Son ignores phone calls/letters from home....

[becciquilter]

My son started school in October and we didn't hear anything from him until he came home for Christmas.  I made him "pinky swear" that he would stay in closer contact.  While I know school is demanding and keeping him busy, could it really keep him so busy that he wouldn't call home for my birthday?  I knew I would get a phone call on Mother's Day, but so far haven't heard a word.

 

Is this normal behavior?  He hasn't contacted anyone from home.  I've checked the cell phone records and he's only called Papa John's (no relative!!!)  I'm planning a trip to Goose Creek around the first of June to try to find his carcass. I've gone from being upset to just plain old mad!  If he's this bad about communicating, what's it going to be like later?

 

p.s. This isn't the first time he's been away from home.  When he went out of state to college, he was better about staying in touch.  Of course, those phone calls were necessary if he wanted to keep the $$ in his school account.

 

What should I do?  What would you do or what have you done to reach your sailor?  I had written a letter to the Commanding Officer a month ago, but didn't receive an answer from him either. I am grateful that we haven't had a real emergency or death in the family or this would have really driven me off the deep end.

 

Also, what do you tell people when they ask how's he doing? I've had a great family friend send him cookies a couple of times and she's never heard if he's even eaten them. My last package was returned as he wouldn't/couldn't get to the Post Office to pick it up.

 

Help!!

 

Becci

[Dotsy -Chris' Mom Nuke EM]

Becci - I am so glad that you did get to talk to him. I have been checking back on this discussion just to see if you had finally gotten to talk to him. Chris and I even read thru some of these and his remark was that "some people just react differently to stress and change" so maybe that is what is going on with Matt.

I too keep all sailors in my prayers and the families of those 2 sailors - it just really makes you thankful for your son/daughter. And you are right - very scary!!

[Virginia]

Becci, What school is your son in? My son does not call as much as I would like. I know he get my message and he can tell on his cell when I call. but he will call if there is something he has to tell me and that is the only time he call. It is on his time. He just got out of power school and is on hold for 3 or 4 mo. he is calling a little more now. He is a little better he come home every long week end but when he does he stay with his friends more than home. I know he likes what is going on with his friends then seting around with his dad and me. He does have a car

[algerine]

I have a question for all of you - because of the lack of communication, I'm not even sure where my son is as far as A School or Power School. How long does A School last? I know he finished BC on March 5 and went to GC about a week later. I think I'm going to take Becci's advice and call my 'new' daughter-in-law, I did get her number. Not sure what I'll say .... I'll keep it light and normal. I just would like to feel like I at least know where Tyler is in the progression of this whole thing! Thanks for any info .... and if anyone has any suggestions on what to say if I call, I will appreciate it!

[Dotsy -Chris' Mom Nuke EM]

A School is 6 months. He probably classed up for A School with-in 1 wk to 4 wks after getting to GC. A School would be 6 months from the class-up date. Depending on when he graduates A School - there is also a hold time (t-track) before going into Power School (which is another 6 mos). My son graduated Boot camp on Dec. 4th and got to GC, but didn't start A School until Jan. 4th due to holiday stand down. He just graduated A School on June 11th and started Power School on July 8th. Hopefully this gives you an idea of where Tyler is in the procession of things.

Maybe you can just call your DIN and tell her the truth that you just want to know how he and she are doing and how he is doing in school and when he graduates, etc.

Good Luck.

[Pat L. in IL]

Algerine, A school for MM's is 14 weeks, for EM's and ET's is 24 weeks. For all, Power School and Prototype are 24 weeks each. For what it's worth about the phone call........just ask normal questions, How are things, Do you like Goose Creek, you know. Best of luck!!

[Dotsy -Chris' Mom Nuke EM]

Thanks for clarifying Pat L., I just automatically thought EM - because that is what Chris is.

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Hi Algerine! I read your other post where you said that your son turned 19 and he got married and you found out on facebook. You also said that he had been dating this girl for a year- so do you know who she is? If so, that might make the call a bit easier. I agree with the others- just call and keep it light and see where it goes. If you call during the weekday, your son might be at school, so maybe his wife would be willing to give you some information. If that goes well, you could always call back and speak to your son.
I'm hoping that your DIL will be very understanding of your concern and love for your son and that that first conversation will open up the lines of communication between you and the couple. Be sure to ask his class # and his next graduation date (that way you can connect with others in that class or grad. date on here). Keep it "positive" and don't dwell on the fact that you haven't heard from him or ask "why." If she likes you on the phone, she might be a key player in getting him to open up and be receptive to contacting you and and keep "them" staying in touch with you. All my best! I seriously hope it all works out well for you! We are here for you!!! Please let us know how it works out! : )

[algerine]

Thanks everyone for the advice and support! I did call my DIL this evening, no answer. I left a message - upbeat, casual just asking how things are going, how's Charleston, need anything? I ended w/ I'd try again in a few days.

Cindy - I did know her when they first started dating. We were in NC, planning on moving to CO after Tyler graduated. He had a scholarship here waiting for him. About March/April, he started showing interest in the Navy, which took me a little adjustment and then I was totally supportive of. It seems like we were packing the house up and all of a sudden, he was signed up. He came out here for a few weeks, we had a great time together, and they had actually broken up. He went back to NC to decide where he would stay until December (DEP) and the next thing I knew they had moved in together. His dad still lives in NC, so I assumed he would be staying with him until BC. Anyway, everything seemed to happen so fast. Here it is, a year later, and I'm wondering what happened.

I so appreciate Becci and everyone else in this group for giving me perspective on this!! Most importantly, I want Tyler to be happy. I'm sure we'll get back in contact eventually. It's just hard letting go so unexpectedly. Anyway - thanks again everyone. I'll let you know if I make progress : )

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Super news! Good going, Mom!!!!! Hey, if nothing else, you can feel good knowing that you reached out and tried. Your message sounds sweet and inviting. Good job! Please let us know if you are able to connect with your son and DIL. Sending good thoughts your way. ((HUGS))
Cindy

[becciquilter]

Hey Virginia - sorry it's taking me so long to get back to you. He's in Power School now and is an ET (which I think means Extra Terrible about calling)!! Matt quit using his cell and since I was paying the bill, I finally had it cut off. Why is your son on hold for so long? Does he know if he's going to Prototype in New York or stay at Goose Creek?

I laughed when you said your son liked to hang out better with his friends - how normal is that?!

Hope to hear back from you --
becci

[becciquilter]

I was just wondering why there's so much studying and really no time to engage in any normal activity? What I mean is, if I'm going to make you work so hard, shouldn't I at least give you a little time to decompress? I know, I'm thinking like a mom with her heart on her sleeve who doesn't want to see her baby so overloaded. And you'd be partially correct. I'm just wondering how much material is retained if someone is constantly cramming in new material. I know this is how it's always been done, but I was just wondering.

You can call me the 'Wonder" girl if you like, or just nuts. I would have thought during Tack there would have been time to call home. I know some of the sailors managed to - Matt said he just didn't feel like it. Hmmmm - how do you think he'll look in his uniform without a head? I am definitely going to pinch it off!!

b

[josephsproudwifey]

well said :) I know how you feel, except I don't get 3 hours a day. The hubby is in power school on 30 tacks and so the earliest he gets home is 10. I am getting used to it, and just trying to be supportive.I know he is doing this for us.