Son not the son I know...

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

If it were not for the fact that I am just about to the point of desperation I wouldn't be writing this.  My 19 year old son ships out on 03/28/11; we have been knowing the date since late Nov/early Dec 2010.  I found that as time progresses he is getting more and more distant and has gotten to the point of avoiding me totally when possible!  I have been absorbing everything I can on N4M and he doesn't even like that!!!  If he found out I was typing something that would be seen by everybody he probably wouldn't even speak to me again.  But I digress...

 

I am a single mom and he lives with me.  I have done my best to raise him and his brother.  Everybody says I did a great job but how can I when my own son puts distance between us daily?  Yesterday we didn't speak nor did I see him.  Unless I call or text him during the day we don't communicate.  Now that it's getting closer to his ship date I don't want our last few weeks together to be the way they have been lately.  I want us to make good memories that both of us can hang on to when times get tough.  Although I was against his military career at the beginning I have since changed and give him my full support.  (He also refuses to take care of any business, such as power of attorney until the last minute.  He won't even discuss his job or anything about the Navy at all.)  He told his recruiter if something came up he wanted to leave earlier but keeps avoiding the very things that need to be taken care of before he leaves.  I just don't understand.

 

If anyone else has had a similar situation please let me know about it so I know that our situation isn't unusual.  I'm trying my best to deal with this but, with the emotional separation coming so early before he actually leaves, I'm not doing that great of a job.

 

Thanks to you all! 

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

Thank you so much for the comment!  While I am sorry that you are going through the same thing I'm glad to know that I am not the only one.  In my case we live in the same house (our bedrooms are side by side!) so that's what really makes it difficult.  Right before he found out his ship date he'd come home from being somewhere and talk to me about what he did, who he saw, etc.; nothing important just talk.  I really miss that.  He keeps telling me he wants to spend time with his friends before he leaves but he's been doing that for over 2 months now.  At what point in time does he want to spend time with his family before he leaves?????  It just makes me sad and there's nothing I can do about it.  But thanks for letting me know that I'm not in it alone.

[STG3_VeNard]

Proud Na V Mom,

 

I know its hard right now. I mean I am not a mother but a furture sailor waiting to leave on 2MAR11. I can give you some insite on why your son is avoiding you. Its actually easier to leave for long periods of time when you detatch yourself away from the things you love. Especially when you are about to leave home for the very first time. I know its rough right now but it will get easier. Maybe he doesnt want to show you that he is infact probably afraid of leaving home. Probably is worried about you but they best way for him to not show it is to distance himself from the entire situation. I hope this helps some. N4M's is always here for you. Cheers and best of luck to your son and his new journey in life.

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

Thank you for sharing this information from a future sailor's point of view.  I guess since I have boys I never give them credit for having any feelings or worrying about anything.  It's just such a big difference from 4 months ago!  He's changed 180 degrees!  I do appreciate your insight into the situation and will try to remember that next time I lose my patience with him.  He's so hyped up about leaving; it can't be soon enough, he can't wait to get away, etc. but I do think that a very small part of him is a little unsure about the unknown.  He's thinking it's going to be a piece of cake.  He just doesn't have a clue...

 

Again, thank you so much for sharing.  I don't know how old you are but I'm sure of one thing; you are wise beyond your years!!!  Have a great day!!! 

[STG3_VeNard]

Proud Na V Mom-- Trust me the Navy will be a scary thing for him. You are never as ready as you think you are. He will miss you the moment he gets to Great Lakes and you can bet the first phone call and letter home will be a tough one. Just remember that him joining the Navy will help him grow into a stronger man. You have done so much to teach him right and wrong and how to grow up to be a responsible adult. But there comes a point in everyones life where they must go and try to make it on their own. I told what I am telling you to my parents when I picked up and moved from California to Virginia. I took a train so i could see the country and experiance a new adventure. And now here I am at the age of 22 in Texas getting ready to leave for the worlds finest and most powerful Navy. Your son will look back on this new adventure sometime down the road. And he will thank you and his family for teaching him the morals and values he has. But he will also thank the Navy for teaching him teamwork, discipline, pride, and a new type of man hood. He will be able to look back and say "I got to do what most Americans dream about when they are children. I got to wear that uniform and stand tall. And I made my mother the most proudest mother of all." And when he does you sure can bet that he is a stronger man. So it will be hard. But remember that sometimes an adventure like this one will be the most exciting, thrilling, and most rewarding. God bless you ma'am for your sacrafice. It is never easy letting a child go, especially into the military. There is something to be said about wives, husbands, mothers and fathers of our service men and women.

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

Once again ITSN_2BE you are very wise beyond your years.  I hope and pray that the people my son meet at Great Lakes are just like you!!  I appreciate you reiterating how positive this experience would be for him.  When I had children I never would allow myself to think past the age they were at that moment in time.  I had blinders on for the later teenage years and wouldn't think about it.  Guess it's just a shock realizing that every day he is one day closer to being a Sailor Recruit.  He'll always be my son; he just won't be the son that I sent to Great Lakes.  That's really a very good thing.  I wish you much luck and success on your Naval career; I have no doubt that you will do your parents proud and will go far.  Thanks again for the positive reinforcement. Have a great day!!!

[STG3_VeNard]

Awwww I am gunna miss you all too. but it will only be for like 2-3 months of no contact but i will write!

[STG3_VeNard]

DTexas/TNMom-- no its not part of our DEP training lol. Its just we do it just because we think that it will make leaving that much easier. Some even go as far as not wanting parents at the final swear in or saying goodbye when they get to the airport. the inital leaving is the hardest but it will get easire after bootcamp.

 

Oh and you are all very welcome! After all I am also learning things from you. I think march moms are really nice. I can tell you my expericances and you all wont jump down my throat and tell me that I dont know what I am talking about or accuse me of telling you that you dont know what your talking about. Some moms on here though... geeze. Just because I am not a mom they tend to think very little of me sometimes. makes me a sad lil panda

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

I think I might speak for all of the March moms; you just come back here and visit with us any time your little old heart feels like it!  It's so refreshing to hear from a young person who is eloquent, knows how to use proper grammar, etc.  Where I come from that's not things you normally hear!  You have obviously been a blessing to more than just me.  I do hope when your life slows down a little after boot camp and you're back in the "real" world that you can check in and let us know how things are going for you.  Just remember; come to the "DEP-Leaving for boot camp in March" page!!!  We'll be interested in knowing how you fared!!! Take care & God bless you!

[STG3_VeNard]

I shall be a sad panda when I leave you all for like 2 months.. but I shall be back! And I will write and have someone post the letters on the March site so you all get the news. I will also have Cmom post my boot camp address.

[CMom]

Proud Na V Mom;  I too know exactly what you are going thru - My son got real distant with me - so I just sat him down one day a few wks ago - and explained my feelings - letting him know first and foremost how proud I was of him!!  I then let him know it was normal to want to be around his friends more than his father and I but reminded him that his father and I would always be there for him and his friends would not!  I told him I was not upset that he was going but he too had to understand what I was feeling - scared, heart sick, and missing him before he had gone and that too was normal!  I just explained that it wasnt  ONLY his life that was about to change but mine was too.  (He is an only child) and most of my life has revolved around him and that would all be changing as well.  So, I made a deal with him - that the last few weeks he would spend quality time with his father and I and not so much with the "friends".  He could hang out with them when he wasn't working as long as he came home early and had dinner and just hung around with his father and I.

Well, that is exactly what he has done.  So, maybe just explain that he may be ready for his life to "start" but inside you feel like a part of your life is over and you are not sure you are ready.  (I know I'm not!)   I just look at him at times and start to tear up then I give him a giggle and say "I am so happy for you" - then he gives me a big hug!!  So, try not to take his actions personally - in his mind you are always going to be with him so what's the big deal?  (my sons words when we had our heart to heart) Just know that you are not alone with this - To them they are starting a new chapter to us we are ending one. (just remember another one will start in its place!)  Big Hug to you!!!

[OMG hes a Sailor (div180)]

Well as most of you already know for us this has been some of the worst mths ever. B is my first born and I have a special place for him in my heart. I had him when I was 17, so we have kinda grown up together. He moved out in Nov because he wanted to have FUN and he said we would not let him have "FUN" He has broke my heart over and over, I love him so much and want to spend every day I can with him before he goes but now I have to hold on to the day or so here and there that he gives us. I also hold on to the fact that every one tells me what a changed MAN he will be when he gets out. I pray that is the truth! I have found that most of us moms here are right there with ya! We love our kids and all we can do is hold on to the rope and don't let go, They will toss and turn and try to make us let go be we have to hold strong.....They will be glad in the end that we didnt let go! Danielle

[PNM #2 (Proud NaVy Mom-2nd SR)]

CMom, foreverMom, isitMarchyet? and all other moms out there:

 

Thanks so much for all of your wise advice.  I know that all of our hearts are breaking at the same time and I'm sorry for that.  But I'm so glad that I have people on here that I can share my feelings with and they know exactly where I'm coming from!  To think how excited I was when I found out about Facebook; this website is ten times better than that!!!!  I hope more and more moms are pointed in the direction of this site.  It helps ease the pain of the separation that we're all about to go through.  Hope you all have a fantastic day and thanks again for all of your support.  You are angels!!!!!  :-)