Advice on Marriage?

[Muggy]

Hi everyone,

I figured this would be the best place to post this question since all of you are so well informed on the subject. My boyfriend is in A School in San Antonio right now. He’s graduating in early January, I believe. He’s been talking about getting married. I’m extremely excited but I have a few questions. I am currently a sophomore at my state university. I’d rather finish my degree so that I can get a job pertaining to what I enjoy in order to help support us when we do end up living together. In the case that I end up sticking with college, when is the best time to get married to ensure a pretty seamless transition out of college and into his life? Should we get married before he graduates from A School? If we do that, could I live with him during my summer vacations from college? He’s been asking around and can’t seem to get a straight answer from his friends. I’d really appreciate some advice on this as well as any other helpful info I should know! Thank you so much.

[Anti M]

Marrying during A school is usually done so the new spouse can move to the new duty station after A school, paid for by the Navy.   If your sailor marries, he would then draw the housing allowance for you.  After school, he'd be expected to maintain a household from that money, and not be allowed to live in the barracks or on a ship (if he goes to one).  They might look very hard at anyone who is married, drawing BAH, and yet the spouse lives elsewhere.  It is not illegal, but it looks a lot like fraud and may be scrutinized. Be prepared for that.  

The Navy no longer considers college for the spouse as a reason to allow "geographical bachelor" status.  You'll hear about it from older sailors, as they used to be able to live in the barracks and still draw BAH for their dependents.  

The best reason to marry before his orders are cut, and that would be SOON, is to reduce the likelihood of his being sent overseas.  That is another kettle of fish, and complicates the housing situation a great deal.  He must be an E-4 to bring dependents, and would probably be housed in the barracks, which makes visiting expensive as dependents cannot stay there.

To marry during A school, he has to put in a special request chit for permission, and you have to go there.  The other choices are to marry during the holiday stand down if he comes home for Christmas, no chit needed, or to marry when he is on leave after A school. He will have unaccompanied orders.

Other factors to consider would be healthcare, and your tuition.  You can always go on Tricare, but having it as a secondary is just a pain in the ass.  What does marriage do to your tuition/financial aid?  

[Muggy]

Thank you so much for the information! The last thing I want to do is make our marriage look like fraud, so maybe we will hold out or I’ll ask him to ask one of his instructors about the situation. I’m currently on a full ride Academic Scholarship at my University, which is majority of the reason why I feel staying to complete college is so imperative. I know he really wants to marry me and I’d love to, but I thought it best to get input first as I know things aren’t so easy regarding marriage. Thank you so much for your reply. It was very informative.

[Anti M]

The fraud thing is weird, it can be a non-issue one day, and then someone will get a bug up their bum about your business.  Mostly a word of caution before proceeding.  LOL, and all instructors are not experts on military marriage.  Many were not married during school, or haven't stayed on top of current policies.  The atmosphere can be very anti-marriage from some of them too.  Your sailor should know enough to get several opinions, and to check what is in the regs.  

It may take time to get to where you want to be, so a long engagement is not always a bad thing.  The housing money is so very attractive many couples make the jump sooner than later.  Every situation is unique, so you both have to decide when the timing will benefit you both the most.