Is this the life for me? More importantly, what if I know it isn't???

[ShawnaSA]

Hey all,

My boyfriend of over a year has been thinking about joining the navy. He went to go see a recruiter yesterday, and either the recruiter didn't tell the truth or my man didn't because he told me the recruiter said deployments are around 3 months and girlfriends can move with the sailors... We all know this isn't true!

I'm expecting if he signed up that he would go to bootcamp for a couple months and I wouldn't really hear from him (between the scarce phone calls and the letters that would have to get distributed between both sets of parents, I'll be left in the dust). And then for PIR, he only gets 4 tickets, so again, I expect to not see him then. THEN he gets sent to a levels, and since we aren't married I wouldn't be able to go along unless I found a way to pay for everything myself... Where would I get that money... And then there's the whole deployment thing. Or he could be stationed overseas for all 4 years. Even if we got married, he'd be E3 and wouldn't have the rank to live off base or have me brought along...

I'm really worried that navy life isn't for me. I'm a pacifist and a hippie, I don't really believe in anything military... But more importantly, I can't be in a relationship with an absent man. How do you ladies do it?! I just know in my heart I would be miserable waiting for him. Or miserable giving up my friends, family, CAREER, stable home, pets, etc. to travel with him.

I can't get out of military life at the ripe old age of 27 with no career, no home, no community to show for it... I'm the type of girl who wants the 2.5 babies, puppy, kitty, picket fence home filled footsteps of loved ones. And he's throwing at me that he wants something completely different.

Or he's saying "We can do that when I'm 30." 30!!! I want to have babies before then.

I can't help but feel upset that he's pursuing this, because I feel like he's asking too much of me. I know he isn't being selfish, because he would be signing his life over to his country, but couldn't he be understanding of my feelings? I love him more than anyone, more than anything, but just knowing myself... This life isn't for me.

He put a ring on my finger to promise we would be together. Now he's saying he wants something a little different.

Did anyone else feel the same way when they first started out? Did you change your mind?

What should I do...

[deanacakes]

I know exactly what you mean about your happiness being contingent on him. i am the exact same way, but as of today my husband has been gone for 3 weeks. i cried alot of the first week. after that i spent a lot of time talking to the women on here, and focusing on my life and my friends and family. i still reach for he phone to call him multiple times a day, or think its him coming in the door. ive taken to writing on his facebook when i feel like texting him, bcause for a second it makes me feel like he will see it. i write him twice a day, surround myself with his pictures and cologne, and just count the days til i see him again. i never wanted to e a military wife, and i still dont. but i do love my husband and support the love he has for his job. i know we will spend months apart, including holidays, but i know we will always love each other. i think one of the girls was right, tell him you dont think this is a life for you, but you want to try, because you love him. best wishes!

[ShawnaSA]

I do the same things when we have to be apart :) The cologne etc. But right now the longest we've been apart is just about 2 weeks so I'm a bit worried!