Got Letters, Feel Worse :(

[Momof7]

I got letters from my SR today and boy, he is really down. He is disappointed in himself already because he didn't pass the prone float and has to keep working on it. He passed the run (what I was worried about) in 12:10 but only did 42 pushups which he is disappointed in. He's in a push division so he's already in boots and NWV's (don't know what that is) and he's stressed because he has a shorter time to train. He kept saying he doesn't want to be there and I know the early weeks are tough but he said the only thing keeping him going is knowing the sooner he gets through, the sooner he'll get to see us. 

At the time of his writing, he hadn't gotten any letters from me so I'm HOPING that my letters will help some. I tried to be super upbuilding and encouraging and told him I was praying for him. 

I feel so bad for him. I knew it would be hard and so did he, but he's struggling. Maybe he'll get to call this weekend and that will help. Ugh, it never gets easier, does it? 

The line that killed me was when he said, "I know you had high hopes for me, but I'm only starboard watch and I'm disappointed in myself". Poor kid! 

[BMTNurse]

I'm sending to the address his recruiter gave me. I realize this may have changed, but it will get to him eventually. I'd rather late than not at all and at least I feel like I'm doing something.

[Kim]

I know how hard it is...wondering how they are, not knowing. It gets better. My daughter has been in Navy for 1 year now and she has gained so much confidence in herself...after persevering. I just told her yesterday to think about how far she has come from day 1 in boot camp (me too). She was in a push division as well. Keep praying, writing, and encouraging. Praying for your SR. We did Sandboxx and regular mail. She said her group all cried when they first received their letters. A mixture of emotions, but most emerged stronger.

[CarlaB]

Momof7 - I second the Sandboxx recommendation. My son has gotten all my letters very quickly and I have used Sandboxx for all. It is a little pricey, but worth it in my opinion.

The first letter I got was the same way. It started with "I know I said I wasn't going to write, but this is harder than I expected." I now know that is pretty common. I got a phone call a couple days later, and I could sense he was not feeling upbeat then too, but the letters got better, and my next phone call he sounded so much better.

Just keep sending him encouragement, remind him he's got this, and send some pictures. My son has now told me that the letters help a ton, and the days he gets mail are by far the best days of the week! We are two weeks away from PIR now and I can't wait to give him a big hug and high five.

[belovedbyHim]

Momof7-- The first letters and phone calls are often hard!! No matter what they do they fail (Always something wrong) those first few weeks. Keep sending him encouragement and positive words no matter how much your heart is wanting to say otherwise. It does get better and yes being in a Push division is a little more stressful but at this point he is in the swing of things and his training is at the same pace as everyone's and it should start getting better! I wouldn't spend too much on extra letters since once you get the address they get them about as often as any other mail service (If you mail daily they get them daily...)
Heads up that the first phone call may be rough too!! He may be in tears, he may sound awful (Illness or homesick), He may ask if you want him to come home or if you'll be disappointed in him if he fails out. Just keep your voice encouraging and upbeat. Tell him you are proud of him and remind him that they need to break him down as an individual so they can build them up as a team of US Navy Sailors. Yes it is hard, Yes it sucks, yes you miss him but you know he is tough and will give it 110% and you will be proud of that no matter the outcome! Remind him you are praying for him and that it won't always be like this. Only Starboard Watch is still a good thing... He's not in the brig so he can hold his head high and with pride! He is doing something that the vast majority of people refuse to even attempt! How can he be disappointed in that? Heck I'm not his mom and I'm proud of all these young men and women who willingly sign up to defend our country. You can tell him Thank you from me!

[Momof7]

Thank you so much. I guess I need to buck up myself to get through these next few weeks and not allow myself to get discouraged because he's looking to me for strength, I'm his mom! Having a son that is 18 and supposedly "grown" makes me realize that they are all just kids and they want their mom to make everything better! I wrote him another letter cheerleading him and reminding him this is normal. It is apparent that this is going to be an emotional roller-coaster for the next 5 weeks! But it's only 5 weeks, could be worse! I know I won't get more letters until next week so hopefully by then he'll have passed his swim test and not have that to worry about at least. I knew I should have taught him that, darn! Oh well, he's a big boy and he can do it! 

[stepho]

Momof7 my son's letters sound pretty similar. I just keep encouraging him and expect that this will get better over time. Hugs to you! (And additional prayers for your SR.)

[belovedbyHim]

It's hard Momof7. For their whole lives we have been there to either make it better or hold them when we couldn't and now they are off on their own and there is not one damn thing we can do because they thought they were ready to be all grown up and adult and join the Navy!! It is a tough balancing act for sure!! On the one hand you are so proud of them and want them to succeed and on the other you want to slap them and ask just what they were thinking and on the other, other hand you just want to hold them and make it all better!! That is where this site comes in!! You can vent, cry, scream, say all the stuff you "really want to" here so that you don't say it to him. You can borrow our strength to get you through the rough parts and encourage you when you don't know where to turn because the "real" world doesn't understand! We have been/ are in the road you are on. We get it and we are here! Yes some days you just need to pull on your big Navy mom britches and buck up but other days you need us to come along side you and keep you afloat for a bit. We are here to do just that!! He'll get it and so will you!! After all you must be strong, You raised a US Navy Sailor Recruit!!

[RaksAndRoll]

My daughter hasn't left for BC yet, but I've been reading these posts.  I see a pattern that the first few weeks seem to be the worst!  That's when communication from the SRs seem to be down, discouraging, sad, maybe even a little regretful.  And then BAM, sometime around the middle of BC there is a turnaround.  I assume this is just the nature of BC, right?  They are broken down as individuals and built up as a unit.  I guess all we CAN do as parents is to try our best to encourage them, show them that we have faith in them as adults, and will support and love them whatever they do.  

[ellen0502]

It is not uncommon for the first few weeks for your recruit to hate it, be homesick, seem depressed etc. It is the process of boot camp. They break them down to build them up. It also helps them weed out those that should and will be Sailors from those that won't and shouldn't be. Things do start turning around for them around the fourth week of training. Letters and phone calls will be much more positive.

My son was also PUSH back in 2012. Just keep up the encouragement, let him know it will get better as time goes on. Keep writing those letters everyday. Write letters to him as though they were written by his car, his pet, his bedroom, etc. Make them upbeat and funny.  Perhaps his bedroom is glad there are no more stinky socks on the floor, his pet now gets fewer treats, or his car is not getting washed enough and is not happy about it.

Hang in there things will turn around!

[Momof7]

Thank you for the advice, I went out and bought a couple (non-glitter) cards that had plain white envelopes, going to send them here and there. I know he's strong, I hope he knows it. 

The letters he wrote to his brothers were so much more upbeat than the one to me, I'm sure he's venting to me more than anything. He said at the end, "I won't quit but this is the hardest thing I've ever done" 

But he just has to finish and he'll never have to do it again!