can't get hurt anymore.  I don't want to be just a girlfriend anymore if we're going to continue this.

[sailorwifenmom]

Hi,
I''ve been a Sailor at your age, married to one at that age, and am still married to one now :-). Add to that, I have a son (Sailor) who will be 20 this week, and a daughter (college student in another State) who is 18. Right now, both of them are in long distance relationships. (Son engaged, known her about a year, daughter just dating together 2 years, known him 3.)

All that having been said, I have to admit, it sounds to me like this relationship don' t

[sailorwifenmom]

ugh - I didn't mean to hit enter.....

I' m sorry, but I don' t think the relationship you described is going to work as you described.  It takes a lot of work to make a long distance relationship successful, and you BOTH have to be working on it.  It sounds like he isn't.  I know that you have time invested, but If he isn't willing to put into the relationship what he needs to,tattooed just going to get longer, and your situation will likely not change.  (Why should it - If he can blow you off, but have you waiting at home when he's there when he visits, why change?)  

I would suggest maybe considering you and your Sailor talking about officially not being exclusive.  If, after some time dating other people, you BOTH decide that you want to be together, then you can change back and be exclusive again. But in the meantime, or in case that doesn't happen, you aren't putting yourself on hold.

Good luck!  I do hope things work out for you both - whether together or not.  Please keep us updated!  I m not your mom, but as a mom, I worry :-)

[char2008]

Haha bunkerQB your post cracked me up! But I think you could keep me in mind because here's the update:

So he's been pretty quiet about making plans but I know that we did so I got in touch with him yesterday and was like, "Well what's your plan for tonight? When does your plane get in, which airport are you flying into?" "Have you talked to your family?"  And he basically was like I have no plans and haven't talked to my family. And eventually he did and thought it would be a good idea if I met them at this restaurant near the airport and his sister and mom were going to be there too.  And I kindof figured I would be meeting his family so I had this totally cute new outfit picked out. New black leather boots (no heels because I'm already 5'10") with a pencil black leather skirt, and an aqua cowlneck top with a black jacket to go over it. simple jewelry. Everything was going to be so perfect.  I was so psyched.  And then he calls me at 6 and says he missed his second flight in  because the first one sat on the runway for an hour before taking off so the earliest he would be able to be home would be 11. Probably closer to midnight. So basically it's going to be really late. Which then turned into even later because I live four hours away from milwaukee.  And basically we discussed that it would be awkward if I stayed at his parents and he pretty much stayed away from that option.  And like the second one could be delayed too so it could just turn into a really late night. So we just decided that maybe tomorrow (today) we would meet in the dells (which is about an hour away from me).  I was so bummed. But theres nothing either of us could do about it really.  So I went home and was there by 10 and took some nyquil and hit the hay. (Ive got a head cold)  And today I hadn't heard from him at all so I texted him to see if we were still on for today. He said "I dont think so. My family has kidnapped me." And so now, at this point, I'm super pissed.  He says hes sorry and I ask him if he's blowing me off and he says no, that his grandmother has demanded to see him and his mom is driving 45 mins both ways to get him there.  And then he tells me that she has cancer and could potentially die before he gets back again.  I didn't know she had cancer. He hadn't really told me anything about her before. I'm between a rock and a hard place on this one because I can't really get mad at him for visiting his family.  But it feels like hes blowing me off because we havent made any plans as to when, where, or what day we'll do something.  And I've been the one asking him about everything.  Now I did not drive all the way over to milwaukee for just to see him, I was already there because my band had a gig the night before. So it's not like I drove four hours both ways to see him. However, I would've left early yesterday for home and made actual plans for new years eve if I had known this was going to happen.  All of my friends think hes blowing me off and has been stringing me along for a long time.  He knows I work thurs, fri, and sat. So if we're going to do anything at all it's got to be today, tomorrow, or sunday. or I guess one of the days I work but after work, although I really don't want to do that.  I'm half tempted to message him and say that everyone thinks youre blowing me off and if you're not then you need to make plans because I'm really not going to make an effort anymore right now.  The other half of me is tempted to not say anything to him and make plans to get tanked tonight in lacrosse.  But yeah. I'm super upset. Like I can't get mad at him for wanting to visit his family. But he isn't making an effort to include me in on anything. So I'm just super upset. Him and I are not going to do the "nonexclusive thing" because theres just too much invested emotionally on my side of things and its either we're all in or we're not. I'm predicting a storm in the near future. :(

[BunkerQB]

Don't call him. Don't text him. Don't email him. It's OVER and good riddance. But don't get tanked. Have fun meeting new people. Either he is simply not ready for an exclusive with anyone at this time in his life or he wants to check out the field.

I believe forcing a decision from him is not advisable. It almost always get you the result you don't want. So, why don't you start planning for things to do with your friends.

Now, about your trip out to California. Do you have any relatives in CA? Don't worry. We have a separate guest room. Or my boy can come visit you in WI. My nephew just married a gal from WI. He is a pulmonary/critical care specialist and she is a RN. The entire family in a 4 car caravan drove out to San Diego from WI for the wedding. They are from a very small town in WI ......  hmmmm, you know her cousin just finished his 5 years with the Navy - he was an aviation mechanic. I met him at the wedding. He is back home, going to college on the GI Bill. He only wants to live in WI near his family. He is cute. This information is for you in case you are not interested in relocating.

Just do your thing.

P.S. My older son's wife is about 5'9". My nephew's wife is 5'10'. I can feel it.

[Saipan]

You sound just like the kind of girl I hope my son will meet one day. Smart and has some common sense, which isn't really so common anymore.  He's 10 and a half so I have a wait but if you have any little sisters remember me in about 8 years!

[char2008]

:) I don't have any younger sisters. Well I do but she's only a year and a half younger than me. But I do have an adorable cousin who's almost five. hahaha. 

And I don't think I'll be relocating anywhere anytime soon. I've kindof sold my soul to Viterbo U for nursing and have to be there for another 2 years. So I don't think I'll be getting married anytime before then. But after that, who knows. :)