unsettling feelings

[Mark's wife]

I cant help but think what if. I know he's safe and I know he will be back but... what if???? there are so many possibilities and I just cant shut my brain up. I have no idea what any of this is like. Ive been aboard 1 ship and it was cold and dark and cramped and looked like no fun. How am I supposed to think about how they are enjoying themselves when all I can imagine is "if i were stuck there for however many months I'd go crazy!"

I'm tired and hungry and cant seem to get into a pattern or schedule. I dont feel like doing anything but want to do everything. Some days are better than others but its only been a WEEK. Everyone has said that this will pass and that i need to get active and get out there... but where is there? whats next? I feel like I'm at a crossroads with a million ways to turn and I have no idea where to start. It looks like where ever i go I'm still gonna feel like poo. I want to read about the navy life but I'm scared its going to upset me. I want to go to the gym but I feel like such an outsider and a fata$$. I want to go out and meet other military spouses but im so shy!!!! Im lost lost lost :( I feel so bad for my son. I feel like I am being the worst mother ever with all the crying that happens throughout the day. I feel like I should be smiling and happy around him so he doesnt get scared but I just cant keep the tears from streaming down my face. They just bust out... No invitation... no premeditation... just BLAH!!! RAWWWW!!!!

[Anita MA Mom]

Oh my!! I have never been a Navy wife, but was a Navy girlfriend in High school and now a Navy Mom. You have to not constantly think about what he is doing or not doing! You can start you day out with a prayer every day and ask God to give you strength to get through your days without him. Live your life and take care of your son! Your hubby will be fine. He will have lots of stories to tell you and your son!! Be strong ! Keep busy! Start a project that will keep you occupied. I will pray for your peace and happiness!! Good luck to you my friend!

[Lynne]

Well sounds like you are riding the roller coaster, so lets take one things at a time. First, how long will be gone and how old is your son. If he is old enough to understand the concept of time tomorrow make a paper chain. You know the kind kids make in school to decorate the Christmas tree. Make it with the number of links to coincide with the number of days his daddy will be gone. Each day take one of the links off. This will help you and your son visually see the homecoming get closer.

Now this may sound a little uglier than I mean ...but sometimes you have to "fake it till you make it." You probably aren't going to feel like going to the gym, meeting other navy wives, etc. So, you have to do it anyway. You have to to pretend you want to do it, fake it, paste that smile on your face. Get up in the morning. You have a job to do...you have to be a navy wife. Come on...you graduated boot camp in your PIR group...you earned your navy stripes proud and strong. You can do this.

You are at a crossroads, you can choose to be miserable or you can choose to stand up strong and proud and say I am a navy wife and I will NOT lay down. I will NOT be miserable. I will NOT let my husband down. He will protect our country and I will protect our home and family. You can do this.

You do this by asking yourself 5 questions:
1) What is it that you want? Just in case you aren't sure...I'll help you...You want to be a strong and proud Navy Wife. You want to get up every morning with a smile on your face and look forward to the new day and all the things you will accomplish. You want to be a great mother to your child, fun and steadfast. You want to be a part of your Navy community. You want to take care of your family and not only survive but flouish while your husband is gone.

2) What do you have to do to get what you want? You have to get up every morning and get dressed ready to face the day. You have to get your child ready and do your household chores. You have to set 2 goals a day for things you will accomplish. You have to contact the navy wives association. You have to write to your husband and tell him about your plans and what you are doing. You have to keep a diary of your child's changes so that your husband can experience them from afar. (Are you getting the picture - if you need more help...just message me)

3) What do you have to give up to get what you want"
4) What will keep me from getting what I want?
5) How will I know when I get there? (Create a picture of how your life will be when you get what you want, so you can reward yourself, celebrate and come back here and write another blog about how successful you have been!!)

You can do this...you are a Navy wife...we believe in you!!

[Mark's wife]

Once again N4M has come to the rescue. I appreciate all the feedback i get, it really helps. I apply all the advice I can to my daily routine. Anything that has worked for someone else could possibly work for me so I dont bash anything until I try it.
Lynne- my son is 3 and doesnt quite understand the whole time concept yet.. but I did make a paper chain the day my Husband left (more for my own needs, Im a very visual person). I understand the "fake it till you make it" and I am trying very hard to fake it... sometimes the realness of it all comes back to bite me but over all I'm doing pretty good with this... on the out side. As for allll the other advice- dont think Im not doing it, I am, just one step at a time. thank yall for all the info about what goes on on the ship, even though its not glamorous, it helps ease my mind. thank you so much N4M