I need some advice....

[LittlePonyExpress936]

So I just found out that my sailor will be stationed in Japan, and that's a long ways a way from Rhode Island. We've been dating for four years now and I'm currently in my second year of college. I dont want to decide anything big over the phone and Im just gathering my thoughts until he comes home from A School late Oct/ early Nov. As of right now Im thinking of just finishing school and doing the whole long distance relationship thing. And then when Im done I can move out there with him... He'll be in Japan for 2 to 4 years. I don't not want to be with him but every time I try to talk to him about it I just get upset and angry with him. I'm really miserable, i feel like ive not only lost my BF but Im losing my best friend. We've talked about marriage but we've both agreed that we would decide after his first deployment to see how things go. I think things will be fine but then again 2 to 4 years is a long time. Do you think im making the right choice? Do they get to come home frequently? Im a wreck hahaha

Thanks guys <3

[AllieNJ]

Sailors who are in Japan do not get to come home as often as other duty stations, just because it takes so long to get home and costs so much money. I think that it is a good idea to wait to get married, and that two years will come and go before you know it. Maybe you could go out and see him on your breaks from school?

I have to add though, that the best advice that anyone ever gave me is that "life is too short to be apart from the people you love"

[jesspoo05]

i am really sorry that you have to deal with all of this! i am sure it is really hard! i am glad that you don't want to decide things over the phone. it is easier in a situation like this to talk in person! are you upset and angry at him or the situation? it is very different. i am sure it is more the situation.
i do think that you should finish school. and if he is only there for 2 years that you may be done around the same time. if you decide to put your school on hold you may never go back. is there a way you could do school online or anything if you decided to go with him?
waiting to get married is prob a good idea. how long have you been together. and waiting to see how it is after his first deployment is a mature idea. but my BF told me that a chief told him that the navy just accelerates your life. so what ever was going to happen will turn true, just faster....
if you can go out and see him while he is there, that would be great. but just like it is hard for them to come home because of time and money. it may be very hard for you, a person in school, to get the money to see him too....
2 to 4 years is a very long time. what if he is there only 2.5 yrs or 3 yrs. would you be able to move there and move all your stuff back. if you aren't married by the time he gets his orders to come back the navy wont pay for your move. it maybe be pretty pricey. not trying to be a downer just saying....
i do wish you all of the best of luck!!! keep us posted.... but i also really do agree with allie. life is short! eat your dessert first.... ie be with what makes you happy!

[SailorsSweetheart]

My boyfriend just left for Japan a week ago, his orders will be up in a little over 3 years. I completely get being angry and upset whenever you talk about it. I don't know if it's just a general anger at the situation or at him (for me it was anger at the situation that we were being put into). I was terrified at the idea of him being so far away and not knowing how communication would be or when we would be able to see each other. I think finishing school is in your best interest and that you give it some time to figure out whats going on with him before deciding to move. (my boyfriends boat will be out of port 8-10 months out of the year so moving would be difficult because he wouldn't be there even 1/2 of the year. They do not get to come home as often but I think you are making the right choice in waiting to figure everything out as it comes. What ship will he be on? It's been sooo helpful to have girls who have husbands or boyfriends over there to talk to. Also, Skype is a god sent! Invest in a webcam and mic if you don't already have one.

Most of all, enjoy the leave time he has! take lots of pictures and try (as hard as it might be) to not dwell on the fact that he's leaving it will be one of the best times. It's hard but there are many people who do it and it only makes them stronger. Don't try to hold your emotions in because they will all come out sooner or later and make sure to set up plans for after he leaves because keeping busy is key.

Were always here =)

[nicole~a sailors girl(:]

FINISH SCHOOL!!! don't quit school! It would be the worst..Especially with the fact that your boyfriend is now in the military...If all goes well and you get married you will be flip flopping everywhere under the sun..so you want to be able to snag a good job because you have education..y'know?
If you've been together 4 years, there's clearly something wonderful there.
"Together for always and never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart"
Skype does wonders. Save up and Vacation to see him. Moving to Japan is VERY pricey, and you don't get much for your money. (Done research for a project on Japan in school, LOL)
I would just take vacations to see him, because like said above, chances are he will be out to sea some of the time.
Just hang tight and see where things take you..You'll know exactly what the right decision is when the time is right.(:
Everyone is here for support girl, Theres some ladies who's loved ones have already had theirs in Japan, or are in Japan.
Like Sailors Sweetheart.
Best of luck to you and you Sailor:)

[megd]

Hey - Im not sure if this makes the decision any easier, but sailors under E4 are not allowed to bring their wives or dependants to Japan... even if you did get married you would not be able to get a visa:( Join the girlfriends, wives, and fiances group - the group leader was stationed there for years and she can answer any questions. Good luck with everything,

[navywife'E ship9div16 PIR 12/3]

finish school online & live with him in japan! it'd be an adventure! college degree's are not what they were 10 years ago..4 years to be with someone is a long time. 2-4 years without someone is even longer. i say go with your gut intuition, if it were me, i'd finish school online & live in japan! think about it, isn't it worth it to be with him? the militart life is all about sacrafice.

[Anti M]

I was stationed in Japan for 12 years, so I can tell you some of the nuts and bolts. I hope I can give you some information which will be helpful.  You are in a tough spot, so I understand your anger.  Hang in there.

 

1.  E-3 and below cannot take a dependent to Japan.

 

2. He already has his orders, so even if you marry now, you will not be "command sponsored", which is required to get a resident visa, housing, and permission to have all the privileges of a US military dependent in Japan.   His orders are unaccompanied,  it will cost the Navy plenty of money to change that.  You can get married and he can apply for you to join him, but those waivers are being denied more often than not.

 

3. You may visit him in Japan, expensive and difficult to plan around his ship's schedule.  Well worth saving up for though.  Get your passport now.  Always good to have one anyway.  Of course, you cannot go to Japan and just live there.  They have immigration laws, just as we do, and it is crushingly expensive without the Navy's support.  You can try to get a job teaching English, that's always a fascinating option. Be careful of scams.

 

4.  He earns 30 days of leave each year. However, ships rarely grant that much time all at once, and rarely during good times which will fit your schedule. They normally get a week or two off all at once. Especially the new guys.  It sucks, sorry.

 

When I married my husband, we were both active duty.  He was on a ship out of Sasebo (southern Japan) and I was stationed at Yokosuka (near Tokyo, in the middle).  He wasn't allowed to come up to see me without taking leave, and his ship rarely gave him any days at all because of Desert Shield.  I couldn't go down there, I had rented a house where I was. We saw each other a total of 28 days in two years.  It was hard, we didn't have the internet or cell phones then.  But we made it.  So I know it can be done.

 

I'd say finish school if you have the means.  You can still get married if the two of you think that would be easier, even if you have to be apart.  He'd get BAH for you in the states.  Of course, don't mess up any of your scholarships. 

 

A career as a military spouse is difficult.  What field are you in, if I may ask? I finished one of my degrees at the University of Maryland University College.  They offer a limited number of degrees overseas, on base, accelerated study.