Ship 02 / Division 933

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

Anybody else out there with this Ship/Division?

[wildmom]

Just got a text that my son's true love of 2 years will not be going to PIR with us and is writing her "Dear John" letter to him. I know it will be better for both of them in the long run but the timing is awful. I'm hoping he is too busy these weeks to let it take him down. I'm not mentioning anything to him, I'll wait to hear what he has to say but it is killing me. Anyone else facing any similar issues??

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

Oh that's mean.  And yet...  Your son just might be relieved (after the initial pain resides).  Your son is with his buddies now - a military team - and hopefully, they will step up, support him and convince him this is for the best.

My situation is sort of the reverse - my son found out that his girlfriend of 2 years was cheating on him, so he dumped her and joined the Navy!  That was last December.  It was the first time in a long time that he didn't have a steady gf.  He concentrated on himself and getting ready for boot camp.  He said it felt good.  She was not the only reason he joined, but it sure helped give him the push he needed.

[cjesm]

My 19 year old SR's girlfriend demanded that he choose between his parents and just her three days before he left for Boot Camp.  She has also launched a letter writing campaign against us (not sure what it is we did to deserve this).  It seems to be working as she received a phone call from him, we have not.  I'm just glad he is away from her for a while and can grow up some before he makes a more serious commitment to her.  She is in California and he is headed to SC for A School.  In the life of an 18 year old, 18 months is a long time to wait.  We are going to PIR and I believe she is also.  I guess we will have to share him for the short time we will get to see him.  I will just smile and do my best to not let the situation get to me.  I keep reminding myself that they are still teenagers even though they think they are adults.  :)

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

Dear cjesm:

Welcome.  Is your son in Division 933?  18 years old is very young, and anything negative you say about his girlfriend will only cause him to cleave to her even more.  I am so sorry to hear that he did not call you.  That is hurtful and you deserved at least that courtesy from him.  I would point that out (but not recommended).  However, that being said, hormones are VERY powerful and he is under the influence.  I would just back off and let the inevitable happen.  The good thing is that they will be separated for at least 18 mos.  A lot, lot, lot can happen in that amount of time.  She'll screw up or find someone older.  My son just turned 25 and we had some very rocky years from 18 to 23.  I just totally backed off.  My philosophy is that once you get them to that age, it is their life and you just have to let them go live their own life - sink or swim (and of course, be there to help if they need a life raft as long as things aren't too far gone).  You have to trust that you did the best you could, instilled the necessary values and have raised a good human being to that point.  It's out of your hands and you just have to pray for the best for him.  You must have done something right if he was accepted into the Navy and is surviving boot camp.  It's not about you anymore.  Keep on loving him and showing that love, unconditionally.  Let him go while doing that and he will come back to you.  (i.e., Don't give him the opportunity to find fault with you - be the rock and be stellar.) 

I wish you all the best and send you hugs in this painful time.  Hang in there - I believe it will get better in time.

P.S. Kill her with kindness.  You will come out smelling like a rose.

[cjesm]

Thanks! I needed that.  Yes, my SR in in 933 and headed to nuke school after PIR.  He is 19, she is 18.  We said nothing to him about accidently coming across her messages before he left and had a nice dinner with the two of them (with my teeth in my tongue) the evening he checked in to MEPS.  I figure the less we say the better and agree that she is likely to move on before they can be together again.  Time will tell.  His letters have been mostly positive although he earned IT for being in a good mood and whistling. Haha. 

Thank you for the hugs.  I can surely use them.  Looking forward to 7/1!  He said that the PIR may be televised!  He's a bit nervous as his job may be to welcome aboard the dignitaries with the Boatswain's Mate's whistle!  We couldn't be prouder! 

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

A Nuke - he must be very smart!  That's very cool about the Boatswain's Mate's whistle.  Maybe he will be on TV!  Scuttlebutt has it that Obama might attend.

About the girlfriend, yes, time will tell.  You were very wise to bite your tongue (hope it has healed by now).  Your son is going to change in big ways just from boot camp.  He still has a lot to go through in Nuke School.  I hear it is really intense and difficult.  He'll be getting the equivalent of a degree in months rather than years.  That experience will change him further.  By the time he is through it all, I highly doubt he'll be in the same league as the gf anymore.  Hang in there, and continue being proud of your young man.  Be nice to her like you would to any other temporary distraction.  If she happens to become permanent (heaven forbid) you won't have jeopardized your relationship with your son.

Take care.

[annev]

Just got our 2nd letter today!  He sounded good, and gave us a little more info on his schedule, testing, etc.  We haven't sent anything but letters and pictures, but he did specifically say please tell everyone not to send any food, that they get 1 push up for every calorie they are sent in food!  I had told family that no food was accepted, but hope no one else has sent any!

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

Why in the world would anyone send food???  Do people think this is summer camp???  I was very careful who I gave my son's address to and made it clear what was not allowed.  I just want them to get through this in one piece.

[annev]

yes - we are trying to do everything possible to encourage them - not make life harder for them.  Some people must think this is summer camp!!  I saw on one of the blogs (maybe RTC facebook) that a mom had called one time and asked if she could send balloons for a birthday, and when told no, asked if they would sing and have a birthday cake! 

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

That's crazy about balloons!   Singing and cake?  Yeah, right.  Some people really don't get it.

Thank goodness they're about half way through.

[Paula (was Capricorna)]

Got a letter today.  He said every time the Division messes up, they lose another 5 minutes of call home time.  He said Div. 933 is all male.  They just finished up week 3.  Dress uniforms are getting tailored and they'll get them in about 2 weeks.  They got extra holiday routine on Memorial Day (different from Liberty).

[annev]

Mine didn't mention the loss of call time. Lets hope they haven't lost much this week since the letter was written! Wonder how much weight they will lose before the uniforms are done!  Mine is eating well, but said he had to tighten his belt.