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Young Wives ?
Hey all Navy Girlfriends fiance's and wives =D
So lately in my SR's letters he's been bringing up marriage a lot. I dont if its because he just misses me so much or if he really has getting married to me on his mind. Im not really sure how to feel about it because to be honest i would love to marry him, right now i feel as though he is the love of my life, BUT i am a freshman in college and only 18. So what i was wondering was if any of you who have been through the same thing or can give me a little advice on this topic that would be great, cause at this point im a little confused. Also i was wondering do a lot of girls get married at a young age because of the Navy circunstances?
Thanks for reading
Views: 702
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sara on
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I think this is very circumstantial. Of course if you and your boyfriend have been dating for a long time and know each other well and are in love with each other and can't imagine spending the rest of your lives with anyone else then I think marriage is something to talk about. My sailor and I got married about a month and a half ago and I just turned 20. So we're young, plus we have a son. I think having a significant other in the navy causes not only him but also you to grow up and mature a lot faster. In that time of maturing you either mature together and grow as a couple (which will usually lead to marriage) or you mature and grow apart to different walks of life (which will usually lead to a break up) I'm not sure that the circumstances of the navy cause people to get married, I think it's more that you have to grow up fast and you realize what you really want out of life.
I fully support young couples getting married, as I am one of them. However, marriage is a very real, very serious thing. Don't rush into anything and make sure that you and him still feel the same way after he's been out of bootcamp for a while. I'd definitely recommend taking advantage of the marriage counseling offered on base.
Hope this helps some!
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Permalink Reply by Tanasia (ship07Div171) on
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Yeah that helps a lot and deff gives me a lot to think about. I do love him sooooo much and like you said, i couldnt see myself with anyone else. I guess im just just nervous for the future, but thankyou so much for the advice. =D
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Permalink Reply by navygirlfriend21(USS NEW YORK) on
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my boyfiriend has been saying the same things. we have been together a year and two months now. i would love to marry him more than anything right now but others dont agree, such as family. i cant move with him untill after school which wont be till around christmas time. so i just decided we will take it day at a time and having these seven months to discuss it more and see how we grow will do the trick! he is getting ready to graduate next friday, so excited! but i will say from the beginning when he made this decision it has brought as closer. especially when he saw i wasnt going anywhere and i will always be by his side. boot camp has been the hardest but we can both feel our love growing and i know we will make it :) like i told him whether i have a ring on my finger or not, it does not change my feelings and i can wait or do it now, doesnt matter. i will always be waiting for him.
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yeah i feel the same way.. except you sound a little bit more confident i just nervous haha because im not really sure what he's thinking or planning to do. Communication sucks when they're in bootcamp i just wish i could talk it out with him the way i want to -- I have to wait till May 13th
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That sounds like a good idea to wait after the first deployment! Maybe i will bring that up to him cause bootcamp is hard but i know deployment is harder -___- and if we make it through that, im sure were strong enough to be together. So thanks for that advice .. it does help =)
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Permalink Reply by Mrs Eubank on
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im 18 and also in the same position! i am getting married very soon and yes the age of most military wives when they get married is 17-20!!!!
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Well congrats to you =D i hope everything works out for the better .. 17 -20 is young but considering the circumstances i could see we do what we do.
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Permalink Reply by deanacakes on
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my husband and i have been married just over a month, and we have only been together 5 months. crazy, i know! but boot camp is hard, and deployments are harder im sure. not something you want to go into nervous. so give it time, and reallllyyy think about it. being married changes things. good luck! :)
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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Since I'm an older Navy wife, retired, I do know younger marriages have their own challenges. Some work, some don't. But you know that!
I could have married at 17, but am glad I did not, I just hadn't finished growing and becoming myself. So if you have any doubts, just take a long engagement to discover who you are as an individual, not just as half of a couple. You may think you know, but life is funny and give you things to grow on and experience. Oh, and this will make me popular: at 17, your brain isn't finished developing. Seriously, your decision making at that age is based more on emotion than logic. Not always a bad thing, but something you should understand.
Boot camp is an emotional pressure cooker. That's why rushing a marriage on PIR weekend is so heavily discouraged, the sailors literally aren't thinking right. If anything goes wrong in the relationship at all you're going to catch the blame for everything. It can get ugly fast, especially when they see their single buddies having fun. Again, an engagement gets this out of his and your system. When in doubt, slow down, and explore your new Navy-changed life before you commit forever.
Pregnant couples excepted, because now the baby changes things. Although those marriages have the same chances as others, at least get the child's birth provide for. Same with folks with kids who let the recruiter talk them out of married. Just go do it.
I can tell you some horror stories about failed marriages I have seen myself, but I bet you know some version of them. I had to counsel more than one sailor about how he was treating his wife. Not all young marriages either! My first Navy marriage was rushed because we were both lonely and afraid of being alone and thought we'd found each other. Blech, life together full time sucked (I was 25, so not younger). But oddly, when I met my husband, we clicked right away and did rush it, and now it is going on 25 years (I was 30, not too young at all). So you never know!
If he asks, say yes, but ask for a longer engagement so you can let all your confusion resolve itself. Enjoy college. You can always move the date up, or set it longer.
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Thankyou Anti M, i respect the opinion as someone who has more experience, as much as a younger one. I do know of a bunch of failed marriages and its not something that i take lightly either. I know thats its a huge commitment. A long engagement sounds like the right thing to to because if he asked i would never say no, i love him to much but taking it slow while were both in school also is a very good idea.
So thankyou so much for the advice, i appreciate it a lot.
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Permalink Reply by maddy08 on
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My husband and I got married when I was 20 and I also knew several married woman who were 18 or 19. When I was still new to this lifestyle that seemed very young to me (I was not married yet!) and I hadn't considered getting married for a few more years. However, after being a part of this lifestyle for some time, this happens A LOT.
I assume it's because the military life is soooo difficult for couples who are not married. The military, in general, doesn't recognize girlfriends or fiances really. You're still an important part of his life but if you're not on the paperwork you don't really exist to anyone else. And that makes it really difficult on the relationship. That was the main reason I changed my mind about marrying young and since then our lives have been easier to say the least.
My advice to you: If you know he's the one AND you're sure you can handle this lifestyle then do it. But if you need more time to think about it don't let him pressure you.
I hope this helps!
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Permalink Reply by Cait a sailors girl! on
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Tanasia,
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I have been with my bf for a year and a half (as of yesterday!) and he has been in boot camp for 2 1/2 weeks now, i have gotten 11 letters and it seems like every other letter says something about marriage! Before he left he was afraid of commitment but now it seems like he is completely different and thinking about marrying me! He even wrote in one of his letter "Do you know why you should marry me..." and wrote a bunch of things! I am soooo beyond confused! How long has your bf been in boot camp? How long have you 2 been together?
Cait
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