How we have fun with the new guys in the fleet ~

[Craig]

So what else do we do to the new guys when they get to the ship to meet the crew?

We send them on errands for useless items that don’t exist. We'll send them everywhere to find some of the below items.  Us guys on the topside of the ship will send them down to the mess cooks, they will say "We don't have that, you need to go to the Enginemen, Welcome aboard!". They get to the Enginemen and they will say "We don't have that, go to the Signalmen, Welcome aboard". And it continues until you finally realize that you're just meeting the crew. By the time your figure out what's truly going on, you have explored the entire ship.  Here are some of the items we send them for, some of them you'll understand, some of they you won't..... Yep they will say “Hey I’m here for xxxxx”

2 by 4 stretcher
10ft of fallopian tube
10 feet of <commercial> air-line  (United, Delta, Southwest)
100 feet of flightline
AC battery
A runaround (sent all over the place; "runaround") 
Big weight/wait (same effect as a long wait)
Bit bucket for the bits lost when the computer system crashes
Blinker fluid/indicator fluid (car mechanics)
Box of grid squares
Box of sparks for spark plugs 
MM Punch (naval - popular on ships with 1200 lb. plants, and huge knuckle-dragging Machinest Mates (MM); don't specify whether to ask for the left or right punch; a smart MM will suggest taking both "just to be sure")
Bucket of steam
Bucket of compressed air
Chem-Light batteries (these are the breakable ones that chemical react and make light)
Compass Oil
Compass wrench
Copper magnet
Data packets
Dry water
Elbow grease
Find the Golden Rivet (naval - the golden rivet was supposedly the last rivet installed, give them a general location to look, and they will be looking for hours, it doesn't exist)
Fire warmer
Frequency grease (if the radar sounds too squeaky), if the new guy brings anything back it's low frequency grease and you needed high frequency grease
Gig Line (A gig line is how the seams of your shirt should line up with pants seam)
Glass axe
Glass hammer
Glass magnet
Grape grater
Green oil for the starboard lamp (naval)
Hard punch
Holes for hole punches
Hose Stretchers 
5in 54cal report (ordnance)  (a report is the sound you hear (BOOM) (the combination of the sonic boom, the vacuum release, and burn of powder)
ID-ten-T form (ID-10T - very popular IDIOT)
Jet Blast Compound (aviation)
Key to the vapor lock
Learning curve (draftsman) 
Left-handed paint roller
Left-handed punch/right-handed punch (these errands are painful)
Long stand ("long stands" exist in the clothing industry, they also mean you’ll be standing for a long time!)
Long weight (storeskeepers goes away for a while to "look" on his return he says "was that long enough?")
Mercury rods/discs (mercury is liquid at room temperature)
New cursor for the computer (IT)
Non-conductive cardboard
Paper-stretcher
Peedo-file (on a written chit - pronounced "pedophile")
Polka-dot paint
Prop Wash (aviation)
Recharger for the sound-powered phone batteries
Relative Bearing Grease for the compass
Requisition the Supply Officer for 1000 Gas Tight Envelopes
Roll of film for the digital Camera
Sending someone to the Chiefs' mess to turn off their lights when "darken ship" is piped (The Chiefs will just go crazy having a E2 telling them what to do)
Shore line stretcher
Socket for round nuts
Some snew (the newbie usually asks "What's snew?" You respond, I don’t know, what's snew with you?
Sonar grease (for when it sounds a bit "squeaky")
Squeegee Sharpener
Striped Paint
The lost document file
Virtual ram for the computer network server
Waveguide stretcher (radar operators)
White ink for the inkjet printer
Winter grade air for winter tires
Wire stretchers
Wiremesh watering can
Yard of chow line
Yard of shoreline

Now you civilians know something unique. Again, you will never hear about this. But just like family, you let your own family in on the joke so they can enjoy it too. My son was raised around my Sailor friends, so he knows all the things we do… There is 100’s of them…. Hope you enjoy knowing this…. And after your Sailor has been on the ship for a couple months, ask them if they have already stood “The Mail Buoy Watch”…..

[Sandy's_sailor son]

Craig, I think this is a good idea. My dad used to work on oil rigs and they used to do the same thing to new employees.

[Lydia (For B - The Sea is Ours)]

Im printing this out for my son too.... hahah - keep him a few steps ahead maybe lmao

[lacbdave]

Will print this for my girl too lol

[DeidresmomDebbie(ship11-Div295)]

Oh too funny, my daughter will be on a carrier i hope she gets to meet everyone like that LOL I know i would love it myself!!! Too hysterical!