Young Wives ?

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

 

Hey all Navy Girlfriends fiance's and wives =D

 

So lately in my SR's letters he's been bringing up marriage a lot. I dont if its because he just misses me so much or if he really has getting married to me on his mind. Im not really sure how to feel about it because to be honest i would love to marry him, right now i feel as though he is the love of my life, BUT i am a freshman in college and only 18. So what i was wondering was if any of you who have been through the same thing or can give me a little advice on this topic that would be great, cause at this point im a little confused. Also i was wondering do a lot of  girls get married at a young age because of the Navy circunstances?

 

Thanks for reading

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

uhhmm my boyfriend and i have been together  since july 3 so that would be 10 months on the third. He has been in bootcamp since march 21 so i have 19 days left until PIR =D  He told me he was nervous to bring it up in a letter but ever since the first time he did .. its pretty much in every letter. 

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

thankyou all for the wonderful advice appreciate it so much =] Hopefully i know what to do when the time comes.

[Brittany proud Navy Wife :)]

       I got married at 19, we had been together a year and half. I had also been living with him since 4months of dating. I knew he was the one and he knew I was the one - we saw no point in waiting. We were living together, joint bank account, and everything else. We were ready to start our life together. Age doesnt matter, its the people. 18yr olds can be more serious and mature than 40yr olds getting married. But it is a serious step! You need to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man and that you can trust and forgive and work through problems. Do u love him enough to look past faults? Love and Marriage is really about commitment. Of course we have our fights and arguments but we both know the other will never walk out on the other and we dont throw words like divorce around ever.

 

I am no 22 and hes 23, we have a 16month old and hubby graduates from bootcamp in less than a week!! and I couldnt imagine what it would be like for a guy to go through the expierence without the commitment and suppport of a wife (or strong relationship with a girlfriend) behind him! A friend of mine recieved a dear john letter from his girlfriend while in bootcamp, and i imagine the possibilty of getting one of those runs thru alot of guys heads and scares the shit out of them!

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

wow i would never do that (dear john letter) ! even if i didnt want to be together anymore i would wait until after bootcamp. Anyway i agree with everything you just said. It makes a lot of sense. I just need time to think about everything. You any your boyfriend knew you were ready, in my head idk if were ready yet but i want to be. Its pretty much a waiting game for my maturity lol

[Niña]

Awww Tanasia! that reminds me of my husband while he was in bootcamp. we rarely talk about getting married anytime soon before he went into bootcamp. but months before that he gave me a promise ring. he said, he wants to save up for the bestest engagement ring ever that i deserve (*blushes* lol) but for now this is it.

while he's in BC i sent him letters, pictures every single day he's in. so there wont be no day he wouldnt hear about me, or his mom, his family, his dogs even his fish! lol. even tho hes not a big writer, he tries to write every single night before TAPPS (or sleep time w/c is 1100).. then he's granted a 30min phone call for the first time. he asked me to marry him. over the phone! he said he knows it wasnt as romantic, but he said he'll make up for it. all he could think about is getting this big question pop out of his chest. he said thats what pushes him to go thru every single day in BC.

well to make story short, we got married after PIR. while he's on leave for 7 days. he was stationed for a school in pensacola for 6 mos (i didnt move in w him cuz we though we'll just save up the $$ towards the bigger move in CA). and now, as june approached were on our way for our first duty station in california.

being a navy wife, at a young age has different approach, a lot of ups & downs. sometimes makes you wonder why! and theres no room for yourself comparing to other married couple. military life is different than civilian lives in some ways. they are the military's property 24/7 no matter what. you cant complain why at night you dont even get to hold you OWN husband. when you eat alone, and when you need someone... he's not there! but all is defeated by the word LOVE. no matter how cliche-ic it sounds like, nothing beats the feeling when he's home for a 3 day weekend, or when you get to go see a movie again, have a date night... or just by simply waking up in the morning and hes right next to you.

but if you're gonna ask me, i would do it all over again. and not regret i got married at the age of 19. a lots of sacrifices a lot of changes. but my heart swells with too much pride for what my husband does to serve his country. :)

if youve got some questions im your girl, just hit me up! 

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

Haha funny you should mention a promise ring, because im wearing one right now =D I love to hear stories like yours because it seriously makes me hopeful and gives me more ocnfidence that were going to make it for sure! I know nothing in life worth having is easy but with all the advice from you ladies i feel much better about the situation. so Thank you !

[navygirlfriend21(USS NEW YORK)]

i feel like you have to have confidence to get you thru. if i was doubting it at all i feel like this would be so much harder. ive kept my head up and when people say if you guys are together forever,, i correct and say when we are together forever. when people ask me if i really thought we could make it thru this or say there is no way. i say well then obviously you dont know our love for eachother, thanks for hte opinion but its not needed :) staying positve gets me thru everyday. i never thought PIR would come but its FRiday! im beyond excited and staying positive is what got me to this point. hearing everything in his letters helped alot as well. :)

[Andi6109]

I guess compared to some couple, I am a little "older" although not much. My boyfriend and I are both about to turn 24 within the next few months. We are also coming up on the 2 year mark in June. He left for boot camp back in October so we have had almost 7 months of separation as his A school is 9 hours away from me. We have had many MANY talks about the marriage thing. We agree we love each other and want to get married someday, but maturity wise we want to make sure we don't become the "military statistic." There is no shame in going ahead with getting married, but I am almost done with graduate school and about to really be out on my own for the first time in 6 years. college was the inbetween point for me I guess. And I was over at his apartment allllll the time in the first year we were together (practically living together even though I had my own place) and then 3montsh before he left for boot camp he needed a place to crash so he could still work so he completely moved in with me. it was great. we know we can live together and it felt like we were married already, but physically going thru with it we are waiting. he wants me to do my own thing for awhile and experience stuff before i have to make my life revolve around the navy's schedule. and he wants to focus on his training since he is in an 18 month program. We have an understanding that if he gets a station in san diego (which will be more than a year away still) we will do what we have to for me to go with him. or anywhere that is thousands of miles away instead of hundreds like now. I am also about to move in 2 weeks about 1 1/2 hours away from him with my little sister. that way I can see him more often on weekends and take day trips to go see him. we have had a lot of struggles but it has made us stronger, the distance thing. and it's only going to get better when I move. i support those waiting until AFTER deployment for marriage. we are looking at doing it before deployment. but everyone is different and is at different parts of your lives. i agree with the advice of ask for a long engagement if he is insistant on proposing. we can't make the decision for you but hopefully we all can ease your mind about the decision.

[Fur&FeathersDVM]

I was what I like to call a "young for the civilian world old for the military" bride- aka I got married at 22. A lot of my navy friends told me I was getting married old and my civilian ones said I was getting married older! I think that age- to an extent- doesn't play a role in when you're ready to get married. I see many, many young couples get married on my husband's ship, or who got married right out of boot camp, only to see them fall apart. I am not saying this to be negative, it is a fact of life in the navy. Sailors-to-be go under what is perhaps the biggest stress of their lives in boot camp and it makes them want the loev and support of someone else- and that's fine- but to them the answer is to hurry up and get married so they have someone there to count on. So, their girlfriend back home who's missing them sees this as the only way to carry on the relationship because they hear horror stories about being separated from the one they love so they quit school, go do the courthouse thing, and move. Then the reality hits when their sailor gets to the fleet- there's long workdays (it's not uncommon for my husband's ship to work 18+ hour days), they have duty days every few days, and then there's underways constantly and then deployment hits- and it turns out they're not with their sailor nearly as much as they wanted to/imagined being! It puts a ton of stress on a marriage and sadly, most of them fall apart because one or both of the people can't handle it and you can't just quit the navy. Do I sound harsh saying that, probably, but it's truly what happens (not in every case of every young bride of course, but many, many, many of them). The marriage I DO see succeed all have something in common- the person who is not the sailor has something going for themself. They have a job, or a passion, or something to keep them busy when their spouse is gone. It makes me sad to see many young, smart, talented, capable women quit school just to go move to be with their boyfriend/fiance/spouse only to have them get deployed and then they are stuck in a new city or state with limited job skills and no connections. If you are in college, you have been given a great opportunity, and it sounds like you guys didn't discuss marriage before he joined the navy. My advice would be to wait- wait to see if you like navy life, wait to see if you can handle the deployments, etc. My husband and I were best friends through undergrad and started dating in my third and last year of college. He left for officer candidate school and I was accepted into veterinary school. We got engaged after his time at OCS and spent the next almost two years being engaged (and living apart) so I could see if I liked/could handle navy life. We went through a deployment and some intense training periods.  I used my summer break to live with him and saw what it would be like living together. I went into my wedding with no doubts and KNOWING that he was the love of my life, that I could handle being a navy wife, and that I was doing the right thing. We still don't live together- I have another two years of school to finish. We decided as a couple that while we wanted to be married, it was also important that I finish my education and become a veterinarian like I always dreamed so that when he was gone, I would be okay. Is living apart as a married couple easy or for everyone, no, but I always tell the girls who tell me "but if we don't get married he could get a set of unaccompanied orders"- so what? Will it be tough, yes, but if you can't handle the separation from your loved one, navy life isn't for you anyway! (again, not saying this is your situation or that marriage wouldn't work for you, but if it's meant to be it won't kill you to wait!!!)

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

ALSO some really good advice from NavyPrincess and SC BOUND =D thankyou so much.. Me and my SR have been dating for almost 10 months and pretty much a month of our relationship we spent together, then i let for college which happens to be over a little over 300 miles away from home! So im pretty sure we got the long distance relationship down. That puts my mind at a little ease - The only thing idk if i will be able to handle is the lack of communication. Bootcamp sort of put me in a funk about the NAVY and the way they allow their sailors to talk to their loved ones IDK if that changes During A -school and like deployments and stuff. My SR and i have have been moving fast out whole entire relationship and it just works for us but idk if getting married right away is the right step. Im pretty much answering my own question because if i dont feel its right then its not right.. right?

[Andi6109]

right tanasia lol and the lack of communication gets better in A school, but it still sucks. i know this because its the biggest problem my sailor and I have been having. he has always sucked at texting or making calls so i put a lot of effort into this whole thing. if you keep the lines of communication open and 100% honest then it's fine. he tells me everything...when he is going to the bar or movies or whatever...and i tell him the same stuff that way we don't worry what the other is doing. but if you are not 100% sure that you want to be married right now, then you got it right. there is no shame in waiting. you can still support him from your college or wherever you guys may be.

[Tanasia (ship07Div171)]

Uhm He's a nuke and i think he chose MM so i think he'll be in school for a while but im not sure on the exact number of months.