Discharging from Boot camp question....

[Squeekerz]

I tried this somewhere else, but the people who responded just started attacking my fiances character....  Saying they could never respect him for wussing out... among other not so nice things. =\

 

Well, my question is, how likely could it be for my fiance to be discharged from the Navy?  Right now he has 5 fractures in his shins, and he has made up his mind that the Navy life is not the one he can be happy in.  He wants to be with his family as much as possible.    They told him stories of men not being able to see family for years... but to us even months is hard.  He wants to start a family and be happy....  and can't see the Navy helping with that, especially with my emotional instability.  I'm sure he's been scared while at boot camp, because I tend to freak out emotionally a lot.  Dern disorders. Hahaha.

 

Well.. with his injuries, I'm wondering if he'd be able to be discharged.  He has apparently talked about it with people there, since he knows there are things they will not let him take home after being discharged, and that it could take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months.  

 

Please don't question his or my character here...  He's apparently made up his mind, even with all my encouragement, telling him I'd support him no matter what.. (even though that's not how I felt a lot of the time...)   I just want to know if it's POSSIBLE... and how long you think it'd take...

[Angie]

He won't have bills from the Navy (as far as I know) BUT...he also won't get any care of the Navy.  As far as the soonest he would be discharged, that could be weeks or months.

 

[Squeekerz]

Ok.  I was afraid there for a second.  I know it sucks to get massive hospital bills without health care.

 

He says the same about being discharged.  He said it could be anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months.Thank you so much for your responses. :]  Hopefully I'll learn more about his state of mind and what is going on with him medically as well.

[Sonia 02/928]

 let them help him .. make him strong   and he may change his mind .. if not is all good...  let him make his own decision ... how old are you guys?  

 

[Squeekerz]

He's turning 25, I'm turning 24.

[Craig]

squeekez - When the Navy discharges someone, they are left to defend for themselves.  Health care is soooo expensive.  Yes, he will have the option of BUYING tri-care for a certain amount of time (they just changed the rule, so I don't know what that time is right now).  But understand, he will be buying it.  It is not free.  Thus, you really need to check about his health care.

Luckily, he doesn't have a direct family (ie wife, kids..) because they too would loose all of their benefits too.  There is just so many things that need to be done.  It's not an easy task. 

[Squeekerz]

Thank you.  He didnt' have health care before going in, so not much would change in that field.  I'm not sure if I'll lose any of my benefits by marrying him though.  I'm afraid my SSI payments will drop drastically, or cease.  I'm pretty sure that I'll keep medicaid for my children and I though.

[MidwestMom]

Squeekerz - Your fiance needs to just receive support from you now.  If he's in Ship 5, he's in the process of getting discharged and will still need your continued support.  If he's not in Ship 5, encourage him to talk to the Chaplain and to remember the reasons why he joined the Navy in the first place.  This is just a temporary reality...everything changes after BC.  

I'm also leaning towards Craig's advice not because of your SR's doubts, but because of yours.  I was a Navy wife and if there is a tougher job than being IN the Navy, it is being married to the Navy.  Many (if not most) rates require them to be at sea.  While my husband was gone, our truck broke down, our truck was broken into, bad things happened.  And when they did, I had to pull up my big girl panties and deal with them.  I found someone to fix the truck, kept the bills paid and took care of our daughter and worked full time.  I'm not telling you this because I think I'm better than you, but because you need to know what you are doing.  At he same time, I want you to know though that I never regretted those years.  The economy back then was the same as it is now...crap!  He couldn't find a decent job or afford schooling.  We could have never afforded to get married or start a family.  The Navy provided him a great job, great training and it gave us a huge boost to our life.  At the end of his enlistment (he only did 4 years), we had plenty of money in the bank that we used to move back with baby #2 just weeks away and he landed 2 jobs on the same day because of his Navy background and training.  We used that money a few years later for a down payment on our home.  I can't imagine how long it would have taken him on the outside to get where the Navy took him in 4 years.  It is something to think about.  Today only lasts until midnight.  Where do you and your fiance want to be in your tomorrows?

[Squeekerz]

He is actually just in Ship 4, Div. 2341.. which I believe is RCU.   I keep trying to poke and prod him to think about it.  Actually, in the last letter I sent, I told him that if he'll ever regret it, even a little, he shouldn't leave now.  It's hard for me to say those things, 'cause deep down I'm fairly sure that things won't work out with us if he stays...  but he shouldn't live with regrets for my sake, you know?

 

:(  Although I am a lot better than I used to be, I emotionally am stuck like a big child.  Going places alone scares me.  Calling people I don't know to make appointments terrifies me... When anything goes wrong, I want to cry...  I'll often feel lost and alone...  I can't drive and have only gotten a temp license once because I freak out about hitting people... not because of the accident itself, but I'm afraid someone will hate me... But I was willing to try my hardest to be a good wife to him.  This was before I read all the things I have about military life.  I just am not strong enough for that, and it's the truth.. not a attempt to get pity. Haha.  In my tomorrows... I want to be with him.  That's all that matters to me.  I want to be together.  To sit and eat together... to take the kids places together... to have a kid of our own... decorating our house, playing in the yard, doing all those "family" things.  I want that to be my future.   The military future is too unclear to me, and it terrifies me...  

 

... I don't want to tell him any of this though, 'cause I don't really want his opinion to be swayed because of ME... 'cause then one day he may grow to resent me.

 

Anyway.. sorry for rambling!  But thank you for the advice and your account of what you've experienced!

[BunkerQB]

@MidwesternMom, you have my respect and admiration. Quiltlady and I put together a "Retreat For Young Wives & Fiancees" last July (in Northern CA). I met five amazing young women who were dedicated to being the best they can be as young wives and wives-to-be. Quiltlady and I thought being older, we could offer some words of wisdom. To be perfectly honest, I learned more from those five young women than they learned from me. They at a very young age have learned to deal with adversity, combining work and family life. They were responsible beyond their years. They were flexible and adapted to wherever the Navy sent them. They didn't feel sorry for themselves. They did what they had to do. A few of them were going to junior colleges and working part time. If I could, I would have given them all scholarships.

@Squeekerz, don't be afraid to try a little - if you don't succeed - so what? You can try again. As for discovering that the Navy is not for him, your fiance has to decide that for himself. Just make sure he has evaluated the situation and weighed the consequences and his future prospects w/o the Navy training. Of course, his prospects and are prospects. Self doubt is common. It's OK. You are still young. We can't expect you to be all-knowing without a few years under your belt. I am sorry that anyone would belittle your fiance's expressing his doubts. BTW, Craig's statement regarding wanting his son to serve with other who also have a strong desire to be there is universal. Being part of the Navy is being part of a team. A sailor who has no desire to be there can create a danger in a job situation by being neglectful, careless or emotionally distraught. My son has talked about the difficulties for the team when one or two members are not committed as much as they should be.

Good luck.

[Squeekerz]

Thank you very much!  From when I talked to him over the phone, his words were "I've made up my mind" about trying to be discharged.  He had been expressing that he didn't feel the Navy was right for him for a few weeks.  I think he truly has decided he wants to come back, but I keep asking anyway, to make him TRULY think about it.   In my last letter I told him it would be hard for him when he gets back.  He'd have to find a job, it'd be really hard to get a place to live together... He doesn't have a working car...  I said it definitely was not the easy way out.  I'll hopefully get his thoughts on that Saturday when he gets another call home.  Hopefully my letter will have arrived by then.

[BunkerQB]

You might ask him point blank IF YOU found a way of adjusting to being a Navy wife, would he be thinking of staying? You give up much. If you have lots of support from parents (education, housing, food, etc) until you get started, it will be easier but if you are completely on your own - I think you need to tell him to take some time and really think about it. You are a smart gal. You write well. You could be going to junior college (maybe a teacher?) or getting some training while he is deploy. I know the wives on bases are typically very close and supportive.

[Squeekerz]

Sounds like a good idea(asking if I was able to adjust, what he'd want to do).   I think I'll do that. Thanks. :D  I'll do it over the phone though, rather than in a letter.  It just seems more appropriate.  Raising two children makes college really hard.  I tried art college when my son was 1, and now that he's 3 he just will not listen no matter what I do.  I don't know if I could handle anything else. :(