Son ignores phone calls/letters from home....

[becciquilter]

My son started school in October and we didn't hear anything from him until he came home for Christmas.  I made him "pinky swear" that he would stay in closer contact.  While I know school is demanding and keeping him busy, could it really keep him so busy that he wouldn't call home for my birthday?  I knew I would get a phone call on Mother's Day, but so far haven't heard a word.

 

Is this normal behavior?  He hasn't contacted anyone from home.  I've checked the cell phone records and he's only called Papa John's (no relative!!!)  I'm planning a trip to Goose Creek around the first of June to try to find his carcass. I've gone from being upset to just plain old mad!  If he's this bad about communicating, what's it going to be like later?

 

p.s. This isn't the first time he's been away from home.  When he went out of state to college, he was better about staying in touch.  Of course, those phone calls were necessary if he wanted to keep the $$ in his school account.

 

What should I do?  What would you do or what have you done to reach your sailor?  I had written a letter to the Commanding Officer a month ago, but didn't receive an answer from him either. I am grateful that we haven't had a real emergency or death in the family or this would have really driven me off the deep end.

 

Also, what do you tell people when they ask how's he doing? I've had a great family friend send him cookies a couple of times and she's never heard if he's even eaten them. My last package was returned as he wouldn't/couldn't get to the Post Office to pick it up.

 

Help!!

 

Becci

[Kris, Stevens mom]

Becci - I'm so glad you finally heard from your son, I know how heartbreaking it can be..
as far as so much studying it depends on how they are doing academically. my son has been on voluntary hours for studying but a friend of his was on 35 mandatory hours a week, that was 35 hours above and beyond the time they were in school during the day. he said the guy had a wife & kids (even a new baby), said he left his house by 5am and diddnt get home until around midnight, its really alot of work, plus they still have to do PT and have room & uniform inspections, etc. unfortunately my son does enjoy his "down" time quite a bit - going out, etc. sometimes i think thats why it goes in spurts how oftern i hear from him.
anyway as hard as it is for me sometimes i try to be upbeat, positive, interested and loving when we do talk (i might have posted this to you somewhere else on N4M I dont remember, sorry if i did {its an age thing I'm sure lol - my husband calls my "grey" hair silver threads of wisdom})

[becciquilter]

I always wondered what the silver threads in my hair were!! LOL! I found a birthday card last week that was just too good to pass up (hey, I was laughing so hard in Target that I bought the card so they wouldn't think I was loony tunes!) Anyway - even though Matt's birthday is in November, I went ahead and mailed it (I lose stuff to easy!). In the card I did say that I knew this was going to be really early - now he know's his mother has gone over the edge!

I didn't know the room inspections continued past boot camp, so I'm really thankful for the information you've passed on. You might have told me earlier to keep sending positive, loving notes, but with my memory - I do good to remember to go to work (what day is this? Is today Sunday?). So - you can remind me anytime - it'll always sound good! Matt has a super photographic memory - to the point where he asks me who he inherited it from. Wish I could remember a good snappy answer to that!! I've been wondering if he's had to put in extra study hours.

b

[josephsproudwifey]

Becci-
Hi, I am a mm's wife who is in power school. I just wanted to say that I am sure your son isn't doing this delibrately to you. My husband goes in at 5:30am and gets home at 10pm, shoves some food in his mouth, and falls in bed. On the weekends he goes in 8 hrs a day. The hours are incredibly long and tiring. And it is eaiser for him, since he at least has me to cook, clean, and get his uniform ready for him each day. I can't imagine the single guys having to do all that on their own on top of school work and stress. I think it is hard for them to even explain to us all they go through during the day, so that might be another thing. They also have lost several classmates recently to suicide, which is an added stressor that is hard to talk about. I would just say be patient, though I know it's hard ( I feel like I am alone most days and miss talking to my husband, and I live with him!) It will probably get much better when he gets to his first duty station. This is the HARDEST school there is and the worst part in their careers. Try not to get mad at him because these guys work so hard and are so stressed and really need all of us to simply support them, even when it nearly kills us.
Best of luck to you and your sailor, I hope this helped to explain it a little more and how it is since I see a lot of it from a wife's perspective.

[becciquilter]

Actually - you've given me great insight. Thanks for helping me see the life from the other side of the fence. And you have US at least to complain to if you want. I'm finding some of the best advice and suggestions from this forum. I've also found that the ones who have gone through this, really KNOW what it's like. Thanks for telling me what it's like to be the wife of one of the ones who are going through this now.

I hope your hubby gets a great duty station. I found out that Pat L.'s son has been assigned to Hawaii. I still think we should all go over and visit. I hope you get the station of your dreams and may you and your hubby have many many happy years together. That's my wishes for you!!

becci

[josephsproudwifey]

Thanks very much! I get a lot of support from this site as well. I actully met other wives on here before we got down here, which was helpful. They understand what I'm going through ( even though my husbnd is on 30 extra hours which is worse than most of those lucky girls whose hubbys re on 20s or 15s lol)

We have been working on our dream list for our next duty station, and I would love Hawaii! It is our third choice though behind washington and Georgia because those two have 3 month deployments instead of 6 (for subs) so I want my hubby home as much as possible! I have heard that A LOT ( like 75 percent recently) of guys have been getting hawaii, though, and I figure at least if I have to be stuck somewhere without my husband, it would be a wonderful place to be!

Thanks for the good wishes!

[Casey~ Ryan's Wife, Nuke ELT MM2]

josephs, that was a great way to relate your side of the story - and it was all so true! :)

[algerine]

Thanks to the wives who wrote and gave us insight on what's going on in a normal day of Nuke school. I know that has to be challenging for you, your sailors are lucky to have you there for support!

[drewmom]

This is somewhat on topic...but with an optimistic thought...our son is going to be finishing power school in a few months, and we would like to buy him ( graduation gift) a lap top or netbook ( right now he and his wife share one) . The thought of this gift is that he will be able to write everyone ( yes...I know that he will only write his wife..but a Mom can dream right? And I will get my news via D.I.L anyway!!!) He is vol for subs, so is this not really going to be of use to him? I am not sure? Please let me know...and shhh to all of you that are friends ( in real life) with my son and his wife!!! I would like to make it a surprise.

[becciquilter]

Cool - can't wait to see what other's write in about!!!

[Laura]

He can still use it while on land. Ask her about gift cards for NEX -- they have some great deals on laptops. Dell also has a great deal at times for computers with laptops and printers at a special rate for military. He can order them and get extra discount, while you cannot (unless of course you or your hubby are active duty military retired). Just a thought.

[algerine]

OK everyone - I've looked through all these posts again, just to get perspective on why a sailor would choose not to let his family know anything about how he's doing. It doesn't make sense to me, but it is nice to read the posts and try. I understand school is demanding. I understand he's learning a whole new way of life. I also have to realize he got married right after PIR, without even letting us know. Now there's a wife I hardly know, and she won't return calls or letters either. I've tried to stay patient, send positive letters, leave positive voice mails, and I have heard nothing for almost 9 months. I am thankful I have a very busy job that keeps me pretty occupied most of the time. If I go to Charleston - even to just take them out to dinner - would it be a mistake? Can I even get on the base where the married housing is? I'm sorry to vent and whine..... I am at the end of my rope!

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Algerine- First of all, I am so sorry that they aren't returning your calls. I have no idea why that is. When I went to Power School grduation, we were there a few days before and picked up our son on base. We dropped him off at a friend's house in base housing to get his friend's car he was borrowing. The road to the Nuke School was completely open and there wasn't any check point for us to get into that area. We just drove on in. There is a bar called "The Dive Bar" and a bowling alley and then a mini Nex. After that, the road curves around into the base housing streets. The problem for you will be if they answer their phone when you get there. It sounds like you have their address, so I guess you could call first and then just show up. Is that what you were thinking of doing? I would hate for you to get all the way there and not get to see your son. They have mandatory study hours in the evenings, so actually catching him at home might be tricky. Maybe leave them another phone message and tell them that you will be in Charleston on a certain weekend and that you'd love to take them out to dinner, but you'd like to know if and when that would be possible. It is worth a try!!! ((HUGS))
Cindy